Money question

[Silbury1967]

No, this isn't a question about how much you spend on your kids, but it is a money query.
I've always spent exactly the same amount on our kids each year, give or take a pound or two. This year one of our elder kids is living with their partner. I've always spent the same on my eldest as the others, but have bought their partner a few gifts as well. This year as they're setting up home I asked if they wanted gifts as usual or would rather have the money. They said the money would be handy. My query is how much do I give them? Do I give the same amount to my child as the other kids with some on top for their partner, and if so what percentage should I add on top? We don't have a huge amount of money and I'm not really sure what would be reasonable to give them.
What sort of percentage do other posters spend on their sil/dil???

Its really relative to what you can afford. I wouldn't concern myself with percentages and how much is for your child and how much extra is their partners. Give them an amount that would buy something nice or useful within your budget and gift it to both of them as a couple.

Give money as a joint gift , id say £50-£100 or whatever u can afford.as u get older u shouldnt expect as much.
I have 5 children age 20,18,9,7 & 5 my older ones are getting less than my younger ones x

I wouldn’t give the same as you get kids when they move out. As they had the money spent on them when they were young so it all evens out. My MIL gives me and husband money seperate. She gives him more than me if that helps.

Could you offer to get something for the house in the sales after Christmas? I do this for dd who has her own place! She gets the same as the dc still at home( with a few small house items in her pile) , and a sale bargain on top!!
Will do the same next year as ds has just bought a house.

My parents have 5 children, were all grown now, all married and between us have 15 grandchildren.
They used to spend X amount on each of us 5, once we were settled with a partner or children, that amount was split per household, we've always thought it was fair

Give an amount you’re comfortable with between them as a joint gift, and add a token something each to open.

i like SPR1107 's plan - that sounds like the fairest solution :) thankyou all for the lovely replies :)

have spoken to hubby about the matter and he was surprised i was still spending the same on the older ones as the younger kids. he said once they've got their own income they should have less spent on them at christmas. that seems kind of mean to me as i like to spend the same on all of them but i can see his point that they can afford to buy their own things whereas the younger kids can't.

My inlaws always give me and DH the same amount of money.

My Parents spend more on me than they do DH. Partly because he never wants anything so they don't know what to give but also because they hate gifting money.

I don't spend the same amount in my adult DC and my teen DC.

Adult DC gets money and a small stocking of things like socks, towels and a chocolate orange. Teen gets a lot more.

My mum gives us the same amount each. MIL buys us a token gift each and spends what she would have spent and more on our DD’s. Every 2/3yrs she does buy us an item for the house.

I must say I don't like the split per household idea at all. I think that could cause problems down the line eg one grandchild is an "only" and gets a high value gift, other son or daughter has 3 dc who only get a gift one third the value of their cousins. You can see where that might cause hurt!

I think a joint gift to your adult dc and their partner and don't worry so much about spending exactly the same. Your DH is right imo, adults shouldn't expect other adults (even their parents) to treat them the same as young dc who don't have an income.

Grand children all get the same amount spent on them for the reasons a poster mentioned above. But adult children for Christmas get x amount if they’re single and the same amount if they have a partner as the expectation is that they will share it. Otherwise it penalises the single ones. And the ones with partners have children too so they benefit in a way from getting to help choose a present for them.

dh is suggesting i spend no more than £40 on the older ones which is about half what the younger ones will get. does this seem fair?

Yeah that does seem fair to me, im sure the older ones will be fine with that, xmas is for the younger ones.i know its hard to cut back on older ones makes u feel bad im the same but it is what happens as u get older x

Controversial, but surely the oldest that has moved out need the money more than the younger ones who live at home, I personally think £40 is a bit tight I'd say £50-£80 is much more reasonable

It doesn't sound fair to me, especially as your eldest is more in need of the present given that they are setting up home. My parents didn't suddenly spend less on one of us just because one of us reached a certain age and I intend to do the same. I don't cut back for elder nieces and nephews never mind my own children.

It does depend how much money u have if u dont have much then give what u can. Your older child has her own money etc to buy what she wants. My older children have more money than i do so they are getting less & the agreed with me and said they wouldnt expect to keep getting like the little ones. Everyone is different in what they do there is no right or wrong answer x

My parents give my dh the same as their own children. His parents send a family cheque for us and the children.

I'd give them 50 pounds and some chocolates and a bottle of something.