Visiting family?

[ChristmasFamilies]

Ok so name changed as I don't want this to link to my previous posts and discolour responses.

Genuine answer a or b or c question. Which most applies to you? Trying to settle a dispute in my circle about the norm.

On Christmas if you have grandparents to your kids (ie your and your dp parents) that live 2+ hours away. Do you -

A) split Christmas doing one year at one family and one year at the other meaning children don't spend Christmas at their home?

B) spend Christmas at home and grandparents visit you and your children?

C) just spend Christmas at home with your own children and visit family on Boxing Day/etc?

Similar distance family wise.

We used to open presents here in morning and then drive through for christmas dinner at 3pm. This was dependent on our shifts.

We then realised that as kids grew they didn't want to open gifts then drive for 2hrs to be in someone else's house.

We now open presents and have Christmas dinner here with some friends.

Family have all been invited and have never once made the journey in return.
Go figure 

We now LOVE Christmas, as do those who join us. It is special but low key and no family dramas.

Do it. As soon as you can.

Oh sorry. I didn't answer.

D. None of the above 

My parents are both dead. PIL visit once a year for 3 days at beginning of Dec and spend it shopping for the grandchildren they love next door to and see every single day.

We can no longer be arsed with the bollox of that pretence and LOVE how our Christmasses are now.

A, our driving distances aren't as far but I don't like to waste Xmas day driving around, I feel it's too hectic to see both families in one day, and dh and I like to stay over so we can both have a drink so we alternate years and see the non-xmas day side on Boxing day. I can't imagine ever wanting Xmas just dh and kids, Xmas is about seeing the whole family and it's great to watch all the cousins play together

I personally like to stay home and invite family, so C. I don’t think it’s fair on the children and grandparents have had their fun with their own children, iyswim.

We're 3+ hours away. We used to alternate families each year but for the past couple of years we've stayed at home with our young children, which has been really lovely. No one visits us either. We visit family earlier in December. The children want to stay at home and play with their new toys on Christmas day and the travelling isn't fun for anyone as we have a child who is travel sick.

We are planning a 3-4 year alternating between visiting my DPs and my Inlaws and having Christmas at home. The plan is to have every other Christmas at home just us and DC.
Neither my DH or I saw our grandparents every year for Christmas so I guess it isn't ingrained into us to spend every Christmas with our kids grandparents - also we don't want to spend Christmas every year driving hours to get to grandparents houses.

The best thing we ever did was never get into a 'routine' at Christmas; some years we visited ILs, some years we visited my parents, other years we hosted, some years we stayed 'home alone' and other times we went on holiday.

If you get stuck into a routine it is really hard to 'vary it'.

I've said this before on Mumsnet but you would be surprised that not all grandparents actively want to spend Christmas with noisy lively children. My own parents have made it very clear that they really like a quiet Christmas in their own home with their home comforts and visit family at a less frenzied time of year.

I would spend Christmas at my home and visit family on Boxing Day.

At the moment we have Christmas in our own home and invite my DParents over after dinner for nibbles and drinks. We don’t even get changed out of our pjs!

Then we visit or host in laws on Boxing Day. In laws can’t come to us as they have other children who visit on Christmas Day where as my parents don’t as they are still at home.

We always go to my mums for breakfast, she lives approx 20min drive from us. We have lived slightly further and closer at various points but it’s now one of our traditions.

MIL lives a 2hr drive from us and we have visited at different times over the Christmas period, but mostly we would get there for dinner and either stay the night or drive back later in the evening.

Now we stay at home and MIL can come for Christmas, before, after or whenever she feels like. She always stays a few days and tends to travel back on the 28th which is DD’s birthday usually after cake.

If we visit my dad, who lives in Canada, we have 3 Christmases one with my DM, one with MIL and the actual day with my dad - this is my favourite way to spend Christmas.

So in answer to your question we now do B.

We live in DH's home town. My parents are 160-ish miles' away. The DC are now 4 and 5.

We stay at home every year and DH's parents and brother spend the day with us. We also have a Boxing Day roast with them, venue either here or there.

We try to visit my parents over the Christmas period, but that's weather-dependent. They can't travel, but are fine with how we do it.

C always. I want my children to spend Xmas at home just as I did as a child.

No kids here but in my extended family there seems to be a hard and fast rule that no one has to drive anywhere on Christmas day.

I'm an only child and DH doesn't speak to his relatives so we have it very easy and take it in turns to spend a few days with my parents (sometimes in a holiday cottage half way between us) or they spend a few days with us.

I can't imagine enjoying Christmas morning if I knew I had to drive 2 hours later on. Christmas is for sitting around at home avoiding any movement, with the possible exception of a short and bloated stroll after lunch if the weather is ok.

B I think. We are almost always at home since ds turned about 9; 3 out of 4 grandparents are invited to come to us, at least 1 and usually 2 come, we've only once had 3. The 4th we visit around New Year.

was different when ds was younger and when the grandparents were more capable of cooking. None of them want to do the big meal any more and that's absolutely fine. It would be awful if they still insisted tbh, we'd probably eat on the 27th and they would die of exhaustion.

This may change next year.

C I am 400 miles away from my family and my DM usually goes to one of my sisters as they are all close by. My OH parents have an ‘arrangement’ with his DB and they take turns to host. They are 180 miles away. I love Xmas and love people coming to mine and the door is open. Unfortunately my OH parents felt we should go to them as ‘they may not have many years of doing Xmas left’. That was 18yrs ago. I wanted to create my own memories for my DC in our own home and my DC love it and don’t want to travel. If we were closer I would have no problem seeing family on the day but I don’t have that luxury. We tend to host cousins on Boxing Day....

Not as far but C!
The day itself isn't split, very relaxed and all the family crazy either side 

Pre dc we would alternate each parental home. Once I had kids I stopped visits and have Christmas at home. It's much more relaxing for us. We have a 3year rotation of my parent, pil, then quiet one or siblings. When the kids are older we will consider the 4hr travel mainly because pil are getting too old to travel.

A. My in-laws live abroad and my parents live a 6 hours drive away. We take it in turns. It seems natural for the parents/in laws to host and for all the siblings to meet at theirs. My kids don't mind going away for Christmas at all. They love the little holidays.

We have three-year cycle:

1. We stay at home for Christmas Eve/Day/Boxing Day. We invite family. ILs don't ever come. DM comes unless she's already going to DSis, DSis and family come if not their turn to stay home / visit DSis's ILs.
2. We spend 2-3 days at DM's, with or without DSis and her family.
3. We drive to ILs for the day (no room for us to stay), having spent Christmas Eve night at DM's unless she is at DSis's.

So we have a cycle of home/ILs/DM, make sure DM is with us or DSis and only ever see ILs when we go to them, whereas with my family we fit around each other. MIL did once come here for Christmas but made it clear that she preferred to be with her DD and her other GC and quite frankly I prefer that too!

My least favourite is the year we see ILs, but not sure whether its being with ILs I dislike or the fact it's the only one where we drive on Christmas Day, though it's less than 1.5 hours. Any more than 2 hours would really annoy me but I guess I'd put up with it every 3 years if I had to, but no way would I do that every year.

We live 120+ miles from any other family so we do option C. We have an open invitation to family to visit over Christmas. My mum came to us a couple of years ago but generally goes to one of my sisters. MIL goes to SIL.

We then book a hotel or Airbnb for a couple of nights between Christmas and new year and do whatever visiting we can manage (2 big families)

Mainly A generally Christmas at one set then new year at the other. Sometimes B.

We do a mix of B and C. We stay at home and invite everyone, but they don't always come. We also have an early christmas a week or so before with in laws and cousins (who spend every christmas with sil's family).

A

A.

One year we did B. We are not close enough for anyone to come for the day so we had everyone to stay. (And Pil are not good travellers and so stay for 3 weeks when they come!!) Never ever ever again!!.

I would like just 1 year to do C but DH feels guilty as his dp are not close to any other family so would be alone. And more importantly the kids love the big family Christmas, seeing cousins etc.. so the looks of horror I got when I suggested it have convinced me that for now A is our only option.

We stay at home and invite every One here. We have the biggest house and love to cook/host, with people staying over. My mum always comes but PIL don't as they have their parents still and other grandchildren so that's their focus.
We usually visit PIL on boxing day or the next day.

After the first few years of trying to alternate Christmas I decided I would host to avoid doing all the driving. We offer to host each side on alternating years, but my Pil always decline in favour of long standing family plans on their side, so we see them at another time over Christmas and my parents come every year.