How would you do this?! Need advice!

[boobicle]

DH has four children. We have a budget of £150 per child. Usually about £120 for presents and £30 for the stockings each.

I have several dilemmas.

1. DH always has to make sure each child has to have the same amount of presents and the same money spent on each child. Which is becoming increasingly difficult the older they get. For example DC14 & DC12 both wants things that are quite expensive now whereas DC7 & DC10 don't necessarily. They usually have between 10-20 Presents each which isn't working anymore as DC14 & DC12 end up with a bunch of cheaper stuff that they don't actually want just so they have the same amount as the other two DC.

1. For the DC; Christmas is literally only about presents. They don't even bother to look at the tags to see who the presents are from. We constantly have to remind them. They don't say thank you, etc.

DH always insists on letting them open all their presents when they wake up at like 6am and by 9am everything has been unwrapped, played with and they're bored already.

I've proposed before having stockings and one present in the morning and then making the rest of the presents last throughout the day to be opened but DH doesn't agree.

Anyway my dilemma here is that DH and I also have a DC now and I don't want my DC to have the same attitude to Christmas and presents. I want the greater spirit of Christmas and the meaning to be respected and appreciated. I'd rather my DC had five presents than between 10-20 because I don't want it to be all about the presents. Does that make sense?

@Alanamackree DSC12 who always wants expensive Lego sets now wants a tv and an Xbox for his bedroom at his Mums house. Although, even he realises he isn't going to get these and he'll have to save up.

DSC7 who's birthday is in a few weeks, wants an Xbox gift card so he can buy virtual currency on fortnite that's a big NO

@Alanamackree We used to give the eldest ones cash for their birthdays so they could buy what they want or save up for something more expensive but since DH found out that their DM keeps 'borrowing' their birthday money, he is now refusing to give them cash.

DD's first Christmas this year and we are planning to just do one thing she wants (or at this age we think she wants), one thing to read, one thing to wear and one thing to make/do and to carry it on throughout childhood. So Elmo toy, picture book, christmas day outfit and some sort of baby sensory craft thing or swimming lessons this year. Know the grandparents will spoil her so don't see the point in us also forking out loads. Your kids are smart enough to figure out the cost of things. When I was 10ish I got a bike and two little craft things while my brothers got about 10-15 medium sized gifts. Made sense to me then as I got a huge expensive gift. Somebody always gives a board game for us all to play on Christmas day after the presents are open (keeps us all entertained even tho I fudging hate boardgames).

I can see it’s complicated!

I have a similar issue, but they're my children, and younger. My eldest wants expensive things this year, but is still believing in Father Christmas, so I can't use the money aspect as reasoning. She'd be gutted to only get say 3 presents, versus the 7-10 that her brother might get for the same amount. I'm not sure how to go about it really!

@1stTimeMama Yep! Totally same dilemma here.

Also none of them seem to play with toys anymore; even the youngest. Everything we got them last year has sat pretty much untouched and if I chucked it all out they probably wouldn't notice!

What do you get kids that don't play with toys and who are totally and utterly absorbed in screens?!

What do you get kids that don't play with toys and who are totally and utterly absorbed in screens?

Experiences.
e.g.
zoo keeper
helicopter ride
driving lesson
speedboat
theatre trip
comic con tickets

1stTime Divert Father Christmas to only do stockings, and other presents come from you. Then the value stuff can come into it. (Actually don't see why FC can't be on a budget either).

If DH wants the same spent and same amount of presents for each child, let him crack on with the present buying.

It's not feasible with the age of the kids. But hey if that's what he wants, then he can sort it himself.

I think @teentimestwo approach sounded like a good Idea. So you don't tell them you're changing anything but do it subtly for your own child. So keep some back for them and keep one of the presents back for the other kids too. I'm sure they won't be moaning that they wanted it earlier on as they won't know about it. And bet they will want the same next year because will seem like Extra present! It can be quite overwhelming for small children if they have a lot of gifts so ideal to start changes this year. You won't need to buy as many presents for your own child because they won't notice one bit - and then your DH might realise that it's becoming unnecessary too.
I say this even though I do even up the number of presents as we open them one at a time so if one child ran out before the other it would cause upset - but hopefully when they're older they will notice the reasons if there's a big price difference!
Good luck!

One thing we do to stretch out present opening is have an extra present magically appear under the tree during lunch (around the same time I have to pop to the loo, surprisingly). It is always something that will provide an activity for the afternoon if things are flagging, generally a board game, but we've also had Just Dance type computer games.

I think it will be tough to change the christmas that your step children are used to without them feeling hard done by, so maybe focus on how your little one can have the christmas you want.

I try to keep present piles the same size. If one of my children has a large gift then the other gifts they receive might be low value items like a t shirt or a selection box. I spend more money on mine as they get older though so it isn’t that hard to keep present numbers the same. My children receive a stocking, some clothes, some books and a couple of other gifts.

Your DH is worryingly inflexible and lacking in imagination, I think, @boobicle

While your budget is large, what happens when one of them wants a bigger present, like a Switch or a bike? My DC understand that some years you get a MASSIVE present like that, but that it has to be compensated for by either getting little else that Christmas or by getting less the next year - or both.

And I think this approach is more realistic as a way to learn about life - you know, some years you have the great big holiday, then the next year it's a caravan or whatever. You don't set a budget for every single holiday/present/outfit and never veer from it! That way, you either don't get what you really want EVER or you end up spending extra on tat that you don't really need.

Your DH is really not doing his kids any favours with his approach. I think PP who suggested the gently gently approach of doing it differently with your own kids would work really well. I think the Santa gifts first thing, followed by family presents later is a great idea. (In our house, we open nothing more than the stocking till after we have been to church, walk, cup of tea...because it hugely ramps up the excitement. My DH asked me to do it this way - I grew up with presents first thing. I much prefer it this way. So you can change!!)