Accidentally bought MIL a present I now know she will hate

[pastabest]

I've bought MIL a voucher for a cafe/tea room that's got a good reputation locally as I thought I remembered her saying she liked it (she really likes cafes and eating out in them) Then last night it all came horrifyingly rushing back to me that she had actually said she hadn't liked it as they couldn't cater to her quite serious dietary needs.

Not really time to get anything else now as I'm pregnant, with an energetic 10 month old already in tow, knackered and have a chest infection so it's going to be a significant effort to get anywhere reasonably decent to get her something else. I've also got no one else to give this voucher too and it's not somewhere I am likely to go myself as it's miles out of my way and not really somewhere I could really pop to with 'mum friends' so it will likely go to waste.

So do I give the voucher and apologise and explain
Give the voucher and say nothing and hope she forgot it was me she told she hadn't enjoyed it.
Not give the voucher at all and just give her the other bits (photo in a photo frame, a few other loose photos she's asked for and a gluten free Christmas cake)

For context I like MIl most of the time but things are a little tense at the moment due to family dynamics outside of my control. She also is someone that takes offence/holds grudges for YEARS.

Why on earth can't your dh fix the issue? It's his mother!

When are you seeing her? I think Amazon Prime/ one day delivery will still get here before Christmas if you want to order something else.

Probably better not to give it to her and think about how you or someone else can use it in the New Year.

Why can't your DH pick up another present for her if you feels she needs 'something else' to go with what you've already got. Or order something on line like a magazine subscription?

Oh god yes of course, why can’t your husband pop out and get something, there’s still 3 full days before Christmas.

DP works 7 days a week in the family business of which MIL is a partner. He would quite happily not get her anything, they are currently not really speaking to each other (a common occurrence). As I said, things are a little tense at the moment

I however try and stay on the right side of MIL although we don't always see eye to eye as ultimately she isn't going anywhere and is herself very generous with her time and is very caring about her family. She will be extremely upset if she doesn't get something because I've left it to DP to sort out and however wrong it is will see it as a slight from me rather than DP being crap.

Absolutely no chance of amazon prime although I am a subscriber, I was trying to get stuff last minute on Monday and none of it was going to be delivered before Monday. We live very rurally.

Can you get a friend, neighbour or other relative to get you a marks and Spencer gift card or a gift card from e.g. Morrisons who do have lot's of choice of gift cards Then get a credit for cafe or extend period on it for another birthday ?

I'd give the voucher as a prize to the next raffle I'm asked to donate to and get something from the supermarket, if the photo frame and cake aren't sufficient. Chocs/wine/flowers

Do you have a printer? Try buyagift and get an afternoon tea voucher where she can choose it.

Call the cafe, tell them what happened and how MIL felt after last visit and ask them if they will make the effort to accommodate MIL’s dietry needs. Fingers crossed that works then tell MIL the good news?

Print off an online voucher.

Online vouchers are your friend in this situation.

Plan a trip to the out-of-the-way cafe sometime in the summer.

Any good?

www.notonthehighstreet.com/thecakenest/product/gluten-free-cake-slice-club

www.glutenfreegoodies.co.uk/product/gluten-dairy-free-monthly-gift-box/

This wins the wifework award for 2017.

Online shops are still delivering, I wouldn't give the voucher

The thing about MIL’s though, Morris, is that if you do like them yourself, then you don’t want to look like you DGAF.

Of course they shouldn’t be surprised if they’ve brought up a lazy toad of a son, who doesn’t consider their feelings & hasn’t been arsed to buy a gift, but if you look upon them as “just another person I know & like who deserves a thoughtful present” then it’s hard to sit stony-faced and refuse to do anything about it.

Why should the husband go buy a present from his wife to his mother?

I buy for my MIL - SO DOES MY HUSBAND - she is a lovely woman and now a close personal friend, I buy my friends presents.

I never get this "you buy for your relatives I'll buy for mine" thing - it is only "wifework" if you don't like them and wouldn't buy them anything personally - joint presents from "us" is just a cop out..

What about a magazine subscription? You can purchase that online and then just make her a little card or something to say when the first issue will be on its way?

Have you rung the cafe to ask whether they can cater to her needs?

I'm just going to give it to her

Yes it is wifework and it is done begrudgingly to keep the peace. DP never has (even before I came on the scene) and probably never will buy his mother a Christmas present. There's a huge backstory to this which isn't relevant to the current dilemma, but she wouldn't expect a present from him, she does from me/grandchildren and if one isnt forthcoming she could make our lives pretty difficult.

Anyway, back to the decision. I cornered FIL earlier in passing (aforementioned family business), and asked him outright if Mil would be offended by the voucher as he is usually the person she goes with to these place. He said 'don't ask me she finds fault with most places we go to, I've lost track' He doesn't remember going to the cafe recently (and it was definitely recently she was telling me she had been), so not sure now if I've even remembered correctly.

I've figured that if she goes again to use the voucher she can ring them before she goes to make sure they will have something she can eat this time. She normally does this wherever she goes anyway.

The final swing factor however is that FIL also dropped into conversation that MIL has the flu bug currently (but was able to go shopping this morning) and that I am being blamed far and wide by her for passing it on to her and ruining her Christmas. Yes, she probably did catch this cold from me (mines turned into a chest infection) when she CALLED ROUND UNANNOUCED ON SUNDAY AND STAYED UNINVITED FOR AN HOUR AND A HALF DESPITE MY NUMEROUS ATTEMPTS TO GET RID OF HER AS I WAS CLEARLY ILL

Fuck that, I'm not spending anymore time thinking about it now

Ha! After that update, I would totally also give her the voucher as she sounds not so much like a person you know and like, but an enormous PITA.

Can't believe she's never had a present off her own son, though. My DH does leave it all to me mostly, but if I tell him I've got nothing and he needs to sort it, then he will. It may not be imaginative or thoughtful, but it will be a gift, and well-meant. Does your DH at least buy you a gift? Hope so!