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Original poster

DS and Christmas. Warning: Don't open if you believe in Santa.

33 replies

BrisaOtonal · 18/10/2018 09:53

DS (9) loves Christmas. Last night he wrote his Christmas list and he wants me to post it. A few minutes later he was questioning whether Santa was real or not because 2 of his close friends have been teasing him about it and told him that it is your parents who buy your pressies. He also caught me looking at one of his presents on Amazon and asked me why.

I have been spinning massive porkies. I told him yes your parents do buy presents as well. I told him I was googling it and was going to send the link to Santa's elves as Santa is very high tech these days and they have a lot of children and parents have to help out to save time. Also told him those DC who don't believe in Santa have sad lives and I feel sorry for them.

So, do I tell him? I think he will be sad. He is a hopeless romantic. However, once he knows I no longer need to stay home at Christmas to be there for Santa and can bugger off on holiday and avoid family fall outs and dramas. Bliss. DS1 didn't find out till he was 11. Their school is a bit remote and the DC are not streetwise at all ;}

OP posts:
SixToEightInchesOfSnow · 18/10/2018 10:57

Ds is 9 and since starting year 5 the Santa debate has started. Ds firmly believes and so far I’ve been noncommittal but if he starts to question it, I’ll tell the truth as i think it’s time tbh.

HollidayArmadillo · 18/10/2018 11:00

I think your comment about non believers having sad lives was awful tbh and completely unnecessary

This is why we've always done separate presents from santa and separate presents from us - are all of his presents usually from santa? It's a bit late in the game to change that without raising questions

I think I'd have told him the truth

scorpio32 · 18/10/2018 11:00

Hi Op. It sounds like this will be the final year that he will believe in Santa, so no, I would not tell him.

Sirzy · 18/10/2018 11:03

You are making too big an issue of it. At 9 I would expect them to be starting to question it, it’s one where you just answer “well what do you think?” And let them figure it for themselves.

I think many children just play along for a while rather than letting on they have figured it

DunesOfSand · 18/10/2018 11:10

I don't tell lies.
I have said I wouldn't dare not believe, because if he's real I'd get no stocking (presents from people, stockings from Santa here).

Original poster
BrisaOtonal · 18/10/2018 11:23

Holliday

Yes, I feel bad and this is why I am asking. It is a web of lies. They get presents from Santa and presents under the tree from us. The reason I do this is because when I was a child we used to get a huge sack from Santa and I thought my parents were really stingy as they never bought us presents when everyone else did.

I always thought my DS would find out by accident by overhearing a conversation. This is how I found out. I don't really want to be the person who shatters the childhood innocence. We had to tell my other son as he was going to secondary. He was very sceptical about Santa, but then we went to Lapland and was convinced he was real after all.

OP posts:
Mamabearx4 · 18/10/2018 11:31

My dd is 9 and she has told me, absolutly, she knows the truth and shes fine, still excited about it. She has been given the magic job of being the elf on the shelf this year for her little sister. Once mine have stopped believing i explain that its their turn to make the magic for those that still do, and not to spoil the fun. Honestly they love it and come up with really great ideas.

KC225 · 18/10/2018 11:34

My DD/DS were around that age when they worked it out. My DS said why did Santa use the same wrapping paper as us - I said 'why wouldn't he?' He replied 'Are you telling me Santa shops in IKEA?'. The kids were with me when I bought the wrapping paper, in fact I let them choose it. He he had clearly been talking at school and announced that he thought he would still get presents even if he thought Santa wasn't real. His twin sister asked him if he could afford to take that chance. By Christmas she didn't believe it either. No drama, just growing up. Did have a conversation about not ruining it for other children though.

To me it was a lovely stage in their childhood. Going to see Santa was a wonderful family trip but its also nice that I can have a conversation as in 'No that is too expensive, not practical, NEVER HAPPENING' regarding presents. Its no less magical. Main present is still from Santa and both do the 'roll eye, thanks Santa, how did you know'. We still watch ELF as a family EVERY CHRISTMAS. Here in Scandinavia its shifty looking old man called Tomtei and the kids still go on the Tomtei walk through the forest in the snow. Christmas doesn't stop being magical because they don't believe in Santa.

PickleForPresident · 18/10/2018 11:36

My parents told me that Santa is real as long as you believe he is. That worked until my older sister woke me up whilst my parents were putting out Santa's gifts just to prove to me that he was, in fact, a lie. 

DerelictWreck · 18/10/2018 11:39

Also told him those DC who don't believe in Santa have sad lives and I feel sorry for them

You said whaaaaat?!

NotANotMan · 18/10/2018 11:44

I can't bear all these elaborate lies parents tell to try to dupe their kids when it's clear the kids are reaching the stage of understanding.
My son was asking questions at 9 and I just smiled, asked what he thought etc and he decided to carry on believing until he was 10. No big deal. He's still excited!

Original poster
BrisaOtonal · 18/10/2018 13:03

OK, if he asks again I am going to tell him the truth. I just wanted to make sure I was doing it for the right reasons and not because I will then be unshackled from the excruciating Christmases that we have to endure making everyone else happy. My DC don't actually want anything for Christmas and given the choice of loads of unnecessary stuff or going somewhere fun I am pretty sure they will choose the latter.

OP posts:
Bumbumtaloo · 18/10/2018 13:06

I wouldn’t have lied tbh, we always reply ‘what do you think’ and if they say he’s real, he’s real.

My eldest dd is 9 at Christmas and I think she’s unsure and she never asks the question. Our youngest dd is 6 and she is a firm believer, although she did ‘out’ the tooth fairy recently.

But if either of their friends were teasing them because they still believed and they asked I would tell them the truth.

Chrisinthemorning · 18/10/2018 18:06

It’s best to believe for as long as possible. I was 11. Hence I’ve never really lost the magic and DH is as potty as I am= we still do Santa for each other age 43 and 41. We let DS play too Grin

Boohissmiss · 18/10/2018 18:12

Surely most kids know by 9 to say that kids who don’t believe have sad lives wow what a thing to say. You do realise that some kids find out Santa isn’t real as they wake up on xmas day to nothing not a thing . How insensitive to put other kids down to keep the magic of Santa going for yourself .

NotANotMan · 18/10/2018 18:21

Yeah. I've seen social workers running around on Christmas Eve buying gifts so that a child will have something to open from Father Christmas. Saying kids who don't believe have sad lives is awful.

WaxOnFeckOff · 18/10/2018 18:42

I always said to mine they were free to believe or not believe but to consider that if he was real and they didn't believe, they would only get what gifts DH and I could afford to buy. I always said that parents top up Santa gifts and that if DC didn't believe then did they think that we could afford some of the stuff they usually get?

apostropheuse · 18/10/2018 23:16

I would have told him the truth, I certainly wouldn't have said other children had sad lives.

BiddyPop · 19/10/2018 09:06

Mine is weeks off 13 and still officially believes. But hung over my shoulder last Christmas Eve trying to force me to “confess” which one of us (DH and I - both in the room at the time) was Santa and would be filling the stocking she had just laid out.

Dh refuses to tell her, instead threatening the “if you don’t believe, you don’t receive” line.

I’m waiting until she can formally drop the complete belief, so that we can all do santa magic together for each others’ stockings (and DH and I can finally get one!).

Presents won’t stop though. And there has always been a present to her from us under the tree along with the other presents to us all from other people (and hers to us). So they won’t change either.

Boohissmiss · 19/10/2018 11:45

I still tell my mum I believe in Santa I would imagine a 13 year old is pulling your leg

apostropheuse · 19/10/2018 16:08

An almost 13 year old genuinely still believing in Santa Claus isn't credible (obviously with the exception of a child who has special needs). It sounds like they're having a bit of fun teasing their parents, or that they presume their parents realise they're not that daft and that they're having a shared joke.

BiddyPop · 19/10/2018 16:22

(DD does have some SNs - but is well and truly a non-believer, just placating DH to ensure she still gets presents! We ALL know that she knows, just no one admits it out loud....and yes, the sarcasm and joking is a big part of it in our house - I still want MY stocking though....)

Shadow1234 · 19/10/2018 16:30

Seeing as christmas is just around the corner, I think I would let him believe for this one last time, and then you have the rest of next year to let him find out the truth.

Jutz · 19/10/2018 16:31

There is no need to fib to a 9yo who has worked this much out. I really think if they have asked at that stage, you need to tell them. It’s not shattering childhood innocence, it’s growing up normally.

apostropheuse · 19/10/2018 16:32

I thought that would be the case Biddypop Smile The joky collusion between family members is part of the fun of Christmas [santa]