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Christmas

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Original poster

Hosting christmas

21 replies

Happygolucky009 · 23/09/2018 07:23

We have sent invites to host Christmas to family despite having a difficult relationship with in laws. Dh thinks I am mad but the kids love having everyone together and I do it for them.

Anyway in laws have guests this year and have asked how we feel how bringing their guests, who we haven't met.

I am torn as the cost will be much greater as it will be another 4 adults and I don't know where all these people will stand / sit. Last year people were tripping over each other!

Is it fair to say no the guests can't come or is it mean to exclude?

Please bear in mind that the in laws can't host as they are planning a Christmas eve dinner, which we haven't been invited to so everyone will have seen each other and shared gifts, apart from my dh & kids Hmm

OP posts:
NoWordForFluffy · 23/09/2018 07:34

You can't exclude the guests, so you'll either have to have everyone or retract the invitation to the in laws.

BrightonBB · 23/09/2018 07:39

I'd say yo them 'best that you enjoy Christmas at your house with your guests this year and we'll have you again another year'. Your kids will love their Christmas whatever happens and much more with you as a relaxed parent than with strangers in the house.

BetterEatCheese · 23/09/2018 07:42

I would definitely say no due to space. It won't be fun and they may well have said it not expecting you to say yes anyway!

Pinkprincess1978 · 23/09/2018 07:47

So they have invited four people to their house and then receive an invitation to yours? Instead of saying no thank you we are e hosting friends they ask if they can bring them? Cheeky isn't even the word.

Feel quite free in saying no, this is a family Christmas and we don't have room for four more adults.

Fruitcake13 · 23/09/2018 07:51

I agree with a PP, say you will have them another year.
Why haven't they invited you tell their Xmas eve dinner? Seems like that would be a good time for you all to get together.

Whatever happens your DC's will have a great time!

Alanamackree · 23/09/2018 07:52

What is it like hosting them for Christmas generally? There’s something about the way you say you do it for the kids that gives me prickles along the back of my neck. Do you think the children pick up on the tension? Children often suggest simple solutions to complex relationship issues (like I wish mum and dad would live together) that aren’t necessarily wise or workable.

This might be an opportunity to bow out gracefully and see how you feel about not hosting them and having a different kind of Christmas. You can simply say that you just don’t have the room to accommodate four extra adults and you understand completely if your in laws can’t come in the circumstances and wish them a happy Christmas with their guests.

Original poster
Happygolucky009 · 23/09/2018 07:59

Thank you, as I have said the relationship with in laws is very strained. The kids are fully aware as we only see in laws at Christmas but the kids have previously looked forward to seeing all the family together.

I suspect we haven't been invited on Christmas eve because they are already hosting dinner for our family and will be thinking we have our own plans (we do).

OP posts:
Original poster
Happygolucky009 · 23/09/2018 08:01

I am worried that if we don't host everyone, they will go nc with us (again)

OP posts:
mostlydrinkstea · 23/09/2018 08:13

If you don't have room you don't have room so tell them that and ask them which day they can come over to see their grandchildren. This puts the ball firmly in their court and asks them to behave as adults. This may be more than they can manage but you have tried.

Holidayshopping · 23/09/2018 08:17

If you invite someone for dinner and they already have guests, they should decline!

PoshPenny · 23/09/2018 08:29

How about you ask them if they could bring drink/starters/puddings as a contribution to the meal which would ease your load. That's how we do it. My parents provide the starters and my cousin brings the puds.

I do think they've got a cheek asking to bring their guests along though, and that makes it OK to say no you can't accommodate them all due to space and extra costs.

NoWordForFluffy · 23/09/2018 08:40

It would be cheeky to turn up with 4 unannounced / agreed guests.

However, they've been asked to dinner when they already have guests, so they've asked if they can bring them so they can still come. It's up to the host to say yes or no.

Some people would say the more the merrier and agree to them coming, but equally it's no problem to say you haven't the room. Maybe they felt that an outright decline would cause offence if the relationship is strained, so they're giving OP the option to decline due to the guests.

Atalune · 23/09/2018 09:17

Can you do a buffet rather than a sit down meal? That way it wouldn’t be such a squish?

KnotsInMay · 23/09/2018 09:27

Is it 4 including the ILs or ILs + 4?

And who are the guests?

I would say “oh didn’t realise you had guests, that does make it impossible, space-wise” and immediately invite them for another time.

Extra adults will change the dynamic for the kids, the focus of the grandparents will be on their friends rather than the kids, and you won’t all fit.

Original poster
Happygolucky009 · 23/09/2018 10:18

Thank you for all the comments, it feels horrible to retract the invite or exclude but the I also feel uncomfortable with the issue of restricted space, not knowing these people and expecting a lovely day, when the relationship is already strained.

So we are planning to do a buffet and ask people to bring a dish, which obviously will reduce the cost.

The in laws are 4 with 4 guests staying from oversees, think English is a 2nd language but not sure.

OP posts:
BrightonBB · 23/09/2018 10:44

Do you think the 4 guests (and your kids?) would better prefer the full British experience of Christmas Turkey etc?
Leave them at in-laws and enjoy your own time with kids.
If they go NC sounds like you are not really losing anything.

BrightonBB · 23/09/2018 10:45

Or invite them for Christmas Day evening or Boxing Day instead.

Atalune · 23/09/2018 14:53

I think that’s a great idea and those extra bodies are a good buffer!

Thighofrelief · 23/09/2018 19:40

So it would be 8 people coming rather than 4. You could say "we don't want to intrude on your time with your guests but we would love you to come over when you are straight again after your guests leave"

spinabifidamom · 23/09/2018 19:51

Is there any alternative option? Can you do a buffet lunch or dinner or something?

Immediately invite them for another day. Rather than exclude them; ask for any reasonable assistance for childcare or Christmas dinner etc. If they don’t want to be exclusive they’ll accept your compromising offer on the spot. You could always arrange to meet at a restaurant in town for Christmas dinner instead. Win win for everyone concerned.

Being exclusive is not going to solve any problems. Rather it’s going to make them worse.

Aprilshowersnowastorm · 23/09/2018 20:03

Imo fate has saved you from an awful Christmas!

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