Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Christmas

From present ideas to party food, find all your Christmas inspiration here.

My first non-believer. Surely not!!

10 replies

1stTimeMama · 27/06/2018 23:10

Help!

On Tuesday, just as I was leaving the house, my 8.5 year old daughter said she didn't believe in Father Christmas anymore, as he's only one man, and the world is a big place. I was so surprised, I didn't actually say anything, and haven't done since.

I don't know what to do! Do I ignore it, and carry on as usual, do I talk to her about it, do I tell her he's a story and hope to goodness that she doesn't tell my 3 younger children when she's in one of her more spiteful moods?

I'm not ready for her not to believe, and it makes me really sad. I know not everyone goes down the FC route, but I always did as a child, and it's been so lovely having children and seeing their faces at Christmas. I'll be gutted if I can't claw back some belief for her.

Any suggestions?

OP posts:
UndergroundSun · 27/06/2018 23:31

I remember doubting and my mum saying "if you don't believe there won't be a stocking then". I made sure to convince myself. I must have been about 9 but I vividly remember laying in bed thinking about how father xmas was definitely real Smile

Hedgyhoggy · 28/06/2018 07:30

I dont think I ever believed but I was more than happy to go along with the act of it. Carry on as if she hasn’t said anything. Your Christmas will be no less exciting because she knows. It wasn’t for me and it isn’t for my son who worked it out aged 7 when he recognised the Santa at school as being the farmer up the road

reddressblueshoes · 28/06/2018 07:41

She's bang on the right age though, surely? I was right when I figured it out, I still have v fond memories of Christmas. Having younger siblings will make the magic go on longer- if you think she'll talk to them then I'd have a word but I don't think it's right to push it too hard. She might decide it's more fun to get into the spirit of it as Christmas approaches.

1stTimeMama · 28/06/2018 12:24

Is she, reddress? I expected a good few more years yet! I always believed, and there was never a conversation when we were told he wasn't real, it was just something that was!

She can be so spiteful sometimes, and if her brothers annoy her, I know she'd use it as a way of upsetting them. On the other hand, I think she'd enjoy all the wrapping and choosing part, but whether or not she could keep it all a secret would be interesting!

OP posts:
NoProbLlama78 · 28/06/2018 12:36

I read something once where once a child figures it out you take them out for a grown up meal to explain the magic of it all and tell them that now they know they are also responsible for spreading the magic. Then you take them to buy a present for a person, leave it on the doorstep and hide to watch their reaction (I'd warn the recipient)

DieAntword · 28/06/2018 13:08

When I was 6 I told my dad I knew he was father christmas and I would make sure my toy pea would watch him and report back to me when he came to fill my stocking to prove it.

Yeah because santa isn't real but peas that can watch out and report to me are.

I also sent letters to peter pan (through the window) for years after hoping he'd come take me to neverland. Now that I think about it given that story is about dead children it's way more disturbing in retrospect.

Windydayz · 28/06/2018 15:26

I'd be dreading this but I'd probably give a knowing nod/wink and say something along the lines of spreading the magic or there will be no stocking or something.

I always knew but didnt ask my parents out right. Maybe because they played along with it and seemed so happy to. They knew i knew but we didnt talk about it. I didnt want to ask. Having it confirmed by parents would make me realise that it definitely isnt true Sad

speakout · 28/06/2018 15:31

Never been an issue here.

When questions were asked then I explain Santa lives in a very magical place- the world of the imagination. He is there for anyone who wants to believe.
My kids have been very happy with that easy transition, meaning they can still indulge in the stories, the excitement, even my 18 yo DD still leaves out biscuits for Santa.

But then we are a fairly Pagan household, so the idea of mythical beings sits quite happily.

We also have a house goblin which helps us find lost things. Even OH is known to leave out chocolate at his miniature door for assistance.

Alanamackree · 30/06/2018 06:44

I’d say listen very carefully, to see whether she’s looking for reassurance or whether she’s ready for the next phase. Keep your tone neutral if you’re asking a question (what made you think that? Tell me more about that). Ideally I’d say wait until she asks you directly, but if there are younger siblings it could be wise to subtly elicit the conversation at a time when it’s just you and her and it won’t be overheard by little ears. Don’t be too direct; bring up Christmas or sort out some Christmas decorations, tidy the attic; that sort of thing.

My personal view is that it’s a developmental stage to be celebrated. Listen to her logic, and support her emerging wisdom. It’s very clever to work out the mystery. I don’t believe in lying; weaving the magic is one thing but when dc come to you to fact check I think it’s wise to be a solid source. Mine trust me to tell it straight and will check playground rumors out with me too.

I told each of mine that they were correct that santa wasn’t one single man, that actually he was more like an idea. We talked about the St Nicholas story and how people all over the world try and do nice things for others at Christmas, and how mums and dads all over the world work together to make Christmas a very special time.

And I told them that now they were part of the Christmas magic too. I told them it was a big secret but one they could share with (and I named) the adults in their life. But they had to be careful not to tell other children, and even if someone is wondering they should tell them to ask their mum, that it’s a conversation for mums!

I also made it clear that Christmas would go on as before, that now we’d play “the santa game” and they could help me. I’ve had this conversation with both my ds’s and they haven’t realized that the other one knows. Despite being awful to each other in other ways they have kept this secret faithfully.

I’m not very good at the whole fairies and magic business. And I won’t lie that it was a bit painful for all concerned. Ds1 came to me at bedtime for a cry, DS2 came questioning small details for months after and I wished I had the capacity to keep the magic alive for them.

But it has been good in other ways. It was so much less stressful than other christmases where I’d be hoping other adults wouldn’t give the game away, or that I’d slip up, or that there would be a last minute letter to santa, etc. I don’t have to censor movies why every Christmas movie has to question the existence of the big man is beyond me or be vigilant about books little house on the prairie nearly slipped through and they understand that Santa won’t be bringing them a LEGO Death Star anytime soon.

I enjoyed the Santa years and went all out with little details but I’m also enjoying this new stage. Last year I was able to involve them in the charity side of things. Before this I wouldn’t have wanted them to realize that some kids get nothing because it undermines the story. I like seeing their thoughtfulness and consideration. It’s still part of the magic of Christmas but in an older child’s version.

Hope this helps a bit, though I fully acknowledge that I’m a bit hard headed and their might be a better way for you. I’m not trying to tell you what to do, but maybe just offering a little reassurance that it’s not bad on the other side!

1stTimeMama · 01/07/2018 12:32

Thank you for all of the replies, it's really helping me figure our how to go about things.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page