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Christmas

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Original poster

Do you think an 8yo can understand this about cost of gifts

49 replies

byairmail · 06/09/2018 23:18

Dd will be 8 just before Christmas. She still believes in Santa but I think this is the last year as she has friends who have told her he is not true. She is desperate for an American girl doll which is around the £100 mark (for a doll, I know!). I have explained that parents still need to give Santa money for gifts so you can’t just get what you want. Usually we buy each of our three kids (she is the oldest) three gifts from Santa that they have asked for and then a stocking of small bits. It usually totals about £60-£100 each depending on what I have got on eBay or in sales.
Putting aside that £100 is crazy money for a dolly, do you think 8 is old enough to get that if she got the doll she wanted that would be it, other than the stocking. So just one sizeable gift to open (plus others from grandparents no doubt).
Last year we managed to fob her off with a design a friend doll instead. But she is desperate for the American girl doll one.

OP posts:

NonaGrey · 06/09/2018 23:20

She should really be able to understand that at 8 yo.

“Santa has a budget. If you get an AG doll that will be your only present - do you still want it?”

Enidblyton1 · 06/09/2018 23:24

Yes, what Nona said.

But why have you set up the expectation of 3 presents? That’s very prescribed. Do you really need to explain that she’ll only get one present from Santa. If it was me, I’d just get it for her and not say anything. Surely she’ll love the doll so much it won’t occur to her to ask about her ‘other 2 presents’?!!

NonaGrey · 06/09/2018 23:30

Enid she’s one of three children. The other two will have three presents each.

I think it’s sensible to set expectations in advance.

Enidblyton1 · 06/09/2018 23:36

But why buy everyone 3? Do siblings normally count each other presents to make sure they all have the same number? It’s never occurred to me to buy the same number of presents for my children. They don’t count them. Maybe I’m in a minority?

PandaG · 06/09/2018 23:37

Perfectly fine to say you send the money, so if Santa chooses to spend it all.on the doll.for her there will only be one present. FC only ever brought the stockings in our house to avoid the issue!

CaviarAndCigarettes · 06/09/2018 23:37

I've explained exactly the same thing to my 5 year old and he got it

Bumbumtaloo · 06/09/2018 23:45

Yes, I think she should understand. My dd’s are 6 and 8 (well she’s 9 three days after Christmas) and they both know if they want an expensive present that means less/nothing else.

We have always done (sorry couldn’t think of a better word) Father Christmas a bit differently, they have always been told we and others buy or give Father Christmas the money for present, that’s why some children get less/nothing for Christmas. Some years we have been really skint so they have got less.

Our eldest dd wants an expensive present for her birthday and she has been told that that’s fine but she won’t get anything else from us, she’s happy with this. I will still give her the other small things that I had already bought but these will be from her sister.

INeedNewShoes · 06/09/2018 23:46

I would probably handle this by this year giving her the American Girl doll plus the other two gifts this year, with the assumption that next year her main request might cost a lot less so it all evens out over time.

My parents always aimed to get us one big present plus stocking fillers (a book, new undies, selection box, satsuma) but they worried a lot about ensuring we received equal value which got a bit silly as it meant they would end up making up one of the children's gifts with something they didn't really want just to make sure they'd spent the same budget on all of us every year.

As a slight aside the American Girl dolls are lovely and really good quality. My niece still has hers and she must have had it for 10 years now and she (I can't bring myself to say it!) still looks great.

One issue though is that your daughter is bound to want new outfits for the doll for subsequent birthdays/Christmas and these cost a lot too even though they might seem like a 'small' present.

NonaGrey · 06/09/2018 23:47

Because she’s 8 years old Enid so her expectations will have been set by what’s been done in previous years.

The number of presents doesn’t matter but the change might.

It’s a five minute conversation, it’s not a big deal.

egginacup · 06/09/2018 23:55

You could still give 3 presents- you could give her the doll but her other 2 presents could be very cheap, eg colouring pens/ craft set etc. For my 8yo’s birthday she had one main present and I wanted to pad it out a bit so got a new pencil case, glitter pens, notepad etc from Sainsburys. Under a tenner and she was very happy.

Enidblyton1 · 06/09/2018 23:56

I agree with you Nona.

I was just wondering if it’s a common thing to set up expections about a particular number of presents (or siblings receiving the same number as each other). Just not something that has ever occurred to me, so I’m intrigued.

Bumbumtaloo · 07/09/2018 00:06

We try to get roughly the same amount of presents but it doesn’t have to be exact. Its only to avoid one having say 3 and the other 20. We have never set an amount of presents that they get, we just buy a combination of what they’ve asked for and what we know they will like.

AornisHades · 07/09/2018 00:14

My 7 year old has wanted something too expensive for a single birthday or Xmas present for a while. We made a deal that they would get one small birthday present and carry over money to Xmas for the big present. That worked fairly well.

Floralnomad · 07/09/2018 00:28

We’ve never had a set budget per child but try to get roughly the same amount of gifts ( or we did when they were smaller) . If for example you have £300 to spend on 3 children one of the others may only want presents that come to £70 so you could use the extra for the child who wants the more expensive gift to even up the present pile . My philosophy is that the budget will equal out eventually over the years .

MozzieMagnet · 07/09/2018 00:38

Controversial I know...but if her friends have already told her Santa isn't real, can't you take her by herself for a hot chocolate, come clean and then tell her finances means the one doll only.

NoSquirrels · 07/09/2018 00:57

If she's 8 just before Christmas, what will she get for her birthday present? Do you usually spend more or less on her birthday?

Chrisinthemorning · 07/09/2018 07:43

I agree with @egginacup - other 2 presents very cheap. Would you have to get clothes / accessories for this doll - make those the other 2?

Didiusfalco · 07/09/2018 07:46

Yes, we had similar with my now 8yo last year and he was happy to get what he wanted and completely fine with having less.

DoubleLottchen · 07/09/2018 08:22

Lol at the faux wide eyed wondering about children counting their siblings presents.
If there's only 3 presents, you don't need to "count" them, it's immediately obvious by looking if you have one and your other siblings have 3 times as many. Even a child that didn't mind/was delighted with their one gift would be aware their siblings had more.

If there are just slightly higher numbers involved - say one has 8, one has 9, one has 7, it's not immediately obvious and noticeable (even though the difference in the number of presents is the same).

Touchnotthiscat · 07/09/2018 08:25

I’m in exactly the same position with my DS who thinks the elves are going to make him a COZMO!!!
I’ve told him that the big expensive things are for Mums and Dads to buy.... ughhh I’m already trawling through eBay for a second hand one that doesn’t cost the earth!

Touchnotthiscat · 07/09/2018 08:26

The problem is that he’s harped on about it so much to his friends that they’ll probably be getting one, which will rub salt into his wounds!

RB68 · 07/09/2018 08:38

Isn't it part of life experience to not get what you want sometimes. Continuously delivering sets an expectation for the future till requests are an x box, i-phone and new tv for bedroom then what do you do. I say IF you get it its a shared xmas/birthday with two smaller pressies at Christmas and they have to live with their decision.

Thank God I only have one! But I am one of 6 and don't ever remember making ridiculous requests for christmas or being disappointed by the value of things. I remember the year I got a big bike. It was after two years of watching siblings get theirs as we took turns basically and I was the oldest, and thy were all second
hand albeit cleaned up and well repaired by Dad

Ohyesiam · 07/09/2018 08:43

Yes, she’ll understand.

Alanamackree · 07/09/2018 10:00

we had this with my DS last year. He wanted a lego set that was just within budget. My explanation was that if it costs so much in the shop it must take the elves ages to make all those little lego pieces, and they wouldn’t have time to make any more presents. He opted for a smaller set but has pined for the bigger one all year.

He also briefly fancied his chances of getting a massively expensive set and I laughed and told him no way. He accepted that without a problem so I think I made it harder on him by equivocating. It would have been better to give a firm yes or no.

With hindsight I think I should have got him what he wanted and a few other very cheap bits. I don’t know why posters are questioning your three gift policy. Mine have always compared with each other.

Also, while she may grasp the concept of expensive toys=less toys she is only 8 and she’s coming to the end of a phase of childhood. By ten her way of thinking will be quite different. At 8 the boundaries between wishing and reality are still quite blurred.

Lovemusic33 · 07/09/2018 11:19

I think at the age of 8 I would get her tha doll and stick to 3 gifts, maybe the other 2 gifts could be things she needs? Clothes, stationary, pack pack for school or something similar that you would need to buy anyway?

Make the most of her still believing in Father Christmas and make Christmas magical because in the next couple years she will stop believing. I miss my kids believing.

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