Whats the etiquette for presents here?

[FritzDonovan]

Seeing both dsis and dbro with their partners and dc at xmas, all at my parents. All have been pretty skint over the past few years and even though we get together they decided on a no presents policy for xmas/birthdays many years ago. Fair enough, we're all in the same boat.
However, got a text from sil saying she wanted to do kids presents this year as they were coming down to parents this year (pretty sure they were there last yr, but never mind). They now have 3 dc, the rest of us stuck at 2. Have asked what the budget is, but no reply yet.
Sil has one baby, one toddler, all other dc are 7+. What would be a good/fair way to distribute the budget? An amount per kid (bearing in mind sil youngest has already inherited two lots of plastic tat) so me and dsis shell out more, or an amount per family, so its equal outlay?
Please don't flame me for being a scrooge! They made the no presents rule at a time of poverty, now we are cutting back and she suddenly announces presents we hadn't planned on!

Maybe I'm being a bitch and have a mental block against spending more than she will, bearing in mind it was no presents previously, now presents are back on again when she had more DC, dictates the terms, and we all are constantly told to be nice to her ("be the better person") even if she's not. I worry that if I spend less I'll be Sen as being deliberately stingy. I don't think I can win. Still haven't had a reply re things here would like and budget... And it's sad that Xmas brings this all to the fore. Probably I'm just not nice enough .

Rubbish Fritz, you sound lovely to me. You are bending over backwards to placate your SIL (Who sounds very demanding.) already. It must be hard to deal with all the time.

I think your past experiences with SIL and your concern about not upsetting her are making you overthink this massively.

Just spend what you can afford, and buy each child a gift you think they would enjoy. Don't enter into any more talks about gifts with her, and stop allowing yourself to get worked up about it.

She sounds like a nightmare!

I'll give you a few suggestions:

10 books for £10 from the Works & add a selection box bulk buy selection box

Or 2 gifts for £10

Thx jaffa . I have to admit I haven't looked yet as she hasn't replied to message about their interests yet. We only see them a few times a year, and kids interests change quite a bit in my experience of 7yr olds! Not so much the toddler and baby, obviously, but I don't want to buy something they already have (and youngest has inherited two lots of age appropriate toys already so that's a substantial number!).

She has already changed the rules, why does she get to set the budget as well? What If she replies with £25 each? If you are happy to buy for them then fine but your family's finances are your business. Just tell her you will be spending x amount on each child as that is what your finances can stretch to this year.

Magic sets go down well for my Ds's 7year old friends of both sexes. The works sell magic sets and chocolate is usually always appreciated unless there are dietary issues.

Argos usually sell a huge arts & crafts set in their two for €20 section. In your situation I think I would buy something like Hamma beads or arts& crafts with loads of sparkles & glitter & glue for the seven year old..... Child will absolutely love it.....