That's it really, how can I make Christmas as easy as possible physically (& financially not going crazy), as I'm seriously ill and it was bloody awful last year!
I get to carry the burden of 'doing Christmas' for my lovely son (7yrs), and my (less lovely I'm afraid!) mother who is very infirm these days.
I'm doing it for my sons sake but I can't do what I attempted last year as it:
A. Made me horribly grumpy
B. I ended up scrapeing by doing the hard work and missing out on the loveliness
C. I over did it so much I was only just feeling better by march, which is far too long to sacrifice health and basic functioning for!
D. I end up loathing my mother!
Sooo, looking for any and every short cut, low effort and low movement-wise, in order to survive it this year, and more than that, to maybe actually enjoy bits of it!
FYI:
I'm very low contact w my mother, the exception being Xmas. It would be a relief not to see her, but I also feel I can't do that as she has no one else and is genuinely a lot less capable now. She used to pretend to be like that to manipulate my father to tend to her and her alone. but horribly ironically she did it for it so long she's become incapable of functioning and it's just a question of time before she will have a fall and go into a home.
Rest of family is dead or scarpered (stbxh), so Xmas is a very sad time. My dad died on New Year's Day, my sister died a few days into Jan. So, tense time of year.
Trying to give my son a sense of a family as we don't have anyone except each other and her.
Since my dad died my mother has become very frail and incapable of doing much, think functioning as someone 85+ yrs, not her 70yrs old. She can't walk very far at all, but has no aids to get around beyond a stick.
So she expects to arrive and do nothing.
Last year I employed my own carers to care for her, and it was a full time job then. I'm too ill to cope tbh but I have a feeling time is short to build memories for DS so I want to try and do something, somehow.
She's said she wants to stay at a local hotel this year (to be helpful and because they have more comfortable beds). Great, except she can't walk to our flat, when asked about that it transpires she expects me to organize taxis for her each way, all the time she's staying here! To go 300m (or less?), on Xmas day especially will be a massive challenge! Suspect that's not going to happen really is it?!
Also I find it like a pressure cooker when trapped in confined spaces with my mother, especially when I'm running myself ragged and desperate. Was good last year as managed to get a carer with a car to drive us to a panto on Boxing Day, which really helped ease the tension & was nice for everyone. But if my mother is just ensconced on the sofa it's big pressure cooker time. Lovely carer has other commitments this Xmas so won't be able to repeat.
So I need to come up with a better plan before any plans become firm... hence the thread! Any ideas big or small welcome... (pleading look!)
I do have some help usually, due to me being ill all the time, but it tends to be less around Xmas period, so am already surviving on less than normal. But I could hopefully get help prepping things on 23rd & a bit of the 24th, then nowt on Xmas day & probably the same on Boxing Day. Then some help again with it stopping on NYday but back on the 2nd like normal again.
I've already come up with a few idea, but not sure if they good ideas?!
Usual Xmas stay (23-27th)
- Not doing Christmas dinner on Christmas Day, but either on Xmas eve or Boxing Day?
- But what to eat on Xmas day instead? Something that's about the same level of heating up a microwave meal!
- all assuming I can solve taxi issue?!
Having a 1st Xmas and 2nd Xmas?
- moving Xmas with my mother until a few days later? So me & DS have a little Xmas just ourselves, and then a rerun including my mother either just before or just after New Years?
- she comes by trains so would need to ensure trains are working properly and not run into railway works that mess up Xmas travel?
Xmas day at a hotel?
- would it be easier to do Xmas day by going to eat out at a posh (ish) hotel and assuming taxi would come for a longer trip? Then could I just sit there and eat then move into the hotel lounge and sit some more whilst other people look after her? But would DS be bored stiff?
Xmas stay over in a hotel?
- Sod the money and find a hotel to stay on for all of us Xmas eve, Xmas day and go home Boxing Day?
- I'd be able to go up and rest lying down which would be good, but DS might be too young to entertain himself whilst away from home...
- up side I'd have to stay relatively close to home so helpers could help us get there etc, and how hide presents to miraculously appear in the morning?
- was looking at staying over at Alton towers as they do a whole package including a panto style performance so DS would love it & less oppressive when it's not me being stared expectantly by both mother & DS whilst trapped in a isolation together! BUT way too far from home and wouldn't be able to have any care in place which I'd need to get through the trip... anything closer to London?