Family stating with us over Christmas

[MGrey]

Okay so we currently have one child just turned 3 and one on the way just over 3 months along. My family live abroad and my in laws live about an hour away (we used to live 10 mins away but we moved about 18 months ago. Every Christmas for the last 10 years we've got up opened present at our house and then gone over to the in laws mid afternoon till the evening to open presents with them and have Xmas dinner. We've never spent a Christmas over with my family because we have 2 dogs and can't take them with us.

Now this year my family are closer with their dogs and I invited them over for Xmas initially thinking they wouldn't come as it's a lot of messing about for them to get here but now they've decided to decent upon us for 10 days. Both my parents birthdays will also fall between this period.

My husband initially raised some concerns when I spoke with him about it before asking them but said it was okay. Now they've come back and said their coming so it'll be my parents, my niece and their 2 small dogs. My husband is very upset as he feels it's the last Xmas morning we will get with our son just the 3 of us before his sibling arrives plus because of his age it's his first Xmas he will be aware of what's going on. But he now feels it's ruined because my family will be here.

Just to also add last Xmas wasn't great either as he was under a lot of stress at work and I asked if we could have a full Xmas day at home and his family could come to us as our son should get to play with his toys all day without having to spend 2 hours in the car. Plus he was only 2. And i've never got to have a family Xmas at home just us as my mil always wants us there. He was mad at me then too. I eventually gave in but the only reason we actually stayed at home was because we went to get in the car to drive over and his tyre was flat.

I totally understand his feelings on the matter but I don't know what I can do to make anything better. I don't want another Xmas like last year with upset, arguments and stress but this will probably be the only year I'll get to spend with my parents on Xmas day now for the foreseeable future. And can't now uninvite them!

Any thoughts would be much appreciated and apologies for the long post!!

can your parents babysit so you both get a break from them? maybe its the idea of 10 days with them which is spooking him, it would me too. are they spending all the time with you or can they be encouraged to do some siteseeing/visitng other relatives?

Well yes my suggestion is to confront the problem. This is how you stop them from recurring. The op's natural approach is going to mean her dp makes every Christmas (and presumably lots of other events too) quite miserable unless he gets what he wants. That kind of twattwry needs black and white don't pull this shit on me confrontation.

You need to develop a thicker skin.
Its your turn to enjoy this year.
Make sure you do.

I think your DH isn’t unreasonable to feel sad for it not just to be the three of you but he’s unreasonable to not just suck it up for your sake.

We are currently living abroad. When in the UK I really prize have a few hours opening presents in our PJs with just the D.C.

Since living in here we’ve had my PIL staying for two weeks over Christmas every year. I really miss that time on Christmas morning and other little traditions we can’t do as the PILs are there but I keep my mouth shut.

They fly a long way to see their Grandchildren and it’s the height of their year.

I would never put my DH in the position of having to choose between me and his parents.

He’d choose me, but that’s not the point.

it's the last Xmas morning we will get with our son just the 3 of us before his sibling arrives

Get a life!

I'd be telling my dp to bore of if he pulled that shit. Tell him to go to mummy's if he wants to piss on your parade . What a knob! It's not like it's every Christmas! Why does he get to sulk and get his way? Why does his parents take priority?
Fuck that for a game of soldiers I'd be telling him what for .

Christmas is always about trying to meet as many people's needs as possible and compromise.

I've often thought about naming another day 'just us Christmas day' or celebrating thanksgiving as our family day.

Over the years December 1st has become a bit of a special just our family day. We decorate the house and garden, get soppy with the DC about the weathered handprint angels and squished polystyrene cup and pompom snowmen, we eat warmed minced pies, stollen, DH and I have some mulled wine, we often put on a soppy film like polar express whilst we do the tree and the children drink warm chocolate/ marshmallows and squirty cream.

Oh, also very importantly it's the day they find out what their advent calendar is. A big thing for DC who don't have big Christmas presents as the advent calendar is their first present of Christmas.

At 3 things like a father Christmas visit can be really special family time and driving into town after dark and seeing all the decorations. So many special first time they may remember you can make an effort to enjoy as a family unit. Actual Christmas day isn't all that much of the whole celebration period.

Your dp needs to sort himself out.
It’s one year.

I thought you were going to complain about the fact they were coming to stay for 10 days. No way I could accept that at christmastime! But either that’s fine by you or it’s a whole other thread!

He sounds about 5 and very selfish.

I'm from overseas and haven't spent Christmas with my family since 2005. My DH might secretly sigh at the though of my parents descending for 10 days but would not do anything to make me feel guilty or them unwelcome.

I'd say he's got so used to giving his mum her way that he's scared to tell her things are changing!

So...you prepare a stocking for you DS and put it outside his door. Then when he wakes up the three of you sit on your bed, you sip tea/coffee and enjoy him opening his stocking.

Then you get up with the rest of the family for presents under the tree and a nice breakfast.

DreamingofSun, I've suggested Xmas eve day where his family could come up. I don't think I could cope with that many in my house on Xmas day. My parents won't be here every day we have other family like my grandmother about 40 mins away so my folks will want to go over there too. Plus they have friends to see I would of thought. Their not the type of people to just sit in my house for 10 days.

I can honestly say he gets pulled up for his 'twattery' 😂 (I like that one). But honestly it never seems to get me anywhere. We give and take like all marriages. I just think he's had his way for too long as I've not really had any other options.

It's very true though I do need to grow a thicker skin and just enjoy it. It's what I intend to do.