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Original poster

Is an hour to far to travel on Christmas Day?

25 replies

XmasMigraine · 01/10/2017 08:20

As the user name suggests, Christmas is already giving me a migraine. For the past few years I have spent 23 Dec until 3 Jan running round non stop like a headless chicken entertaining extended family and friends on both sides. I can't do it any more.

Despite efforts, I can't get out of hosting Christmas dinner this year. However, I have decided that I just can't face having people staying over in my house. It's too much hassle for me.

So here is the dilemma. Certain members of our family like to stay over so they can relax and have a few drinks and don't have to spend Christmas Day driving around. Lucky them!

They live 1 hour 15 mins drive away. Do you think it is unreasonable of me to say you are welcome to join us for Christmas lunch but I am not having guests staying this year?

OP posts:
Original poster
XmasMigraine · 01/10/2017 08:22

Just to add that I think they will get upset and say it's not worth coming then and I'll feel guilty and cave.

OP posts:
RaindropsAndSparkles · 01/10/2017 08:25

It depends on the dynamics and whether they'd otherwise be alone.

Rubberduckies · 01/10/2017 08:28

I personally don't think it's unreasonable, but your family obviously do!

Is it worth talking to them, saying you're finding it a bit much and asking for suggestions/solutions?

They might come up with the idea of them leaving, or might suggest they cook at your home if they stay, or offer to host!?

When my sister and parents come for dinner they help cook so I wouldn't mind them staying if they wanted.

Scentofwater · 01/10/2017 08:29

How have you ended up hosting despite not wanting to? It's still only just October, be quick and say you can't this year, firmly!

1.15h drive is fine in my opinion as long as they don't have tiny babies that shouldn't be sat in a car for that long. Maybe say you will make them each a little parcel to take on the drive, some mince pies and posh squash?

But I'm guessing they won't want to as they want to drink?

tootsieglitterballs · 01/10/2017 08:29

Not unreasonable at all! I hate having people stay in our home at the best of times at Christmas! At a push, I could allow Christmas Day night, but no more. But only if totally essential (i.e. Thick snow / travelling from a couple of hours away)

Gizlotsmum · 01/10/2017 08:30

Not unreasonable but you have to stay firm and not cave. Could they car share? So only one drive? It is ultimately their choice.

From their point of view it would be 2.5 hours driving ( both ways I assume) And if drink is part of it they might not feel it is worth it, but that is their choice.

I have done it

MoveOnTheCards · 01/10/2017 08:30

NU AT ALL!

If they say it's not worth it then I think they're just rude (suggesting they're only in it for the food/booze, rather than actually spending the time with you). TBH I'd consider that response as letting me off the hook. Grin

londonpia · 01/10/2017 08:30

Before kids we drove an hour and back to my aunts. It was fine, didn't want to stay because there were over 20 of us so it meant a night on the floor!

My DM had a big Christmas at ours, when I lived at home. Everyone came and everyone kicked up a fuss, which was fucking selfish but I love my family so we just sucked it up.

Now we have Christmas at ours, some would stay (but leave early the next day to see family). We would have us 4 plus an additional 4/5. If they've got to see other family the next day then at least it means they will be up and out early?

YouCantCallMeBetty · 01/10/2017 08:31

No I don't think it's too far to drive at all. But it sounds like there's another issue at play here which is your worry about feeling guilty and 'caving'. I wonder if that how you end up hosting and running round like a headless chicken all the time? I think what you've suggested you say is simple and assertive, just say it and keep saying it, use the broken record technique.

We have family who have done this in the past and suggested local premier inns or B&bs for people to stay in. Christmas Eve & Christmas night in a premier inn was not the most fun thing I've ever done but it was fine and meant we were able to be with family during Christmas Day.

wheresthel1ght · 01/10/2017 08:32

Scent - the baby thing is a red herring as they can be in a car seat for up to 2 hours at a time.

Yanbu, I would perhaps look up local hotels and taxi firms and forward them to those family members but otherwise just explain that it is not convenient to have overnight guests.

Gorgosparta · 01/10/2017 08:32

We used to travel this to see dhs parents on christmas. Then come home.

We don't do it anymore. We find it less bother to host. Spend christmas day in our pjs and anyone who comes can. Or we just have us 4.

goldenclaire · 01/10/2017 08:36

Overnight stay xmas night but go home the next day i'd say.

tootsieglitterballs · 01/10/2017 08:37

Also, if the only reason they want to stay is so they can drink, then I wouldn't want them staying anyway!

I spent years driving to and from my parents on the day, and had one small glass of something during the day and that's it! DSIS used to stay as she travelled from the other end of the country and got sh*t faced every year-mum & dad hated it (more of a 1 bottle of good plonk than 3 bottles of vinegar type folk)

We had friends stay NYE one year ... never again. We did have a few beverages, but we were up and at em by about 9.30am , ready to enjoy the day, but couldn't do any of our plans as they didn't even stir from bed until gone lunch time!

Oncewaswho · 01/10/2017 08:59

Well, I will happily drive all over the place pretty well any time, and hardly ever drink, especially not during the day. But Christmas Day is the one day of the year when I really want to kick back and relax, have a drink or two during the day and not drive anywhere. I wouldn't be upset if you were to say come over and not stay, but would consider staying at home instead and trying and see you at some other point in the festive season when I wouldn't mind driving.

Oncewaswho · 01/10/2017 09:00

I can totally see why you feel this way BTW.

Taylor22 · 01/10/2017 10:13

They either travel down and go home. Or they don't come at all. Simple.

Oly5 · 01/10/2017 10:20

I think you're being unreasonable. It's just one day and one night.
Why don't you ask them to pitch in more once they're here? Say you want to relax a bit more this year so can they help with washing up/food prep etc.

Oly5 · 01/10/2017 10:22

I also think they'll feel massively unwelcome if you say you don't want them to stay over.
I'm guessing that's what you want but it's not v nice is it?

LadyintheRadiator · 01/10/2017 10:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Crispsheets · 01/10/2017 10:30

Why do you have to be such a martyr? Say no. Why are you running round like a headless chicken for a week?

girlywhirly · 01/10/2017 11:22

I think that you have done the last few years and are due a break from hosting. The fact that the relatives are likely to get upset and decide it isn't worth coming if they can't drink and stay over suggests that the desire to drink is greater than the enjoyment of being with you at Christmas. Have they ever hosted, because if not it sounds very one-sided, especially if they don't provide lots of help and contribute food and drink. Do they bring their own bedding and take it home so that you don't have a mountain of washing?

Tell them you are exhausted every Christmas and now it's time for someone else to take a turn, see what response you get. Are there relatives who can have their dinner at someone else's, if you were ill what would they do?

I suggest you take this Christmas off, no guests staying, no big meal. Say you'll meet up over the Christmas period or even before, a pub meal that everyone has to transport themselves to and home from, no meal prep or washing up! Personally I think if they weren't up for that, tough.

Xmasfairy86 · 01/10/2017 11:25

Can you not say you’ve made plans with friends/OH family for the eve of Xmas day/early Boxing Day so they are welcome but can’t stay?

Don’t cave. It’s your Xmas too!!!

glow1984 · 01/10/2017 11:27

It’s only 1st October, Just say no, they have plenty of time to make alternative arrangements.

Trills · 01/10/2017 11:29

The distance is their problem.

If it's too far they can choose not to come.

tistheseason2bjolly · 01/10/2017 12:13

XmasMigraine

  1. Book a holiday abroad!!!
  2. Tell your guests the hotel is closed this year!
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