Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Christmas

From present ideas to party food, find all your Christmas inspiration here.

Original poster

Mums dinner turns my stomach!

27 replies

Plumsmith · 11/12/2017 17:24

Hello all!

Growing up I lived with my dad and barely saw my mum except on Boxing Day every year. She likes to cook another Christmas dinner for me and my siblings, and now my husband and I go around Christmas time and she cooks for us. The problem is that her house is so dirty everything seems to be sticky that the thought of eating there makes me feel queasy. The bottoms of the ‘clean’ ‘white’ plates are brown like they have never been washed. Even the glasses and cutlery is dirty. Not only that but her fridge and kitchen sides are dirty too! I feel bad that this is an issue but I can’t work out a way around it. I offered for my husband and I to take them out instead of for her to come to us but she refused.

Please help!

OP posts:
blueskyinmarch · 11/12/2017 17:27

When you arrive can you bustle about in the kitchen for a bit to 'help' her by washing the dishes and wiping down the surfaces? I am sure you can add some of the 'clean' sticky items to the washing up!

Original poster
Plumsmith · 11/12/2017 17:30

Good idea! She probably won’t let me anywhere near the kitchen but I can try!!

OP posts:
pomegranita · 11/12/2017 17:33

Ask her to to yours next year?

pomegranita · 11/12/2017 17:34

Sorry - re-read the post and saw that you’d tried that... take her out somewhere instead?

BlackEyedKid · 11/12/2017 17:36

Say “Sorry Mum but I don’t fancy spending Boxing Day with D&V”.

pollydollymolly · 11/12/2017 17:37

Just refuse to go and say that you prefer Christmas at your own and she is welcome to come if she wants. Once I got my own house I have always had Christmas in my own home.

WowserBowser · 11/12/2017 17:39

I would HATE this. I'm really funny about cutlery and plates etc. Even if I had a change to re wash them the memory is still there!

Akire · 11/12/2017 17:40

Can imagine how you mean, ya no fun for you if the thought makes you feel sick. If through illness or otherwise! Think if she can say no to yours and no to dinner out you can say no too.

Original poster
Plumsmith · 11/12/2017 18:04

Thanks for all your advice! I do Christmas dinner in my own home for my dads side and my husbands family on Christmas Day. Unfortunately my mum won’t travel the two hours to our home as she or her husband don’t drive! I guess I’ll have to struggle through this year and try and wash up! Then put my foot down next year!

I wonder if buying some really nice disposable plates and suggesting we use them would work!

OP posts:
blueskyinmarch · 11/12/2017 18:16

That's a good plan. Take very festive disposable plates and tell her someone gave them to you and you felt this would be a good opportunity to use them!

bimbobaggins · 11/12/2017 18:30

I know how you feel, my mums house is quite similar,coupled with the fact everything smells of smoke.
I don’t have a solution for you. My mum gets very offended if I even try to mention it ,in the nicest way.

MyBrilliantDisguise · 11/12/2017 18:35

Do you feel you have to go at all? It sounds as though she almost deserted you as a child and is living a chaotic life now. I'm afraid I couldn't eat there - I would feel sick.

MrsHathaway · 11/12/2017 18:37

I've been looking at paper plates this week and very nearly bought the ones printed with Brussels sprouts Grin

But honestly I think washing up would be better (bring your own new sponge).

eggsandwich · 11/12/2017 18:44

I have the same with my Mil, it makes me gag when we went there to eat, worksurfaces sticky, cooker dirty and no lid on the bin and food spilling over, I don’t go there now and she either comes to us or Dh goes on his own to hers.

Original poster
Plumsmith · 11/12/2017 18:56

My mum and her husband both smoke like chimneys too!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Plumsmith · 11/12/2017 18:57

Best get looking for some fabulous plates! I’m going to insist she comes to us next year! Even if I have to pay for the train fair myself!

OP posts:
SpecialAgentDaleCooper · 11/12/2017 19:01

Disposable plates for this year is a genius idea!

As for next year, put your foot down and insist on taking them out next year as she's "been so good and cooked for you every year...time she put her feet up " blah, blah....

SpecialAgentDaleCooper · 11/12/2017 19:03

some in the sale here including complete sets

bluebell34567 · 11/12/2017 19:08

she is your mum, cant you tell her about it?

Original poster
Plumsmith · 11/12/2017 19:10

specialagentdalecooper thank you so much I’ll have a look!

Bluebell34567 not really. We don’t have much of a relationship, mainly due to her choices when I was younger, so I don’t want to be to blame for anything that would cause a rift!

OP posts:
Killerfiller · 11/12/2017 19:12

Hate stuff like this it makes me heeeeeeeave.

I wouldn't go. Your too nice lol.

Bearbehind · 11/12/2017 19:18

There's absolutely no point in taking disposable plates/ cutlery if the fridge and preparation areas are disgustingly dirty.

I simply wouldn't go. I know it's not very helpful but there's no other solution unless you are going to put up with it.

bluebell34567 · 11/12/2017 19:21

I wouldn't go either.

ThatsMySantaHisBeardIsSoFluffy · 11/12/2017 19:52

Nor would I!

Life's too short for politeness in this situation!

ohanabanana · 11/12/2017 22:17

Could you make up some excuse so that you don’t stay at hers for the meal? Eg call somewhere for lunch on the journey over so when you arrive you’re not hungry, “thanks but we’ve already eaten” then say you’ll have to leave after a few hours as you’re going to a party/theatre etc in the evening?. Maybe let her know if these “plans” in advance so that she doesn’t get in food for you specially. If she’s not very house proud she’s probably not bothered about hosting anyway. She’d probably just like to see you for a while in the day.