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Original poster

Different Traditions, Two Families together? Can it work?

31 replies

KingsX · 22/12/2017 14:43

My cousin and I have same-age kids. They live the other side of the world but want us to stay for next Xmas - being so far away we'd have to go for at least three weeks if not more - and staying at their home.
I have several other cousins also there in the same area so can break up the stay a bit with a night or two at other people's homes, as I am a bit concerned about staying with so many kids and outstaying our welcome! (My cousin isn't, and wants us to stay with her the whole duration. The other cousins have older children (10/13/16).)

I go all out for December - Advent Box, Elf On The Shelf, new PJs on Xmas Eve - they don't! Do you think it could work? I don't really want to pare down as I don't know how my kids would understand that Elfy isn't up to his usual tricks one year, etc.
(Kids will be aged 2-8 next Xmas.)

OP posts:
SunnySomer · 22/12/2017 14:47

You just tell them that different homes have different experiences. Hasnt your 8yo learned about different christmases around the world? Eg that most of Europe meets st Nicholas on 6th December, and presents are exchanged on Christmas Eve? For the little ones - you’re totally overthinking it. If they know they’re having Aussie Christmas they won’t worry about the details

eightytwenty · 22/12/2017 14:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
KingsX · 22/12/2017 14:59

Well a bit - we even lived in mainland Europe for a bit when our eldest was smaller - but we still had our own traditions inside the home and Santa still came on the 24th.

I think I'm concerned that by 8 (he's currently seven), he'll be on the cusp of believing. I'm not really concerned about the toddler.

OP posts:
Original poster
KingsX · 22/12/2017 15:00

Also has anyone stayed with another family for over three weeks? Even close family - I am concerned we will outstay our welcome. They have a modest home. Staying at a hotel will blow our budget.

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Fffion · 22/12/2017 15:05

Their house, their traditions.

Original poster
KingsX · 22/12/2017 15:36

Crikey, really, Fffion? I think that's a little extreme. WE are the ones forking out a small fortune to fly there, the huge effort of a long-haul flight (great though it will be) - I'd gladly put them up here except they have more kids to fly over and theirs are in school whereas we home ed so a bit easier for us to take the extended time. Plus most of the family are over there whereas they'd only be coming here for us. But as such, I'd hope we wouldn't be bound by their home their rules? AIBU?

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Candog · 22/12/2017 15:39

Yabu and precious. Good for your kids to experience a different tradition. The 7 year old will stop believing any day now anyway.

Equimum · 22/12/2017 17:19

Can you maybe take some of the traditions and explain that others don’t happen in Australia. For example, maybe say that the elf if specific to the UK, but perhaps buy your cousin’s children, and any others you are staying with, new pyjamas for Christmas Eve. Perhaps it’s more about blending and compromise all round, rather than bending rigidly to your relatives convention. But also take it as an opportunity to experience how Christmas is celebrated in another country.

Situp · 22/12/2017 17:23

We live in mainland Europe and all my DS's school friends have Nicolaus on 6th December and then the Christkind and Christmas celebrations on 24th whilst we have a traditional British Christmas on 25th. He is 7 and is totally relaxed about the fact that it is different for other kids. He certainly has no problem believing in Father Christmas.

I think that at this age, kids want to believe or they don't and they can gloss over a lot I order to keep believing as long as they want to

turkeyboots · 22/12/2017 17:28

My grandfather set the family rule that children belong in their own homes at Christmas. 3 weeks away from home at Christmas would be hard, with another family it would be extremely hard. Can you stay at home and travel on 25th?

turkeyboots · 22/12/2017 17:30

26th even! travelling on Christmas day would suck.

shakemysilliesout · 22/12/2017 17:32

I think bring and share a few key traditions including everyone but embrace their traditions too and be flexible. Don't try to recreate everything you'd do at home, it won't be the same as home and I think I'd find it difficult if a house guest imposed many rigid traditions and tried to recreate their Christmas from home, I think I might wonder why they had visited, so emphasis on being flexible and choosing a few key traditions. I fear you may have to par it down but you will gain traditions from them.

Floralnomad · 22/12/2017 17:34

If all these traditions are so important to you I’d do the trip at another time of the year when there is less pressure in general , and split up the 3 weeks with some travelling and sight seeing with perhaps a week / 5 days at either end staying with family .

Sevendown · 22/12/2017 17:35

I wouldn’t like it.

I did xmas with another family once. I didn’t realise how much little things could matter on xmas day.

Eg my family will sip champagne whilst cooking. They had a alcohol free day (not ex alcoholics or anything). My family eat a turkey roast, they ate pizza and chicken. My family did small useful presents. They did endless plastic tat.

I swore never again!

PotteringAlong · 22/12/2017 17:38

You cannot fly half way around the world and expect it to be exactly the same as at home. If you want it to be exactly the same you need to stay at home.

Just say that your elf lives in your house, so it won’t be at the other house. They’re old enough to know that not everyone has an elf.

Go if you want to, don’t if you don’t (and I’m not certain you do) but if you’re going you’re fitting in with their Christmas and you need to not be precious about what you can’t do.

afatalflaw · 22/12/2017 17:39

Seven down those to me are not little things at all, they would totally ruin the festive atmosphere!

spurtions · 22/12/2017 17:40

Surely if you’re halfway round the world and presumably the sun is shining and you’re staying in someone else’s house you just tell your children that this is how it’s going to be this year and that we will do our things next year when we are back at home and then you all get on with it?

WunWun · 22/12/2017 17:42

I'd hate to stay with any other family for three weeks.

I think it would be really off to try to enforce elf on the shelf in someone else's house.

Haffdonga · 22/12/2017 17:42

Best Christmases of my life as a child were staying with big families of cousins. Nothing beats the excitement of sharing the fun with other kids who have different even more exciting traditions. Children aren't so precious that they cant cope with things happening different ways in different places.

Sounds to me like it's you who doesn't want to change traditions, not your dcs.

QueenOnAPlate · 22/12/2017 20:57

It can definitely be done. We are a foster family and used to incorporating different traditions into our celebrations, and generally the kids are happy with the explanation of it being different in different houses. Just negotiate which traditions will work for hem and come up with something to explain lack of elf- maybe he could send a postcard having gone on holiday himself? I think if you are staying in someone else's home you have to be pretty flexible - if you can't broadly do their rules and traditions, it's going to be tough whatever time of year.

JenniferYellowHat1980 · 22/12/2017 21:08

The problem with taking your own traditions there is that their same age DCs would then come to expect them in future. I really wouldn’t go at Christmas.

Original poster
KingsX · 22/12/2017 22:30

Thanks for the responses so far.

I think Haffdonga has it that I do think the fun with the cousins (second cousins?) is the big draw for me, plus seeing my extended family as it's been a while. But I am concerned how easy it is to blend traditions in someone else's home and I wouldn't want to impose. My son's highlight of his Christmases for the last three years have been the Elf visiting every day of December and doing silly fun stuff in the home - he talks about it in the summer! So I am weighing that up with having fun with other kids (who he actually hasn't met) as for him it's really magical and has captured his imagination. And the opportunity of a nice big trip. Vs just doing that trip another time of the year. Or indeed going after Xmas. I was just wondering how others have fared if one family is Xmas crazy and one is very minimalist. It's my cousin's idea for us to go over.

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Fffion · 22/12/2017 22:41

The “Elf” isn’t a tradition, unless you are like a fool and his money.

Original poster
KingsX · 22/12/2017 23:37

This is the Christmas boards, Fffion.

It's a tradition because we have made it one. And I know families who have been doing it for generations. Sorry you missed out.

And our Elf costs us nothing, He occasionally provides little arts and crafts that I'd buy the kids anyway. He leaves out new PJs that I'd buy anyway. Mostly he hides, or rearranges the furniture. It's just a sweet way of making the Xmas magic last a little longer than a couple of days around 24/25th December.

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AnotherWorry · 23/12/2017 05:54

I think if you rock up and flood your cousins home with a whole lot of traditions she doesn't want you will soon outstay your welcome!!

You're not at home, you're at someone's else's home. You're sharing her Christmas, not her yours.

When are you flying? Why can't you do your usual begining of December things st home then leave Elf behind and just take PJs for everyone?