Do you buy things people have asked for? Or not?

[HappyEverIftar]

I'm in a bit of a conundrum. I asked DM what she'd like for Christmas and she said "jewellery is always nice".

There's a bit of background here. DM has a tendency to be a bit, well, grabby. It is a little embarrassing and causes conflict between DH and I as he doesn't think we should be subsidising her lifestyle. She has made some unfortunate choices in her life and has little money and as her daughter I want to do/buy nice things for her when I see her (we live/work abroad). Anyway fast forward to now and she has a relatively new boyfriend who last year bought her diamond earrings... as did we. We had bought her a diamond ring the year before as she said she wanted one as she has no nice jewellery (she's sold all her nice stuff to pay bills). DH said that for this year, enough's enough now.

I probably shouldn't have asked what she wanted as part of me knew she might say jewellery again, but I perhaps wrongly assumed she wouldn't ask for that as she has her partner to buy those items for her now? So my question is, do you buy the items people ask for, or use their replies as guidance?

I generally buy people what they have asked for BUT I would/could not buy someone a diamond ring or earrings as we could not afford it!

Also, if someone asked for jewellery I would assume they meant a necklace from (e.g.) Woolf and Moon for 30GBP (my pound sign has vanished!) rather then 'proper' jewellery.

I'm with your DH on this one. Get her something lovely and a bit luxurious but not expensive jewellery.

It depends. In general I prefer asking and getting a gift the recipient will like and use.

But it has to be something I am comfortable buying and paying for it. Jewellery is difficult, I would never buy really expensive ones but I bought Sarovski in the past and good quality silver jewellery for my mum as it is fairly affordable and in the amount I would normally spend on her,

Diamond - no

Christmas earrings from Asda?
Wouldn't be pandering to a grabby relative myself!

Budget?

If you know her ring size you can get a candle from Imperal candles and order it with a ring inside for her to find once the candle had melted down a bit.

I know DM means expensive jewellery as her "hands are less swollen now" I got a great deal in H Samuels for her earrings last year. I am inclined to agree with you all and DH and won't go crazy this year. However DM will sulk, she's not very good at hiding disappointment. Goodness I'm not painting a great picture of her am I.

I'll have a long think about what she may like instead. I like your suggestion Aprilislonggone

I love the Wolf and Moon website OhTheTastyNuts I may get myself a little something!

I was going to come on here and say yes of course, but reading your op the answer is not at all.

People generally ask for things in budget. Asking for expensive jewellery is fairly shitty behaviour. As is going in a huff if you don't get it.

Buy her a book or something, I agree with your husband, she's taking advantage and it's not ok.

Sorry Reaa I missed your post, another great idea, thank you. Haven't formally discussed budgets yet, but last year was £100, so perhaps the same.

Bluntness you speak sense. DM acts and reacts like a child when it comes to gifts. Her bday is 4 days before Christmas and wonder if it stems from that (bday and Xmas gifts rolled into one when she was little). It was drilled into us as children that the two are very much kept separate.

I dont think parents should say what they want, my dad always says photos of the kids and my mum always says dont get her anything.
Its hard when its your family x

HappyEverIftar
Bounty candles do the same kind of jewellery but are a bit more expensive and I can highly recommend Fireside.

Imperial candles do a few nice Christmas smelling ones.

I would buy what they wanted but if I am honest aside from the kids, no one asks. O thinking buying her diamonds two years running she was hardly going to say 'a Baylis & Harding gift set please.

I have always wanted a silver charm bracelet, the chunky 70s 80s kind with the folded old pound note, ballet slippers etc. I have sourced the perfect one on eBay. 46.00. Maybe try eBay. They have some beautiful vintage jewellery - very reasonable.

Second hand jewellery sounds a good idea. She won't know.