Family Christmas guilt trip

[Debbierocket123]

Hi there :) Please help - I am having a bit of conflict with my family.

I haven't got a lot of money at the minute and have been finding previous Christmases stressful having to drive around to see everyone, so my bf and I made the decision to stay home this Christmas and invite my family over instead (and see his Boxing Day). I offered to pick them up and drop them home, for a little petrol money, we could have a great time. However everyone has turned me down and it will just be me and my boyfriend having Christmas alone. Now my mum is guilt-tripping me for not coming down to hers for Christmas and it is upsetting me. What can I do?

Remember why you chose to do it this way - doing it your mum’s way stresses you out. If being together at Christmas was that important to your mum, she’d have come to you.

Have a lovely romantic Christmas just the two of you!

I don’t think your mum is being very fair. Does she realise how stressful it is for you year after year traveling around? I don’t believe that plans should be set in stone for Christmas, they evolve as families grow and change with divorces and deaths as well as additions.

I would have a nice time in your own home and plan to see them another time. It’s always possible that snow may disrupt travel anyway. Having a couple Christmas can be really good, you can eat what you want when you want, you don’t even need to get dressed. Get favourite treats and drinks in, watch TV uninterrupted.

Are any friends still around Saturday or Sunday, could you go to the pub or have them round to you for drinks then?

It's always hard the first Christmas you do something different and it sounds like your parents are trying to resist this change and force you to come to them, as usual. I got fed up with family Christmases long before I felt brave enough to say 'This year we're staying at home'. If you want to develop a new tradition with your bf, or you just want your family to get used to the idea that you won't always be with them at Christmas then stick to your guns. People get so hung up on their own idea of Christmas that they can't see sometimes that other people find it tedious or can't stand the same old arguments. Decide what it is that you want and then stick to it, but understand that you can't force others to dance to your tune. If standing up to your family may well mean the two of you doing Christmas on your own. Is that what you want?

There is no way that hosting Christmas can be cheaper than driving, even if you live in Scotland and they in Devon and have a gas guzzling car.. Have you considered that?

I have to say that my take would be - it's Christmas, go to your mum's. It's one trip there and back. Grit it out & spend perfect Boxing Day on your own.

Everyone else has decided to stay home. You and your boyfriend have decided to do that too. End of. Your DM is trying to make you feel guilty, but you don't have anything to feel guilty for. Have a wonderful, chilled out time.

I didn't mention that my bfs company gives all its employees £300 M&S vouchers to spend on christmas food so yes it will be much cheaper to stay at home rather than spending £100s on driving to my mum, then dad, then cousin (they won't be in the same room) then friends, then bfs mum then bfs dad.... the list is endless lol.

Before we had children i longed to spend a romantic christmas alone with (then) DP but his mum would have laid on the guilt big time, and he didnt want to upset her.

Take your m&s vouchers, buy a ton of delicious food and booze and spend the day indulging, and enjoying each others company.