Do your 8 year olds still believe?

[Girlsnightin]

Am I kidding myself that he does?
Just started year 4. Started asking questions about the tooth fairy which I confirmed was me, but was vague about FC.
Do we carry on for a few years with this?

I can't believe there's people that don't go along with the Santa story because it's lying!

I’ve no issue with the story. But when you pretend it’s real it’s not the truth, is it?

“He’s been! He’s been!”

No he bloody hasn’t.

I don't think anyone was scarred from this 'lie',

Hi. I’m one of many (real) people who have been. You don’t have to like it, but it’s true.

if anything it's my best memories

Great. You’re lucky.

and I can't wait to make all the magic of it for my children!

It’s not magic though, is it? If my daughter asks how trees grow, I don’t say “magic”. If she asks how planes fly I don’t say “magic”.

No, that's when DD stopped believing, but didn't tell me for another 2 years!

8 year old ds still very firmly believes

9 year old ds says he still believes but is starting to question it a bit, I think this will be his last year.

No, she had her suspicions last year and asked me outright, I couldn't lie to her and then we both cried! Muppets!

DS2 year old does aged 8, although I suspect this will be the last year.

DS1, now 15, has been complicit in keeping the magic alive for the last 6 years (which is entirely different from being ‘forced to lie’)! I still do stockings for both for that reason & I think at age 9ish my DS1 quite liked being ‘in on the secret’ & allowing his younger brother the whole magical Christmas feeling, whilst enjoying feeling a bit more grown up himself & knowing how it all work whilst still having the little presents plus the obligatory satsuma & chocolate coins arrive at the end of the bed in the night!

My lovely extended family still did stockings for me until I was about 19 - I’ll carry on for as long as it makes them happy!

The transition from believing doesn’t have to be a negative thing at all, although I will remember to enjoy the ‘he’s been’ moment this year as it’s probably the last time!

I am amazed any child would still believe at 8. Surely they have learned enough about the world to realise one bloke can't fly round the world in one night with a load of deer?

I am not trying to be goady but I am sure deep down they know the truth.

And if you are scarred by your parents lying about Father Christmas you really need to calm down and get some perspective.

From the late great Terry Pratchett:

All right," said Susan. "I'm not stupid. You're saying humans need... fantasies to make life bearable."

REALLY? AS IF IT WAS SOME KIND OF PINK PILL? NO. HUMANS NEED FANTASY TO BE HUMAN. TO BE THE PLACE WHERE THE FALLING ANGEL MEETS THE RISING APE.

"Tooth fairies? Hogfathers? Little—"

YES. AS PRACTICE. YOU HAVE TO START OUT LEARNING TO BELIEVE THE LITTLE LIES.

"So we can believe the big ones?"

YES. JUSTICE. MERCY. DUTY. THAT SORT OF THING.

"They're not the same at all!"

YOU THINK SO? THEN TAKE THE UNIVERSE AND GRIND IT DOWN TO THE FINEST POWDER AND SIEVE IT THROUGH THE FINEST SIEVE AND THEN SHOW ME ONE ATOM OF JUSTICE, ONE MOLECULE OF MERCY. AND YET—Death waved a hand. AND YET YOU ACT AS IF THERE IS SOME IDEAL ORDER IN THE WORLD, AS IF THERE IS SOME...SOME RIGHTNESS IN THE UNIVERSE BY WHICH IT MAY BE JUDGED.

"Yes, but people have got to believe that, or what's the point—"

MY POINT EXACTLY.

My 9yo wants to discuss the reality of father christmas occasionally. I try to explain that in a sense father christmas is "real" despite the mechanism being me, indeed almost because the mechanism is me, because father christmas is the spirit of joyfully giving stuff away without expecting a gift in return - and that is very real.

And if you are scarred by your parents lying about Father Christmas you really need to calm down and get some perspective. There were some other significant factors for me, but that experience had a major impact on our relationship. I’ve dealt through it with counselling and it’s indirectly one of the reasons DD is an only child.

But thanks for your understanding.

My first believed till about 10. Second was telling me of her disbelief on Christmas eve at the age of 7.

I told her it was the worst day of the year for having this conversation! Better chat on boxing day.

Noodle that’s totally my approach too. If believing in fairies, magic and Father Christmas makes you happy then believe it.

My DS 10 found out yesterday because his class were having a discussion about fictional characters and someone said Father Christmas. He came home and said ‘Father Christmas is not real is he?’ I felt really bad he found out this way but we chatted for a bit and ended up having a good laugh about how hard it was to not wake him when we had to leave the stocking in his room.

My mother still does me a stocking every year (I’m nearly 40) and I will do my DC one for as long as they want one.

@TittyGolightly your story made me cry a little. Your dm’s reaction was so out of balance; the “story” should never be more important than the child. I can understand her need to protect your younger sibling but your needs seem to have gone missing from her priorities.

When ds1 came to me with his questions I asked him why he thought santa wasn’t real and he gave me a well reasoned argument. I asked him if he was sure he wanted me to answer him, and he said he was. I praised his cleverness and sharp thinking, and how grown up he had become.

Titty at 6 your dp’s should have been proud of you, not alienating from the rest of the family.

I hope that DS isn’t burdened by this secret. I made it clear that he could talk to his grandparents and aunts and uncles but that if younger children are wondering he should tell them to talk to their own parents.

I personally believe that santa isn’t a lie, but a spiritual truth. And I hope that I’m managing the transition between the magic of childhood and the social responsibilities of adulthood. But it is a very tricky phase to navigate and I’m not entirely sure that I’d do santa again with my dc if I got a do over.

My DD will be 9 in a few weeks and she definitely still believed last year. We don’t make a HUGE thing about it - we leave out a mince pie and glass of whiskey but there are no Santa stop here signs or reindeer food at our house. Whenever we’ve seen Santa out and about, we’ve always said that it’s someone dressed up, pretending to be Santa and if ever they’ve asked anything about how he does it, i’ve always just said that I don’t know.

Hopefully the fact that we haven’t gone into great elaborate pantomimes and convoluted explanations means that it will be a soft landing when they do finally realise.

DD is 8 and still believes.

I don’t really agree with Terry Pratchett’s take on it either, it’s perfectly possible (probable, even) to believe in F.C. and still grow up to be a cynical adult who questions everything, I think that’s pretty silly to suggest otherwise. I believed in FC for years and years, there’s plenty of beliefs out there that I know are a crock of shit, and that are a lot more dangerous to believe in than F.C.

DD isn't traumatised by my letting her be Santa, the tooth fairy and the Easter bunny. She asked to do it.

thatmust DSis was 13 when she announced in class that "I think that Father Christmas might really be my mum and dad." 😂

inqui that passage makes me sad.

My 11 year old has just started secondary. Following my sister's lead with me and her own kids, I had to tell her before she started. I was dreading telling her but she was fine about it. We are still keeping the Father Christmas story going for the cat - DD's choice. Although I also explained that however old she is, as long as she had Christmas at our house we will do the Father Christmas thing. We do separate presents from Father Christmas so it's just an extra treat thing.
My MIL did some silly "Santa delivers everything " thing that is local to here and which makes this change much harder. I nipped that in the bud for DD's first Christmas.

I never believed in FC but have always believed in him if that makes any sense. I will always put out a mince pie and milk, even when I'm 90 and it takes me 20 minutes to bend that far. And I hope that somebody in the old folks home or one of my DC or DH, will take a bite and drain the glass when I'm not looking. And that half empty plate will give me the same thrill as it always has and I will whisper "he's been" to myself. I don't think my DC have ever believed in FC literally but they believe in Christmas. The game, the joy, the happiness. Long may the pleasure continue.

Show of Hands I completely concur. Even when the year has been hard I always look forward to making Christmas as magical as I can.

Ds 8 here still believes but definately starting to question. Id say this will be his last year if we even make it that far. Now how to break the news

Mine did.
It was age 10 that the pennies slowly started to drop.

(And DH and I are not really into the Fr Christmas thing and do it very half-heartedly)

Mine were questioning last year when they are 6. I think this will be the last year we go all out with it, visit to FC etc. They know the TF is not real.

However they absolutely 100% believe in the poxy christmas elf.

I remember knowing for sure from about age 6 but never said anything as I still wanted the presents!