How to be a thoughtful gift giver

[RainbowInACloud]

Does anyone have any tips?! My family are great but gift giving was not a huge thing for us. Most of my family give things like boots 3 for 2 gifts etc.
I really want to be better at it. My SIL is just brilliant at it and even when I try hard, my gifts to her just seem a bit crap.
I know this is a bit generic but does anyone have any advice about how to approach this?
Thanks

Consumerables!

Food! I buy locally sourced food such as chutneys, cheese, wine etc and make a small hamper for adults.

So when I'm buying gifts I think about that persons hobbies/interests and what free time/opportunities they have to do things.
I also think realistically about budget.
So- my husband loves cars and car shows he also works very hard and gives all his spare time to myself and our child- so he has car show tickets and I'm arranging his brother to go with him and his brothers wife will sort out a meal for them. Means they get a break from families/time together and do something they love.
My Mil has no hobbies or interest apart from her family- so photo books/lunches /outings with families work for her.
My brother is a twat - and ends up selling anything I get for him- so he is getting money.
My mum loves a certain author- so she's getting a signed book from him.

Everybody always says I'm a great gift giver and always know people's taste. And that's just it you have to know their taste, find out what they like and what they're into. For instance if somebody wears earrings what kind of earrings are they- delicate or dangly? What's their style? Take notice of colours they wear? Do they wear scarves etc? It's all about observation and taking mental notes and listening throughout the year as so many times people will say oh I could do with this or that or I need a new whatever.

Thanks, I'm trying to think hard about what they like / are in to/ wear. The edibles could be a good idea too.

With edibles I just come right out and ask what people's favourite chocolate are etc and are they still the same because otherwise you end up with a grumpy relative getting the same chocs every year that they hate but people think they love...

People I think are good at giving listen when you talk. They remember what coffee you order / which colours you wear / which authors you read / what jewellery you like / where you shop / what kind of cake you eat. They give you a gift that goes with what you already have and who you already are, rather than something that would suit the person you wish they were.

They give gifts that don't cost the recipient time or obligation. They don't nag to check that you've used it, but are delighted if you mention that you have. They don't flaunt large disparities in wealth.

Oh and don't try to get the Perfect gift. Get a good gift. The pressure of perfect spoils it on both sides.

MrsHathaway, I know what you’re saying but you really have to know a person quite well to take all those things into account.

Most of us have various relatives we have to buy for as they are family but often we rarely see them and don’t keep up to date with their interests and likes and dislikes. Such is life, it is what it is. It would be nice if everyone had the time to foster close family and friend relationships but for busy families with both parents working full time it is hard.

Don't buy clothes unless you are really sure of the size. Last yea I had lovely slippers (size too small) and a beautiful jumper (too big). It's not always easy/appropriate to ask for the receipt or exchange without one so they end up in the charity bag.

MrsHathaway Beautifully said!

Most of the people I buy for drop hints throughout the year as to what make up/perfume they use, food and drink they like. Or at least that they enjoy gardening/cooking/watching tv

I take my cues from what people give me (they tend to choose things they themselves like). So I give back to them something in the same vein. E.g. A friend often gives me sparkly sequinny colourful ethnic items. I don't love them myself but it tells me what she would like to get. Another gives me specialist kitchen equipment. Again not particularly my thing but i can see that she loves browsing in kitchen shops! Then I get something along those lines. I choose things that I like but in their style or fitting their interest. I love it when I get it right!

I have close relatives that give the same gift to multiple people/couples and I find it a bit thoughtless TBH.

I chose something for SIL last year based on the colours I know she likes. I found it very hard as they aren’t the colours I like! Think she liked it though.

Use your eyes and your ears - in general conversation if she says she can't start the day without a coffee, now you know she likes coffee. Look at what she uses, does she have a lot of one brand? Does she often wear scarves, what sort of colours does she wear, does she wear jewellery. Is she a chef in the kitchen or a kitchen nightmare?

Good gifts take thought, but you can sit and think for as long as you like and if you haven't done the above then you may not come up with anything. Take clues from the person themself, they will be pleased and will be impressed that you remembered they love boxer dogs, or always wear a scarf.

I think the best presents are a really nice version of something someone would have/use/eat anyway.

Yes, clothes are a big no no for me. they’re such a personal choice.

My wardrobe isn’t “me”. It’s just a random collection of stuff that I’ve had to buy in a hurry for work or holiday without much thought or things that others have bought for me. So if people think they know clothing style I like to buy for myself they Are probably wrong because it isn’t mine iyswim. And so it goes on. I get bought more stuff by people that isn’t really “me” but wear it and then people get the wrong impression about what I like and so it goes on....I buy so little of anything for myself actually that people couldn’t possibly guess what my taste in anything really is!

I think a lot of things come down to personal choice actually. What is one person’s idea of a nice scented candle would make another person’s nose wrinkle up.

“I think the best presents are a really nice version of something someone would have/use/eat anyway.”

Yes, this.

My MIL tends to buy stuff that she thinks we should wear rather than stuff we actually wear! For example-she buys me bright turquoise and pinks, when I never wear those colours. She buys chunky gold coloured bracelets and necklaces and earrings when I wear silver-ccoloured small pendants or bead necklaces, tiny stud earrings and no bracelets! She also buys me lots of clothes whereas I would never buy someone else clothes -even my mum who I shop with regularly. It’s too easy to get wrong.

I think the key is being observant and listening to what people say. If you are self-absorbed and only talk about yourself (MIL-I’m still looking at you), you tend not to get to know other people’s likes terribly well...

I am generally considered to be a good gift giver, and I always send cards for birthdays.

I buy things throughout the year when I see them and will put things aside for people, including cards. Like today I was in Paperchase getting a card for my cousin and saw one with cartoon sea-creatures animals discussing a friend called Dave. That's my brother in law's name, so I bought that one as well, ready for next year.

Present-wise, Facebook is an excellent tool. What are their statuses? Are they enjoying watching 'Stranger Things' or are they a 'Strictly' fan? Do they check in at the football on a Saturday? Do they share cat videos or get tagged ny other friends in unicorn memes? Do they eat out a lot or complain about cooking again. All these things are clues.

If you're at someone's house you can get good ideas too - what books and CDs are on their shelves? Do they collect horse ornaments or have loads of houseplants? Is there a particular perfume on the shelf in the bathroom etc? Do they like modern design or favour the chickens/hearts/family plaques everywhere?

Also, some people have Amazon wishlists for themselves that they don't necessarily publicise, but if you search their name/email you can track down.

I have been told I am good at gifts... I listen out for ideas all year... And note stuff down.. Either things people say they have liked... A certain book so I can find another by same author for instance... Or things people enjoy and then I try to find something relating to it.
I particularly like giving an experience rather than stuff.. So a close friend is really keen on craft and I read in a magazine about cool workshops, one was how to make a pair of shoes... I cut out the article and tracked down course and booked her on it.
So it's combination of listening for clues, keeping snippets of info when you read or see something and doing a bit of leg work.

What bout getting a better version of something they buy themselves? Do if they buy, say, candles regularly, what about a posh one?

I think an easy one to get right is Christmas decorations. What do they put up? Colours, themes, styles? Crafty one off pieces?

MrsHathaway, I know what you’re saying but you really have to know a person quite well to take all those things into account.

Well, quite. Which is where "aim for good, not perfect" comes into it. I don't think I'm a brilliant gift giver fwiw so I'm describing the people I think are. I think "brilliant gift givers" are born, not made, so the rest of us need to chill out and aim for "good enough".

Relatives we don't see often always give us expensive champagne - we don't drink it but we can share it with friends so it isn't at all inappropriate. Unless you know they're an alcoholic or Muslim (for example) champagne is a good gift. Not perfect, but good. It says "you are worth nice things".