Who do you shop for?

[Alanamackree]

Struggling to phrase this clearly, but do you find yourself buying presents for other people to give?
I do most of dh’s shopping, which I don’t have an issue with as he works ft and I’m a sahm so I have more time... but before me his dsis did his shopping for him and she works ft too so clearly he’s just lazy.
I have also ended up buying gifts from grandparents for the dc, and wrapping them, and on a few occasions buying gifts from my dm for dh.
Even if I don’t physically buy gifts, I’m usually expected to give suggestions so the mental work still falls to me. It generally works out better than dealing with the onslaught of inappropriate tat and evil noisy toys so I don’t particularly want to stop.
Oh and of course, there’s Santa.

It’s a lot of effort for which I get no credit or thanks!

I’m also noticing that I get gifts for a few people men who don’t reciprocate. So mil will pick out a gift for me (she always gets us individual gifts never a couples gift) and I will get her something, and something for fil. Because officially her gift was from the two of them. But really he’s a Christmas free loader!

I haven’t really thought about it much before, but I did wonder how many of us who are here posting on the Christmas boards in September are early organizers because we’re doing more than our fair share?

No way would I be doing other people’s shopping. I am divorced from the dd’s Dad, occasionally I will help him out with choosing gifts for the dd’s By sending him a amazon wish list. Other than that, people should do their own shopping and chose gifts.

I used to buy all of DPs presents and pay for them too most of the time. He was ungrateful. His family either didn't buy me anything or intentionally bought me presents that really showed what they thought of me. I stopped wasting my time and money.

Last year was the same as usual with me hunting down suggestions for everyone and collating links for DH to select what to give. He didn't cooperate with my time line so I told him I wasn't going to do it. Result was that his family got nothing!

This year I said that unless he cooperates and we have all gifts at least ordered by November then he's on his own again.

I actually like choosing gifts so I don't mind the work, I just resent him not helping with the final selection until 23rd December and then having to only buy stuff on Amazon prime and rush to wrap it all.

I have to get the gifts for DHs family - his mum, dad and brother. Am I mad? I'm wondering whether I should just not bother this year and see what happens.

I do like shopping for his mum actually, I usually put together a little box of treats for her. But his dad couldn't give two hoots and I end up buying some crap toiletries set from boots.

Nobody. We have no family so no need to do the buying presents for DH/DD to give to relatives thing.

I do buy all DD's presents although they're technically from me and DH, but every year he buys her a special 'daddy present' (a piece of jewellery usually) and he gives it to her separately from her other presents on Christmas Day. It's a tradition he started when she was 7 and he says he never want to stop, even though she's now 21!

We have always chosen her main presents together though, although I usually pick them up. Little bitty bits/stocking fillers are my department and I love it so don't mind a bit.

We have a rule that I buy for my family and DH buys for his (he’s an only child so technically only has to buy for his parents) but the gifts are from us both.
I do a lot more in terms of prep, food, organising days out, etc but that’s because I enjoy it.

I buy for everyone but adult wise we only get for MIL, DM & husband and my Dad. I love bargain hunting so tend to buy something when I see a good deal on it but I do ask DH for his opinion. I also buy everything for our DD’s again DH gives his opinion. He would happily do it but I love to do it and the bargain hunting. He does do all the wrapping and cooking, fair swap I think!

We buy for what feels like a lot of people. On my side it is parents, sister & partner & their children, auntie, cousin and her child. For ILS - MIL & her DH, FIL & his DW, SIL 1, her DH & 2 children and SIL 2 and her partner. I also buy for a friends child and 3 friends. Plus secret santa for mine and DHs work place.

DH gives me ideas for people, especially his family but I do 90% of the shopping and 100% of the wrapping. I enjoy it all and To even it out, DH doesn't 80% of the food planning and 100% of the prepping and cooking over the entire festive period.

We have a quite short list. Apart from DH and our DC the list is:

My DM
MIL
SIL and BIL (DH's sister)
2 sets of children on DH's side
2 sets of children on my side
My goddaughter
Secret Santa at work (one each)

DH buys for MIL, organises cinema vouchers for 3 of the 4 sets of children and his own Secret Santa. I get the rest. It seems to work well for us.

I do all the wrapping and the vast majority of the card writing although we didn't send any last year which was both liberating and weird.

I also do all the food shopping and cooking but I'm happy to do that - I like cooking and hiding in the kitchen with a glass of wine and my DC are older so don't need entertaining and are quite happy to help with table setting and washing up.

My mum is disabled and won't leave the house without me so I set aside time to take her Christmas shopping but often buy stuff for her to give if she isn't with me.

For the past few years we have done a family Secret Santa - each person buys 5 presents for one person - something you want/something you need/something to wear and something to read.

My husband doesn't want to shop so I buy his SS gifts. Mum of course doesn't shop without me so I buy hers. Last year we also did a family White Elephant swap which was great fun but again I had to buy three White Elephants.

This year I have said I will not be organising the SS presents for 3 people again.

Just myself.