Saying no to brother coming for Christmas?

[Funkyslippers]

We had my brother over for Xmas day last year, it went ok but it meant I had to collect him from his house and take him home later (2 hours driving in total). We get on ok but he didn't lift a finger - just sat in the same chair all afternoon. I also had to cancel some charity driving I was going to do as it would have meant I was driving for another 90 mins on top of that. I think he will ask if he can come again but I'd like to do my charity driving as I missed it last year but don't want to be driving for over 3½ hours! I'd feel awful if he was on his own though. He can't really stay over as he goes out on Christmas Eve evening.

Sorry, I don’t get it. Why haven’t you told him to get off his arse and help? He’s not exactly a stranger.

But he’s your brother! I would WALK 2 hours and back on Christmas Day if I could have my brother here

Well that wouldn't be necessary as he can walk himself if need be! I wouldn't do that anyway as I want to spend as much time as poss with my girls on Christmas day, and basically vegging out and watching TV. I rarely get to do that.

He may be my brother but we're not close and are very, very different people. He's a lazy arse, basically

Like you say, suggests he goes to his girlfriend’s.

But he's your brother!

So treat him like family and tell him to stop being a lazy arse and get tf off the sofa. Make it clear at the time of inviting him that this year you're doing a family Christmas where everyone helps. Give everyone a job dcs included and tell them what they're in charge in advance. (A- you bring crackers and lay the table, B - you're in charge of doing a starter, lazy arse brother - you're doing pudding etc) .

If he doesn't like it he won't want to come next year.

Being a family member in another family members home on Christmas day doesn't entitle you to be a lazy, selfish, rude arsehole. People should pitch in and help, at the very least OFFER to help. Does he turn up with a bottle of wine for the table or something at least op?

Why do you have to suggest he does something with his girlfriend, can't they figure that out themselves?

If he wants to come to you he needs to sort transport. End of.

Give him a choice, Christmas day with you which entails him making his own way & a possible sleep over and peeling the veg
Or
Having a cosy, romantic Christmas with his girlfriend.

I agree he's a lazy arse. Look, he has a girlfriend now. Make the most of it and tell him to spend the day with her. He's so ungrateful, he doesn't deserve you at all.

Ah thanks. If I gave him some potatoes and a peeler I'm not sure he'd know what to do with it! He did bring some gifts last year but alas, no wine....

I'll suggest he goes to his gf

I was just coming on to agree with the Ghoul but I see you have already confirmed that you are not close to your brother. I couldn't imagine not having my family with me on Xmas day and also don't expect them to be peeling spuds and setting tables etc. They are our guests and me and DH are more than able to cope with serving a roast dinner. Does anyone really invite people over for dinner, Xmas or not, and expect them to start clearing tables?
As it's clear you don't really want him there I'd just tell him you are unable to pick him up and drop him off. If the laziness was the main issue you really should have just asked him to lend you a hand.