“But I hate surprises!”

[Misty9]

Ds, 6, says to me this morning as I’m trying to frantically organise his last minute present request.

The thing is, he does hate surprises. He can’t cope on his birthday, he gets really upset at anticipating. So, is it cruel to leave things as a surprise?! He is a bit Asperger in his behaviour, though not enough for diagnosis I suspect, for context. Father Christmas brings the stockings and one present to share, so he knows most are from family.

Anyone else with a dc like this?

He is a bit Asperger in his behaviour,

My dd’s Both have ASD, DD2 likes to know what she’s getting, she will have a couple surprises but most of her presents have been bought whilst she’s there, she chose them from the shops or Amazon, yesterday she even helped me wrap her own presents, it makes Christmas so less stressful as she gets so wound up and anxious.

Tsk sorry Op.
I posted my post before I'd finished and added a snarky face

I would tell him, my eldest is 15 has passengers and we either stay on list or forewarn to give him.time to process.

Aspergers not passengers.

Absolutely no idea what is wrong with my fingers today

Mum

I have ASD and I can't cope with surprises well. I can handle them if I don't know I'm getting them, but knowing I have a surprise coming turns me into an anxious mess.

I'm not good with complete surprises as I worry about my reaction. I'm fine with the kind of surprise where you don't know which of ten things will happen.

Has he written a list? Can you reassure him that there won't be anything that isn't on his list or a list of standard things (this can be a decoy but you could put on it e.g. books, chocolate, Lego, pyjamas). There would still be an element of surprise because he doesn't know which book, which Lego, etc but he would be able to picture and plan for it better.

Interesting replies, thank you (and you're forgiven mum ) he has sort of written a list - he copied out the playmobil catalogue! the last two days he has actually said the same thing though, hence why I've been frantically trying to get hold of a discontinued Lego set!

He does become an anxious mess when expecting a surprise so maybe we need to change how we do things. Hmm. I LOVE surprises!

DS can't bear surprises either. It's taken me years to grasp this and I still have to pull myself up on it occasionally. I'm a little envious that your DS is able to articulate it so well.
My ddad loves anticipating and planning and feels cheated by surprises.

I think that next year I’d work on his list with him, well in advance and make sure it’s practical and within budget.

I love surprises too but not everyone does, it can cause anxiety, not knowing if they are going to get what they have asked for, not knowing how to react if it’s something they don’t like. We tend to stick to the list or let them pick by taking them shopping (one year I took dd to toys r us and just chose what she wanted). She still enjoys Christmas and loves unwrapping her gifts knowing she’s getting something she wanted.

If he finds surprises difficult I wonder could Santa/FC leave him a list of his gifts so he can read that (or have it read to him) on Christmas morning before he sees them? I imagine that would be a lot less overwhelming and then he's not dreading the surprise element when unwrapping his gifts. You could leave off wrapping the gifts too I suppose, then he'd have read what he's getting and he can see what everything is straight away.