Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Christmas

From present ideas to party food, find all your Christmas inspiration here.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

How much money for teenagers

51 replies

stelmaria · 07/12/2017 10:13

I have 2 DSS (17 & 19) currently we give them £100 each for Christmas, DH and I also have DS together (3) and DS2 is due in February. I am wondering if it would be ok to reduce the amount we give the eldest next year to around £50, mainly because of our financial situation with DS2 coming. I am a SAHM and DH has a salary of £24000 which is quite tight to get by on, but we manage. I wanted to judge responses on here before bringing it up with DH.

OP posts:

WaxOnFeckOff · 07/12/2017 13:59

OP, I think you say that until they are 18 then they get gifted the same as a child - e.g. the £100 but 18 plus, they get gifted as an adult and that is less. I know my own DSs (17 and 16) would entirely understand that.

I don't get all the angst about people saying you need to spend the same on stepchildren who also have another set of parents to give them things. Treating people fairly isn't always about treating them the same.

WaxOnFeckOff · 07/12/2017 14:03

If you were splitting the £300 between 4 in this scenario where the DH's DC are also given gifts from their other parent/step parent then it should be £50, £50, £100 and £100.

DC1 & 2 get £50 each from their Dad and DC3 & 4 also get £50 from their Dad and then £50 each from their Mum.

WaxOnFeckOff · 07/12/2017 14:06

This year i'd be tempted to give £75 to each of the older two and explain to the eldest that he'll just get a token gift next year as he'll be an adult. Then the 2nd oldest gets £75 next year and token gift thereafter.

TheOnlyPurpleLlama · 07/12/2017 14:10

I wouldn’t.

My parents have reduce my birthday presents from £100 to £50 in the past three years, as I’ve had two children.

There are other issues around using money to extort the life they want me to lead but I’m not very impressed they’ve done this. (Disclaimer: they’re not hard up)

Lovemusic33 · 07/12/2017 14:13

My parents spend about £10-£30 on me, I don’t feel hard done by, I’m an adult and if I want to buy something I use my own money, I wouldn’t expect them to spend £100+ on me wether they could afford it or not. They bought me plenty when I was a child.

titchy · 07/12/2017 14:19

No keep the amount the same. But don't increase increase it and with time it'll be worth £50. Your younger children don;t need anything like that amount and won;t for many years so save that way.

GoingRogue · 07/12/2017 14:24

£100 to give an adult (over 18) is a lot imo. I have an 18yo dss (whose Mum also married well and they go on lavish holidays and take him) and if we were struggling then I'd chat to him and explain and reduce the amount accordingly.

Do they work? I've worked since I was 14 and my Mum was a hard-up single Mum. She'd take a third of all my income as bed and board from the age of about 15. That's life.

Original poster

stelmaria · 07/12/2017 14:36

To answer a couple of questions...The youngest is at college and the eldest is at uni. Neither work and have no need to. DH pays child support for the 17 year old and his mum gives him this as pocket money as she has no need for it. She also supplements both of their expenses, hence no need for them to work.

OP posts:

titchy · 07/12/2017 14:47

Your children get less because they;re a fuck of a lot younger...

The time to reduce the amount, if you insist on it, is when they have jobs. Not while they're in full time education.

Original poster

stelmaria · 07/12/2017 15:07

Surely the time to reduce it would be when we can no longer afford it. Them being in full time education has no relevance on them receiving Christmas gifts.

OP posts:

Havingahorridtime · 07/12/2017 15:28

I would reduce the spending in the older ones and I wouldn't feel guilty about it. They are practically adults and present spending is usually less for adults in most households. £24k is not a huge amount for a family to live on and something has to give.

YellowMakesMeSmile · 07/12/2017 17:56

The answer wouldn't change whether it was your DS or DSS, if you can't afford to maintain your existing children then you shouldn't be adding more to the family. Everyone suffers then for the parents choices.

It's your DHs salary paying so surely he can give them what he likes anyway?

YellowMakesMeSmile · 07/12/2017 18:03

So you can't afford the £100 for Christmas yet can afford for you not to work and the expenses of a whole other person ....

Original poster

stelmaria · 07/12/2017 18:42

It is my husband's salary but it is paid into our joint account and is our money. I'm not going into the specifics of how we can afford another child, but we can. This question was mostly to do with them being adults and as I previously said I don't think I worded it very well. DH & I have discussed it and we will continue with the £100 gift each until they are 21 and after that we will probably reduce slightly and add a token gift. Thank you everyone for your comments (and in some cases unfair judgement).

OP posts:

Marissa2727 · 07/12/2017 20:20

Assuming that they also get presents off their Mum and considering their age I think this is fine. They probably get more than many kids will whose parents are still together because they are getting two lots of gifts. But I think you have to give the two older kids the same amount as each other. You can't really give one £50 and the other £100.

Marissa2727 · 07/12/2017 20:30

People are quick to jump and say poor step children getting less money for Christmas from their dad than their half siblings.
But I bet you no one would say poor children of dad and step mum when they get less than their half siblings who get two lots of gifts from their bio Mum and dad and any 'bonus' step family they have. Double standards.
The op and her husband live off 24k to support their bio children together and her step children. The step children seem to be well off with their Mum with one of them is getting child maintenance as pocket money. Doubt the younger two will experience the same luxury. Just a thought!

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 11/12/2017 21:30

I'm not going into the specifics of how we can afford another child, but we can
Can you really? When you can't afford to give the two eldest £100 each once a year?

A saving of £100 per year will apparently make or break your finances...

WhySeaEm · 11/12/2017 22:59

Don't do it.

Save money through the year. I think it's awful to cut it in half just because you're having another baby! Just cos they're adults doesn't mean they don't deserve a gift

Havingahorridtime · 12/12/2017 01:36

whysea they will still be getting a gift -£50 is quite a generous gift for an adult. Most people reduce spending once their children become adults. If OP hadn't mentioned the baby and just said she wanted to reduce the amount because they are adults most people would agree that it's okay to do so after the age of 18.

ihavetogoshoppingnow · 12/12/2017 09:17

It’s fair, they will understand and step children’s or not really doesn’t make a difference. I was old enough at 13 to understand I would get less when my dad was out of work poorly. Explain to them that it’s not a reflection of your love for them and that everyone is getting less, I would however give both £75 instead of one £100 and one £50?

Notso · 12/12/2017 09:45

My oldest of four is 17 and at the moment I can't imagine giving her anything less that the other three get. If anything my older two get more as the younger two want less expensive items but that will even out as they get older and the older ones have left home etc.

I am intrigued about when it's acceptable to spend less at Christmas. I had my last 'child' Christmas with stocking etc at 19 when I was pregnant with DD. After then I just had one present (fine with that btw this is not a complaint!)
Assuming and hoping! DD doesn't follow in my footsteps when do we start just getting one gift for her? Or do we carry on as we always have? A lot of my friends still get a couple of hundred quid plus stockings and pyjamas.

Zevitevitchofcrimas · 12/12/2017 09:53

Your children are younger.
I got stuff for free, second hand when my two were little.
I would try not to cut down their Xmas money.
I'm sure you your husband can cut down on something ti make sure his dc get that money. It's not their fault you set the precedent and it's more about feeling loved and wanted when your in this situation.

Put another way, how would you feel if your dc were going to get less because your dh married again and she had another baby on the way. You may feel... If you cannot afford to give the same money at Xmas, once a year, can you afford a new baby?

Iusedtobecarmen · 12/12/2017 14:03

Omg posters suggesting that OP shouldnt have any more DC if has to cut funding for stepchildren!!
Why should someone be 'punished 'just because her partner had children before they met?!
Her stepkids have 2 families and if she gives them the usual 100 pounds they will have presents of their mother and family too. So will have more than her own dc!!if stepchildren live with you then I agree on spending the same(to a degree,depending on age).
I had a step dc. Before I had any dc with my partner I spent more on stepdc. Once we had children together i spread the money out. Now step dc is an adult I spend way less than on my younger dc.
Just have I have done with my own dc. If I had a another baby then my dc presents would probably reduce too depending what we could afford

Iusedtobecarmen · 12/12/2017 14:07

OP you are right. Most posters are picking a fight. Telling you that if found any afford 100 quid once a year then you shouldn't have another baby!!
It's not about affording it's about spreading your money more evenly. I have 3 dc
Say I spend 200 each
If i had a another dc I would probably cut that to 150 each
Makes sense.
Hardly depriving kids!
Makes me laugh on here as posters usually boast about living on a shoestring and paying their mortgage off by age 35

ConfusionIsNothingNew · 12/12/2017 14:16

My DSD is 19 (nearly 20) and she gets £200. She used to get £300 but we reduced it down over the past 2 years for a number of reasons:
a) she's an adult now, works part time and has a student loan so isn't in dire need!
b) her little (half) brother (3) gets £200 spent on him so it works out fairly
c) if we were a 'nuclear' family, Christmas money (which we save for all year) would be split equally anyway so I don't see the problem with doing it with step families!

Flip

1 2 3