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Original poster

Small present pile - pressure to get more

60 replies

HighwayDragon1 · 26/10/2017 15:31

This is going to sound ridiculous so bear with me please.

We've bought DD a laptop for Christmas, but this means she'll get much less to unwrap. How do I not buy stuff for the sake of it? How important is "the pile" in your house? For the last 7 years she's had a massive pile to unwrap, because her main presents are usually around the 50/60 mark not 310 I just feel so guilty!

Does anyone else get the guilt? I knew we are in an incredible situation that we can afford a lot, and some are scraping together to give kids any kind of Christmas and that makes me feel worse!

I'm having a pity party right now! Tell me, how many gifts do you give? (Excluding stocking)

OP posts:
Thesmallthings · 26/10/2017 21:36

Fox why not do that for her birthday with letting her know it's because she needs one for school etc so not to expect a big gift every birthday.

DrMadelineMaxwell · 26/10/2017 21:42

My dd is having her provisional driving license paid for and a gig ticket for her main gifts.

So her 'pile' is going to be smaller. Their sacks are relatively small compared to some: about pillow case size. And in there will be a throw for her bed (Harry potter themed) and a hoodie that I know she wants that are bulky to make the pile look more substantial.

ArcheryAnnie · 26/10/2017 22:57

If you've got a big-ticket item that's physically small (eg a gig ticket) that your kid doesn't know about, then you can do the nesting-boxes thing: put the ticket in a small box, then a bigger box, then a bigger box, then a bigger box, then a bigger box, then wrap it up. I did this with one of DS's one year (I have a cupboard with random boxes in it for packing parcels, so it didn't cost me anything and I could use the boxes anyway afterwards) and it made him laugh SO MUCH, just opening this Russian Doll of a present! And he got to do lots of the frantically-unwrapping thing!

MoNigheanDonn · 27/10/2017 07:45

It's the same here, doesn't help that we have a toddler whose presents are obviously much larger in size so dds gift piles look tiny in comparison.

On has an Xbox and the other a bike so they're getting a Dr books each, a CD and their stocking and that's it from us. They were told in the asked for such big ticket items that they weren't getting anything else.

Treats · 27/10/2017 07:49

I'm tempted to say that if you think she'd be disappointed to receive just a laptop for Christmas then don't buy the laptop. If you genuinely think she'd rather have a big pile of cheaper things then get those instead.

But if she wants a laptop then get it for her and limit the other gifts. Our children "only" get a stocking from Santa and one big thing from us and they're absolutely thrilled with that. They get lots from grandparents and aunts and uncles so it adds up to quite a stash on the day.

BertieBotts · 27/10/2017 07:50

Pillow case size is a small "sack"? Confused

Anyway.

I think at 7 you do have a point. But you can definitely bulk things out with small, cheap gifts and/or slightly-more-expensive versions of things you'd buy anyway like school stationery, clothing, hair bits and bobs, toiletries, etc. There is lots of branded stuff around. And don't forget to count presents from family etc too.

Figgygal · 27/10/2017 07:53

Does she still believe in Santa? If so that might make it harder to understand for her if not then yes she should understand the value of laptop means less overall

RJnomore1 · 27/10/2017 07:55

I'm a bit torn on this one. A laptop is a big expensive present but it sounds more like a requirement for school than something she really wants and I'm a big sap who thinks Christmas is for things you want but usually wouldn't get (finances allowing).

The difference with chillimums dd for example is that the laptop is what she really really wants.

I'd get the laptop as a school essential and not for Christmas 😳

Figgygal · 27/10/2017 08:00

Does she still believe in Santa? If so that might make it harder to understand for her if not then yes she should understand the value of laptop means less overall

tootsieglitterballs · 27/10/2017 08:07

I was going to echo what a lot of people have said re knowing the value of a laptop etc, however since reading she is only 7, I can totally get why you think she may be disappointed.

MaverickSnoopy · 27/10/2017 08:28

We're in a similar situation with an ever so slightly younger child and I'm bulking out with smaller presents like colouring books, felt tips, general art ad craft staff, jewellery etc. Take yourself off to poundland and have a rummage - you'd be surprised. I was hesitant but have picked up quite a few fantastic things at very little cost.

Thinking back to that age I wanted a barbie camper van. My parents weren't well off and I definitely understood the value of money. I was hopeful but did not expect it. When I got it my enthusiasm triumphed over the absence of hundreds of other presents. I also recall getting a nice pencil set and some other bits and bobs. My parents scaled down the other presents for certain but I was still grateful for them. I do think though I would have been a bit disappointed if I didn't have a few things to open.

Going back to my DC. I've checked and her (bday) presents (minus the big expensive one) fit into a carrier bag. I feel bad. I also know that she'll get things from family and she's having a big party too. So more cost there and people will bring presents. So I'm trying to look at the overall situation. Christmas is a bit different though and whilst you don't want them to be spoilt you also want them to not be disappointed. I think that because it's a school related present I'd bulk it out a bit more.

Takamine · 27/10/2017 08:39

As the years have gone on our DC's piles have got smaller. They are not toddlers, so kitchen playsets, little tikes cars etc are all things of the past, replaced by books, tablets, games. They have never felt hard done by. Last year we had family stay for the first time over Christmas. Their Dc are a few years older. Christmas Eve we gathered the presents to set out ready for the morning and I was Shock at the amount they had. It filled our living room - made our DC's pile look minuscule (they have about 10 small presents each, as well as a stocking). I felt ill (dramatic!). Morning came and my DC didn't bat an eyelid - they sat and opened their presents and actually took longer than their cousins who tore through theirs in half the time. My point is, actually a smaller pile can mean they appreciate it more than a big pile just for the sake of it.

Bumpsadaisie · 27/10/2017 08:45

Hm I thought the Dd was about 13.

7 nearly 8 is little and I think your instincts are right, OP.

GlowWine · 27/10/2017 09:23

From a practical point of view: change away from the 'piles' approach. Apart from small stockings, all our present are together under the tree, labelled yes, but mixed up. And we mostly take turns to open them. Yes in the end I have a 'pile' of a couple of things and the kids have more, but we've spent a leisurely morning together which invites a little less comparison. The other thing I did when DD2 then about aged 7 was fiercely competitive in terms of numbers of presents (she remembered how many DD1 had had for her birthday months earlier): I wrapped a boxed book set of about 10 books individually Xmas Smile and it seemed to do the trick...

Lovemusic33 · 27/10/2017 11:11

My dd's main presents this year are £140 each, they won't be getting much else but they are 11 and 13 and no longer believe, they understand that they have asked for something expensive and there won't be much else to open. I will be buying them a few things that they need, clothes, toiletries, bedding etc.. and some food items (a giant jar of Nutella) but they won't have a huge pile of presents.

I think it's harder with a 7 year old as they are still young and expect the same as they got previous years, maybe find a few gifts that look big but don't cost a fortune?

KingLooieCatz · 27/10/2017 12:23

DS is like Takamine's DC thank goodness. We don't do piles, it's all mixed together and handed out to pace it. When we've done presents with DB and his lot I thought DS would clock that his cousins got way more than him and I tried to stage manage the handing out. DS present opening ground to a halt with one of those devices that makes sound effects when you press different buttons. He had just turned 7.

Oblomov17 · 27/10/2017 12:55

No. No guilt here. I hate these huge piles. I think its obscene. I don't like seeing big piles of presents for children on FB. I never saying anything. I just don't like it.

For ds2, he had 5 presents last week: an iphone5 (yes, not a 6, nearly new from facebook selling locally), 2 x x-box games (2nd hand, but new, from e-bay), a football training fleece from ds1, and a set of mini nutella pots from duty free.

he was thrilled. so he should be. he has wanted a phone for a long long time. He had loads of cards and loads of money and cheques from family members.

I think one big present and a few small ones is fine.

When did this start? the need to have atleast ..... 32 presents? Hmm vile!!

Notso · 27/10/2017 13:11

I think at 7 I would just get the laptop for family use and get her the usual stuff for Christmas.
I'm not one for huge piles or buying for the sake of bulking up. However 7 is still quite little and the way you word it sounds like the laptop is needed for homework rather than a truly wanted gift.

Original poster
HighwayDragon1 · 27/10/2017 15:20

She hasn't asked for a laptop, she wants a new tablet and some speakers (laptop is a 2 in 1)

She asks for 2 small ticket items from Santa so will get those alongside a stocking from him. Then the laptop and maybe 10 smaller gifts from us. She won't be too fussed, it's me!

OP posts:
ProfessorCat · 27/10/2017 15:26

DD is having a Switch and two games as her main present which has cost £400. I've recently moved from full time teaching to Pip so am categorically skint and she's used to mountains of presents too. All from us and one set of GPs at that's all the family we have.

I'm buying her a very large teddy she's been after and then bits like annuals, stationery, a selection box etc. to bulk it out. She'll also have a sack sized stocking.

We have explained that because she wants a switch, we can't afford much else and is perfectly happy with that. She knows she won't have much to unwrap - that's just the way it is.

When I was a child I was a brat and a bit of a Dudley Dursley. It was all about the quantity for me Blush

Thesmallthings · 27/10/2017 15:49

Highway I think that is more then enough.

I used ro do loads of presents.eso when they was younger but found they got over whellemed by it all and most got tossed aside through out the year bar ine or 2 things.

I did 5 presents each a couple of years ago and they didn't even notice or say anything they where just excited it was Christmas. But they actually got to sit and play with everything and wasn't just sat tearing paper and moving on to the next.
It makes fun to finding those presents that they will love.

RJnomore1 · 27/10/2017 17:15

Well if she wants a tablet and the laptop is actually one of two in one tablet laptops I would not feel at all guilty.

She's getting what she wants and what she needs in one go.

OneNightTimeMenaceStrikesBack · 27/10/2017 17:33

in the last couple of years, Ds has had a very small amount of presents from us BUT his main present last year was an expensive desktop gaming pc plus monitor so he completely understood he would get only a few small things on top of that. This year he has asked for a new graphics card and a new power supply for his pc soa gain,hey are expensive although not physically big so he will only get a few small bits on top. He understands that by getting exactly what he wants, it means fewer gifts but the amount of money spent on him is the same

XiCi · 28/10/2017 09:53

If she doesn't actually want a laptop and its just needed for school use I would just buy that as a necessity rather than her main Xmas present if you can afford it.

4forksake · 28/10/2017 14:26

I'd do as others have suggested & get extras by way of things she needs, undies, toiletries etc. Or have a look at shops like primark, tiger stores or online at the likes of flamingogifts, dotcomgiftshop , campus for cheap bits & pieces to bulk the pile out.