Present Disappointment...

[SantaStoleMyStocking]

Name changed just in case...

Had my DB round for DHs birthday today - he left us with our christmas presents and if I'm honest, disappointment and annoyance.

It's his first christmas with his DS, and I've said numerous times throughout the year, not bothered for me and DH christmas - buy something nice for our DD instead.
We've bought them (DB and SIL and their DS) nice makeup and alcohol gifts because we wanted to - and their son - my nephew - a happyland fire engine, special book and had plans to buy the winnie the pooh book collection for DN birthday which is early new year.

Gifts given today - DD has a selection box. One that I saw in Asda last week for £1.50. That's it.
And we have gifts too - I have 2 and DH has a heavy obvious alcohol based one.

Am I being ungrateful? Or wrong to be annoyed? It's not the money, it's the lack of thought and effort. It's just me and DB and I'd consider us close and so I try my best to get nice thoughtful presents for him/SIL and now his son.

I'm just hurt and disappointed that he's ok with putting so little thought in.. maybe I just needed to get that off my chest.

Anyone offer me similar stories to cheer me up, or tell me I'm being a bit of a Christmas arse?

DoubleLottchen my 2.5 year old was in heaven when a garden centre FC gave her a selection box a few weeks ago!

Sounds like their baby is 11 months so not a young baby. I'd be disappointed too.

A selection box seems like a really good present for a 2 year old! As a kid I loved them... and I’m v excited that my cousin bought me one this year! It’s not always about the money, it’s about what gifts people would like. If someone got my 5 year old a selection box they would love it!!

Also, my best friend’s 2.5 year old has asked Santa for chocolate for Christmas. That’s it, that’s the only thing she’s asked for. So it would be the perfect gift, even if it was only £2.50!

£1.50, sorry.

I get it. My brother, on the year he got a huge sum of money through for his pension, which he couldn't wait to tell me about, didn't buy my daughter a gift at all. We got the usual cheap bottle of plonk between us, but I was outraged by the omission of DD, who was then 14. She's had nothing since then. Part of me tried to rationalise that she's nearly grown up, but ffs...I've bought their grown up kids gifts til they were 16 and slipped them a tenner for a drink whenever I've seen them after that. She went down to see them and got nothing. This year, my darling brother sent a £1.99 box of biscuits addressed to me, hubby and dd. They aren't broke. He says his wife buys the gifts, and she's never liked our side of the family, but really? A £1.99 box of biscuits? I'm a big believer in it's the thought that counts, but there comes a point where the thought isn't there and you just know they're being cheap. Inexcusable in my book. I don't think you're getting hung up on Christmas. I think shock and disappointment are appropriate reactions. I think it's reasonable to expect those closest to you to actually put some thought into buying a gift for you and your dearest at Christmas UNLESS they are short of money or in a difficult situation that makes this impossible. You're fully justified in being disappointed.

Thanks all again.. I find it hard to explain what I mean so glad that some have understood me, (even if after understanding you don't agree with how I feel).

DB isn't short on money, he's recently been getting over 1k in bonuses each month. But it is NOT about the money, just wanted to clarify for those saying maybe he's short on money.

There are underlying hurts with the situation with me, him and SIL so I will admit this may be a cherry on the top type deal, rather than a stand alone incident but they are very outing and he would be hurt that I felt this way if he knew.

It's been him bringing up presents, and asking for suggestions in the last few months. Hence us saying get DD something (with suggestions) and don't bother with us, we don't matter.
He then later told a relative his wife had bought all of us presents so we bought them all presents.. so our plans all went to shit.

We, as kids, had 'crap uncles' who didn't bother with us, and then gave thoughtless gifts so I suppose it feels like disappointment that he's become that to DD when he really is quite the opposite.
A relative once bought me a selection box as a child (older than DD but still under 7) and he told my mum (he's quite a bit older than me) it was 'crap' of that relative to do so.
It is therefore all mixed up as family relations always are.

I'm not going to get hung up on things today.. my head is clearer of a lot of stresses I had yesterday.

God that probably doesn't make anymore sense than before so.. thanks again and hope you all have a good Christmas.

You sound so bloody intense... Why in the name of God would you state numerous times throughout the year what you expect in the way of Christmas presents??
He probably did it on purpose. I'd have given you a sack of coal!

Op said her brother brought up the presents not her.
I think him asking for suggestions has raised the expectations that he is thinking of a thoughtful and wanted present for dd and if like me you give ideas to people you then don't buy those gifts yourself so you don't get double! So in this case op was expecting something either similar to suggestions or because it had been mentioned something thoughtful and a selection box, although a 2yr old may like it is not a thoughtful present
I understand you op, it is hard too when you buy thoughtful presents and don't receive them back (it's not the money) but your dd is only small so I'm sure he will make up for it in other years

I think @WildRosesGrow has hit the nail on the head. My husband's family got much more thought out gifts when I used to buy them for him :)

I doubt your DD will be disappointed, and you should try very hard not to pass on n your present evaluation to her as she gets older.
Try to enjoy giving something that you think the recipient will really enjoy, and to enjoy what your receive (and if you really can't pass it onto someone who will like it).
I can see logically that you feel the effort you put in should he reciprocated, but I can't get my head around it being on to be so angry and to judge presents not good enough - just seems ungrateful...
Either keep giving thoughtful gifts to DB and family because you want them to enjoy them, or cut down to equivalent gifts to what you received if that appeals to your sense of fairness. Personally, I enjoy giving something nice, far more than I'd enjoy trying to achieve a particular balance of low effort and value gifts!