Any tactful ways to stop the tat??

[Anotherdayanotherdollar]

Right so, definitely a first world problem but how do you tactfully ask people to stop buying tat for the kids??

Not stuff that I just don't like, but stuff that is age inappropriate and kids have no interest in! It's such a waste of money!

MIL is the worst, ds was 3 recently. She asked for present suggestions and I suggested books or pyjamas. She bought both, pjs a size too small that she had removed the labels from so can't be exchanged, and not 1, not 2, but 4 baby books!! Along the lines of "my first colours", "my first animals" etc. Ds has an extensive vocabulary and is long past that sort of book!

I try to be grateful that she is thinking of them, but I get so worked up about it. It's like she has never met them before!! Or perhaps just has never taken an interest in them.
Is there any way to ask her not to bother??

I’ve tried that too soman with rspb membership and nt membership, the gp went for the nt membership which was fab, but still felt the need to buy stuff for the dc to ‘unwrap’.... so they ended up spending more money and we still got the same old tat! But at least we have nt membership!

Somany, there was a post recently from a charity shop worker
She was asking us to think about buying from the charity shop in the first place otherwise they just get overloaded after Xmas

I think it's probably quite a common problem now

Of course charity shops need donations, it's just the post Xmas period where I think they are forced to bin or keep it stored somehow and then there's the problem of toys being out of fashion soon etc

With regard to the clothes, surely you could have told her it was the wrong size. What would be offensive about that? Perhaps she picked up the wrong one, thought it looked big etc. Saying we love the pj's we just need them in a bigger size. If anything she would l know not to cut future tags off and consult on sizes first.

The books are difficult, I understand that but don't dismiss as he at know how to say the word but reading and spelling means.thw books could still come in handy.

i like the idea of asking for an nt/heritage membeership although i fear, as you say, the result would be much the same except membership included! I do try not to donate things that aren't something i envisage anybody would want - our school has a rag bin, maybe you can encourage that so people rag things that nobody else could possibly want as torn, broken etc.

ah nyx I agree - I've got large extended family and when I've had plain duplicates (the year DD got 3 barbies), I donated them before Christmas

• it's tricky to do if you expect to see the gifter though but fortunately I've got one thoughtless relative who just sends me stuff and at least 3 years running I've had stuff they've already got.

I make suggestions to family members about what our children may like and also what they and their children may want.

I remember one year, our dining room was overflowing with loads of gifts for the children and quite a lot of it was tat, if I’m honest. There were lots of plastic toys with bits that could get broken etc.

The other method is the passive aggressive ‘please can you exchange this for a more suitable gift’. One relative always buys the children the wrong size clothing. For example, for DDs 4th birthday, relative bought clothing aged 3-4. Whilst DD is on the smaller side, an item aged 3-4 normally isn’t going to fit her for long, so I’d prefer they sized up. This relative will normally check the reduced rack in shops, meaning so can’t return the item, plus they pull the tags off items. I’ve taken to giving them the item back, knowing full well they won’t return it. At least it gets it out of my home!!!

PP - 'Please can you exchange this for a more suitable gift' and 'giving them the item back'. Don't you think that's rude?

I think it is cheese

That’s the issue though, you have to like it and lump it despite constant asks of please don’t buy too much.

They don’t listen, yet you’re stuck with the tat and have to be polite.

kc225 I did tell her it was the wrong size! Not as abruptly as that mind you, more in a "oh, they're beautiful, we'll have to swap for the bigger size though". That's when she said they couldn't be changed as she had taken the tags off.
who does that anyway?

Surely the books will help dc to actually read? At 3yo those books helped my son to read and tbh we still have them so he can check the spelling of scarecrow or excavator from time to time.

With the pjs, smile and nod.

sometimes there's an affordability aspect isn't there? My family members who aren't wealthy can go and buy stuff in the reduced section, feel they've got them something nice for Christmas but wouldn't want me to know that they've spent only £4, so on that basis I'd never tell those family members because although they'd have been better off keeping the £4 or giving it to charity, i know why they did it and when I've tried suggesting no presents, then that penalizes their kids, iyswim.

eluquinto perhaps they would help him to read, but, for example, it's a page with a few red items and the letters R-e-d on it. Nothing as advanced as scarecrows or excavators! And we already have similar books anyway.

Regarding affordability, I know it's not an issue as such. The pjs are current stock, wouldn't be discounted at this stage, just the wrong size and can't be changed! I wouldn't have any issue with having £4 spent on them, but there is a lot more spent and none of it useable to them!

it's funny isn't it - DM is prone to getting sizes wrong as she holds it up and tries to figure it out from height, it's an old fashioned thing but only works if you can accurately remember the size of the child in question.

I am having a pre-Christmas clear out personally and making sure i donate toys to the school fair so that they will be won as prizes/bought up and some space freed for yet more stuff.

It doesn't usually matter if you have cut tags off clothing. I have worked in a few different types of shops and it's never been an issue at all. You can always exchange. We have the same issue with MIL btw, never fails to buy the wrong size clothing. She definitely does the 'Hold up and guess' test rather than the more reliable 'Read the label' test. I just give it away.

adambarlow didn't realise that. Will exchange them so!

I walked past the thing in the photo today - I wish I had taken a photo as this isn't very good

www.ucl.ac.uk/news/students/112017/151117-bright-friday

I worry about waste but even I didn't know we were dumping this amount of clothing every 3.5 minutes!! It's like a big cube display things.....absolutely crammed with clothes.

I used to work for a large supermarket and there was a no exchange without all original packaging policy, which included tags

Just be very very specific, or buy make an arrangement with her (assuming she's happy with this arrangement), that you buy the gift within her budget and she reimburses you.

We do this for both grandpa's!!! One of them is very involved with the kids but opts to buy lots of Chinese plastic that falls apart, and the other has much much less to do with the kids, so honestly is clueless as to what they're into, and would only buy very good quality which sadly missed the mark every time.

My concern honestly was that they it was a waste of their money... both pensioners so neither can afford to waste. For FIL we now give him 2 or 3 very specific options and he chooses out of those (and I mean VERY specific, like naming the exact item), and for my Dad we buy the gift from him and he reimburses us.

Everyone is now very happy and no-one is throwing away hard-earned money.

Get DS involved. Ask him what he'd like for Christmas and then pick something appropriate from his suggestions - so not something where she can get the wrong age/type, something about the right price range, something as specific as possible -so Fireman Sam fire engine rather than 'fire engine' etc. Then get him to ask her for it for Christmas. Make a big deal about how he really wants this thing and how pleased he'd be that Granny bought it for him. Send her a link if necessary. Talk about Christmas while she's there and make a big thing about "Oh, yes, well, we've asked Granny for that fire engine haven't we? So maybe, if you wait til Christmas Day ..."
I wouldn't do this with a relative who liked picking her own presents, or loved giving a bag of stuff from the pound shop or whatever. But a relative who's SPECIFICALLY asked for suggestions ... I think it's fair enough if you choose something of the right price range. And then she gets to see how excited DS is about getting whatever it is, and hopefully that'll prod her into getting the right thing.

My MIl used to be awful at this. Wud maybe spend 50+ on rubbish that went to charity shop straight after christmas. She once got my Ds ages 7 and age 10 swimshorts (same ones) for his 5th birthday(small for his age) 😂 thankfully i have a cousin that age so he hot the 10 ones