Present idea for childless friend

[Shoebles]

In our group of friends we have over the last 20 years drifted into not giving Christmas presents but all paying for a big event instead which has worked brilliantly.

Now most of us have recently had children and as present buying “just for the children” has creeped in. Which is fine and it’s just a small toy for each child and everyone is happy.

One friend hasn’t had children yet (but is actively TTC), so they are spending out now on all of our children but getting nothing back.

So my question is, any ideas of what sort of thing can I get for her which doesn’t put too fine a point on it? As the fact that she doesn’t have any children is a slightly sensitive issue so I don’t want to make it a big thing but I would like to give her a little something to make it a bit fairer

What about a nice bottle of wine and some chocolates? You could just say I was getting my food shopping in and saw these and thought of you, knew they're your favourites or something along those lines. Maybe just a token rather than going for a more full on present like jewellery or something that might make it more obvious.

That is a nice idea, thanks. I think you’re right about a small token instead of anything too over the top

I thought after posting maybe I’ll make it a gift from the children as that way the standard present giving custom remains in tact?

Maybe I should just go the whole hog and have the children make something beautiful for her home or to wear. She’d definitely get the joke and knowing her it would be in pride of place forever more

That sounds like a great idea. You could even say the children wanted to get you a gift because you get them one and they thought of you and helped me pick something out or made something (which ever you decide); how lovely. I think she'll be really touched by it. Have a lovely Christmas

I wouldn't give wine to someone actively TTC in case she has given up alcohol. Chocolates definitely, or maybe some slightly luxurious gloves/scarf/hat type thing. Still a token but all for her.

I love the idea of getting the DC to make something that looks like an explosion in a Christmas factory. Some nice ideas here if you have anything leftover. Otherwise this is a useful resource if your children are small.

Just thought of something you could make for your friend with your children; you could decorate a Christmas bauble/ornament. That would be really special and she cab hang it on her tree year after year and know she's thought of,

can*

How long has she been trying to conceive? If it is going on a while something made by the kids might be a reminder of what she doesn’t have - I think for me when I was struggling it would have stung. I think some small token like a box of chocolates, amaryllis, diary, Christmas themed mug, book you’ve loved that you think she might like may be better. Christmas can be so child centric and I think tough for the child free.

I always buy my friends a little something. If she isn't drinking wine due to ttc, she can always regift it/take it to a dinner party etc etc. It's the thought, just to let her know that she is important to you and you wanted to mark it at Christmas. You sound like a lovely, thoughtful friend. X

Excellent ideas, thanks all

To answer the questions

Not ttc too long but maybe best to make it not something too child centric. I think it would be ok because she does adore our little beasts but best to be on the safe side.

I think she is cutting back on the booze so I think I’ll avoid wine

I’ve decided to get the children to choose from a couple of different ornaments that I know she’ll like and a box of chocolates that will come from them, I’m pretty certain she’ll really appreciate that.

Thanks for all the input and advice!

Sorry to put this differently to everyone, but my friends and I have this exact same set up. There's 6 of us and 2 don't have children (one is me- ttc for a long time).

I've never even given it a second thought. I love buying a little something for all the kids. If I turned up this year and one friend gave me a gift to 'even it out' I'd be really embarrassed and would hate the fact that my lack of children was being singled out.

You'd either have to explicitly say 'this is because you've bought for my kids and you don't have any' or just give it without saying anything and leave her feeling bad for not getting you something.

Ah yes that was the main thing I was worried about. Too late now, unfortunately as I’ve ordered some bits to be sent directly too her, which does at least avoid any awkwardness in front of the group.

To be honest, I do think that she will take it in the spirit it was intended and won’t be embarrassed as it will just be her opening a mystery package at home rather than in front of people.

I will subtly try to scope out how she feels about it though afterwards so we all know where we stand for next year, although hopefully by then it won’t be an issue as I’ll have a lovely new excuse to be buying newborn presents all over again

Personally I think it's a very kind gesture which says that even though she may not have children yet, she's still very much thought about and included in the group.