What do you do for family gifts?

[AliceRR]

I usually buy something specifically for my mum, dad, brother, DH and the kids in the family. Would spend about 100 each on Mum, dad and brother. Kids in the family £10-20 each

I have three aunts I buy for (one on her own, one with husband and four adult children living with her ie my cousins who are my age and one who has husband and teenage daughters) and other than the teenage daughters I tend to get them all shared family gifts. Last year I got them sweetie gifts - sweets and gift set from hotel chocolat, maybe £25 per family

DH has three sisters and one brother. All have partners. One sister has four kids and one had two. He has often gone out and bought individual gifts for all of them individually which I just think is too much especially when they don’t give anything to us apart from his mum and dad...

Think he just sends a card to cousins / aunts.

This year I’m thinking something slightly different, maybe make up a hamper or something but don’t want to spend a fortune on Christmas as we have a baby due early next year

Just wondered what you all do

About £350 each for DD and DS. £150 for DH.

£20ish for siblings/ in-laws/ nieces and nephews. Don't buy for cousins/aunts etc.

£10 for 3 friends.

£10 for sports coaches.

Nothing for teachers this year!

£100 each on mum, dad and brother is ridiculous

Maybe time to suggest to everyone in the extended family that you stop gifts.

For immediate family do a secret santa- each person does a list of 3 things and you have to buy one- at £100. Include your mum, dad and brother, then you will all get and receive 1 gift.

For dh siblings if they don't bother then just don't bother- but they are your nieces and nephews and I think it would be more normal to give to children but not their parents.

You spend £300 on your family but seem to not want him to spend on his?

Nothing for teachers this year!

Not because I don't appreciate them, but as both are now I. Secondary we can't gift everyone- though open to new ideas!

Have done hampers in the past- make them personal!

Me and partner have tried to cut back a lot in recent years as everything as all a token. We have started a £50 secret Santa between siblings and partners, there's now 11 of us in it and you end up with one good gift rather than lots of random boots sets!

Partner and I are onto the second year of spending £50 on each other and buying something big for our house that we want but don't really justify through the year... last year we redid our kitchen floor for example.

Still buy for Mum, dad, stepmum but I'd say max £30 on each and small gifts for all the nieces/nephews around £15/20. Still all adds up but a lot less than it used to be!

We only buy for grandparents;
DM & MIL £50 - £100 depending on what I see to get them.
My mums husband £50
My dad lives in Canada so probably £30 - £40 between him and his wife only small gifts.

That leaves DH - depends on how our finances look, it’s only been the last couple of years we have bought each other gifts. Our two DD’s and my best 2 friends children, these are like our nieces and nephews as we don’t have any.

I never have a budget for DH etc just get what I like. I do buy all year round so it spreads the cost. Our eldest DD also has a Christmas birthday so we buy for that too.

• my 2 best friends

We buy for our parents and spend about £20 each person.

Nieces and nephews a £15 to £20 limit. We don’t buy for anyone else as it gets out of hand!

I used to have a very long list but sadly most of them have passed away now (ironically we could afford much nicer gifts now). We used to buy for parents, grandparents, great aunt, brother and family, SIL and family and single BIL, older family friends (my mother’s godmother so really like family). We spent very little , 10 to 20 pounds each, as we couldn’t afford more, but we always tried really hard to find something they would like.

Now we have DS (13) about 300 to 500 euro depending on what he wants. It is a lot but he has no other presents apart from SIL and one friend of mine, and doesn’t really have anything else through the year apart from his birthday.
DH - depends on what I find! Usually around 200 euro.

DSIL- around 40-50 pounds, same amount for DBIL and two adult nephews. It varies though, I don’t have a set budget, rather an upper limit and will spend more if I find something I think they would like. DSIL doesn’t get any presents apart from us, so would never drop her and the family, even though we probably could.

Single BIL about 40 pounds as well.

One friend- about 30 euro, box of chocolates and a book usually.

Other friend - presents for her, her DH and her daughter and family, about 100 euro.

I think in your situation you are buying far too many, especially for DHs family. My mother bought presents for my cousins and their children for years, I am sure they appreciated the thought but they really wouldn’t have been bothered had they not received anything. They were meaningless really, a bottle of cheapish wine for example. Individually cheap but all added up it came to a lot. I’m not sure why but she just couldn’t stop. My Dad used to say to me how silly it was. Their Mum and Dad (my Aunt and Uncle) didn’t buy us anything once we were adults which was fine with me.

I think I would have a good look at who you are buying for and whether you really need to. If you can organise a secret Santa thing for the adults I am sure that would be better, and the others would probably appreciate it. Some people you may continue with (e.g. your Aunt on her own). I think I would ask myself is it meaningful to them to get s present from me? Your single Aunt perhaps it would be meaningful, your SIL who never gives you anything maybe not so much.

I’m not sure it’s fair to try and change who or how your partner buys gifts for. But it is reasonable to agree to a budget for gifts.

We only buy for immediate family that actually bother with us throughout the year. Stopped buying everyone last year.... got sick of buying for people who just got us tat and never bothered to ask for suggestions when we always asked what they would like for example my MIL, she always buys DD tat, stuff she can find on sale even if it's shoes 4 sizes to big !!

I have about four friends I buy for too and spend between £10-40 on them but again going to try not to spend loads but without just buying something rubbish! I’d rather not buy anything than buy something where it was obvious main aim was to get something cheap!

TrulyTrulyScrumptious Yes I think you’re right in a way. I realised when I wrote it that I am sort of comparing his brother and sisters to my aunts/cousins whereas I should be comparing to what I spend on my brother. Maybe it’s cause I’m quite close to my brother and only have one plus he is 11 years older than me so I have always been like a second mum to him whereas he has four siblings and they don’t really do much for us. They live 100 miles away and don’t even ever visit. We only see them at Christmas, Easter etc as we go down there a few times a year...

I wasn’t saying I would stop DH spending on brothers and sisters, just saying that’s my view.

Also to put into a bit more context re spending on my mum and dad. They have done a lot for me financially over the years. I loved with them until I married DH. I didn’t pay rent but did pay for food and other things. They paid for my university fees and accommodation etc as I went to uni somewhere else. So I do try to treat them at Christmas. And I said I have one brother and was always like a second mum to him.

DH I think is thinking the same re buying for his family but I’m not going to tell him not to buy.

Also since we got married DH kind of likes me to take responsibility for all the family gifts but that has meant paying for them too but I think that’s a bit unfair and a bit much (we don’t have joint finances except for household expenses) so I may just say I’ll buy for me family and you buy for yours but it will be for both of us...

@LeMesmer Sorry to hear that but sounds sensible. The secret Santa actually might work well in DH’s side of family since their are six households including us and husbands parents 🤔 But then again I wouldn’t suggest it as they dont usually get us a gift and this is implying they should!

My mum and dad and not v good at buying gifts. My mum buys stuff for me as she thinks we have the same taste in stuff but they often both give money to me and my brother and don’t really buy for each other! So secret Santa wouldn’t work for them. My gifts are the only gifts they really get and I don’t mind spending on them due to all they’ve done for me.

I would also be happy to treat DH parent’s the same but he would say £100 is too much...

I may limit mum and dad to about £50 this year and brother about £100 🤔

Family gifts just something nice for up to £20 maybe a small snack food hamper (M&S)