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Christmas

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Original poster

Frugal Xmas - MIL - help!

16 replies

velvetcandy · 05/09/2017 22:37

Xmas is always a big deal in our family, well I say "our" family, it is in my H family. Mil always buys my DC literally tones of plastic tat that ends up broken or all the bits missing the week after and dispersed all over my house, it's very much quantity over quality with her. Also H nans, aunts etc buy my boys heaps of shit often purchased in last January sales etc so clothes or toys aren't suitable or don't fit the DC. Not being ungrateful as I will often donate the unwanted items to charity and obviously I am grateful that the thought was there.

Last year we spent a small fortune on gifts for Her family and realistically can't do it again this year! Mil basically expects us to buy for everyone in their family I'm talking 14 people. The one year we didn't get mils sister (who I have only met once btw) anything, mil said she had to slide other people's gifts under the sofa so her sister wouldn't be upset and make it look like we didn't buy for anyone! And last year when we dropped off their gifts she made a.comment along the lines of "is that all or is that it for everyone?". She always asks for gifts around £200 mark and I think it takes the piss.

It's not that I don't like Xmas I do! I love the family and food elements to it but the spending part is what's bothering me. H and I have agreed that having a more frugal Xmas is going to happen but I don't know how to mention this to mil. She will be upset as she makes a big deal out of Xmas but really we just can't afford it anymore. We had our 4th DC a few months ago and finances are tight.

In my family it's just my mum and sister and we have all decided not to do gifts this year also. Also any ideas about keeping Xmas food shopping cost down would be appreciated. I can't believe it's September already so need to get all this sorted ASAP

OP posts:

Boatmistress17 · 05/09/2017 22:40

Suggest a secret santa for the adults. .

travailtotravel · 05/09/2017 22:41

Your H needs to address this ridiculousness with his mother. Only buying for kids or doing a secret Santa works well.

RibenaMonsoon · 05/09/2017 22:47

I second only buying for the kids and secret Santa. Everyone gets something and no one feels left out. Your DH needs to explain that finances are tight. MIL will just have to deal with it. Its not her money to spend.

Jenijena · 05/09/2017 22:55

You don't need to mention to mil, your husband does...

singadream · 05/09/2017 22:59

Make them all homemade stuff. Every single one. Bag of fudge or a painted ceramic decoration -Baker Ross do good multipacks. Don't explain, don't apologise. Who can complain about that huh?

Original poster

velvetcandy · 05/09/2017 23:04

Thanks. I actually never thought about just buying inexpensive items (duh!) I could just do framed photo of kids etc. Can buy pretty frames from b&m and printed photos don't cost much.
I wish H would tell mil were broke but he wouldn't say boo to her if she was a goose it's always left up to me to sort Xmas out etc.

OP posts:

singadream · 05/09/2017 23:10

Also don't ask what anyone wants. They will get what they are given.

Whitney168 · 05/09/2017 23:12

With the best will in the world, no one bar parents and grandparents really wants photos of anyone else's kids.

Decide with your husband what rules you want to put in place around who you buy for and how much you want to spend, then communicate that to the family and say that obviously you are not expecting the usual present haul coming in your direction.

Get in early before people start shopping. Pound to a penny most of them will be relieved. Any that are not ... well, that's their issue.

AdoraBell · 05/09/2017 23:13

Yes, your DH needs to deal with his DM. Don't get involved yourself, but back him up. And just don't spend more than you can afford/want to spend.

RedastheRose · 06/09/2017 00:37

Depending on how old your DC's are get them to help you bake mince pies or cookies and home makes Christmas cards. My kids used to love doing these and all the adults really appreciated the thought and effort that went into them. We used to make boxes from card or one year sewed little santa sacks out of felt. Didn't cost much at all but everyone loved them. Mind you kids don't care about this stuff so if you have lots of children to buy for then speak to the other parents and agree a sensible limit.

Annwithnoe · 06/09/2017 13:52

There's absolutely nothing wrong with letting people know that you are cutting back this Christmas.
you don't have to say why and if you do people will argue because that's what people do: we can't afford it becomes a critique of your money management/priorities/lifestyle ; It's too much excess you're criticising my values/ you're a Scrooge/sure it's only once a year/ but what about the children

Don't try and tell them what they should buy you or how much they should spend. once you've let them know that you will only spend £20 (or whatever) then it's entirely up to them how they reciprocate. If they spend £200 say thank you, and think nothing more of it.
The only thing you owe is a thank you. A gift is not an invoice.

Original poster

velvetcandy · 06/09/2017 17:12

Thanks Ann, that's made me feel a bit better about it. Xmas gifting does seem like an invoice or requirement to me. I've decided it's cold turkey pardon the pun but we're just going to say we're not doing gifts. Your right it's nobodys business why.

OP posts:

KingLooieCatz · 09/09/2017 11:42

I'm not broke and nor are any of the people we exchange gifts with but I wouldn't dream of spending £200 on one person and none of them would dream of asking for anything even close to that value. If they really wanted something in that price range they'd ask for vouchers towards it. It has to stop.

bimbobaggins · 10/09/2017 13:09

Ha ha was just going to say what Whitney said, by all means give them a photo of your kids but please don't make this their gift.
Just say to people you are cutting back and don't enter into a discussion about it . Also wouldn't dream of spending £200 on a gift for anyone

Identity1 · 10/09/2017 21:44

So Mil buys DC tons of inexpensive gifts tat..... to make it look like she has spent a fortune, and then wants a £200 gift for herself .... no way I'm afraid. Minimal budget for adults and kids if you have to, and just stick to it. Secret Santa also good idea.

KC225 · 10/09/2017 23:11

I agree about the photos of kids. Unless they are direct descendants, other people's kids are a bit 'meh'. However. catching a flattering and unexpected photograph of them or their kids is good one. And pets, a photograph of a beloved pet is a good. Or an old forgotten family photograph, possibly reprinted maybe in sepia or the like is good.

Agree with the above poster about your MIL. Request for a £200 gift from a family with 3 (now 4) young children is unbelievably selfish. Get in early and stand your ground. Good luck OP

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