Autistic son doesn't play with anything

[Hatade16]

Bought ds alsorts this year, Lego, playmobil, minecraft stuff. He hasn't touched a thing. He has Autism and adores his ipad/wii u.

I don't know what to do for his birthdays or Xmas anymore? He literally doesn't play with anything, and if I force him to it lasts 5 mins.

😩😩

Dd 8 has ASD but also has very OCD type tendencies, specifically hoarding. She just wants to collect certain toys and their packaging. She's very messy, frustratingly so. I've been trying to get her things related to her interest rather than toys that she will hide and forget. For example, Harry Potter colouring books, Shopkins clay modelling set rather than just Shopkins toys. It's challenging, but if she just 'collects' she's likely to forget she has them. The hoarding is very concerning for us. Thinks like her favourite characters in pyjamas rather than a toy etc etc.

We have had this in previous years, ds getting toys that he had no interest in, especially from family members. This year we gave ds an argos catalogue and asked him to circle what toys he would like Santa to bring. Which he did, all 4 of them! I thought it would kinda ruin the santa myth but he hasnt twigged and he seems most happy with his rubiks cube and simon air. But still he plays with his tablet above all else.

reality my DD wants to play, she wants to be like other children. She gets pretend play, but not minifig play.

Anti can you link your research please?

If a child cannot engage in imaginary play on their own, how will they learn to engage in play with others?

Ds2 is 11. ( and still believes). He wanted paper and some new pens so he can write his lists!!!!
Also he got a LA Lakers basketball shirt.
He's wanted caution tape and cones ( he got these for his birthday!!!)

You need to limit the screen time. It could hinder his development if he's on it 24/7

Hang on imaginative play is only one kind of play, there are many other kinds. I don't believe that everyone has to engage in every type of play in order to develop into an adult with friends & abilities.

You could equally argue that NT children are not developing correctly since they miss out on some of the play which children with Asd prefer.
Playing repetitively with water or flicking sensory lights on and off IS play, it performs the same functions of relaxation and enjoyment etc.

Playing alongside another child is still play, performing a repetitive movement as part of a bigger game with other children - still play.

I read a book or study recently ( can't remember sorry) but it described a group of adults with Asd who liked to spend time hanging out together and sharing their special interests- lights, trains,whatever. They were playing and having fun- same as anyone else.
Think it was the Neurotribes book.

Ds now an adult has/ had lots of toys,very few were played with but owning them brought him pleasure. Any toys that were played with generally related to his obsessions at the time so magnetic letters and numbers and polydrons so he could make complex geometrical shapes. I was delighted when playstation was released because it was a means for him to play with his brothers.He still likes his video games and enjoys drawing as well nowadays. I would let your ds do what makes him happy, playing isn't fun if you have to work at it IMO.

reality my DD wants to play, she wants to be like other children. She gets pretend play, but not minifig play well that's fine then. Not relevant to my list I as was clearly talking about children being forced out of their comfort zone to conform to someone earless idea of what they 'should' be doing.

For the comment upthread about learning through play, it IS possible to learn in other ways. That's the main thing about our autistic children. They think and do things differently. There is absolutely no reason to try and 'teach' a child to play if they don't want to. In their own time (this is key) they can and will learn by other methods.

Reality what a close minded and ignorant approach. Teaching children to play is not equivalent to "making them conform". A young child with autism may not show interest in toys unless he is shown what they do and how to play with them! Development of play skills is absolutely crucial to these children so they can entertain themselves with something other than a bloody electronic device when they are adults. I have worked with many adults who lose their shit when an electronic breaks because they have never been taught any other form of entertainment. Strip away the label of "autism" and focus instead on what skills the individual needs to function as independently as possible now and later in life.

Reality what a close minded and ignorant approach.. Nope. It's just different to your opinion.

Development of play skills is absolutely crucial to these children so they can entertain themselves with something other than a bloody electronic device when they are adults. Nope, there are other ways to learn. Again, opinion.

Strip away the label of "autism" and focus instead on what skills the individual needs to function as independently as possible now and later in life. correct. And forcing unnatural play isn't the way to do it. More opinion.

No need to resort to name calling because I think differently. What makes you so damn sure your approach is right? The problem is that we are all individuals, so what suits one wasn't suit another. Like I will debate all day long, but I wouldn't stoop as low as you and call anyone ignorant or closed minded - the irony when you are not willing to accept anything other than your own idea is giving me a bit of a giggle though.

Reality. I didn't say you were close minded or ignorant. I did not name call. I said your approach was close minded and ignorant, which it is. It is people with attitudes like yours that make me sick. "Johnny opted out of learning today because he has autism", "johnny is still in nappies because he has autism, but at least he's happy".

Seriously?

Since you believe that play is not crucial and it is my "opinion" please see an actual research article. There are several. Hundreds in fact. Children with autism can and should be taught to play. No, this should not involve force. Yes, they should be interested and want to participate. Yes, they can become interested with the right approach. No, this does not change them as individuals, it gives them more skills to live an enriched life.

http://reseauconceptuel.umontreal.ca/rid=1NHQWX0NL-1VCW113-3SW5/MITSOUJessicaavignette6article.pdf

johnny is still in nappies because he has autism, but at least he's happy". Lol.

Linking to a random Article? Well that makes you right then!
I'm not going to waste my time any further because it seems intelligent debate is beyond you. Maybe you didn't play enough as a kid

And my attitude makes you sick?

Really?

Acceptance makes you sick? Because that's all my 'attitude' is. Accepting people for who they are.

clementineorange I'm with Reality on this one. My eldest is Autistic and my youngest (of three) going through diagnosis.

Autism is never an excuse in our house but it is sometimes a reason. Because my son is Autistic if lots of little factors have added to his stress factors for a day there are occassion's when there's just no point trying to keep teaching because he's at melting point. He gets to melting point as part of his Autism. He's not opting out as a naughty child. It's recognising that for that session, productive learning isn't going to happen. It's accepting that as part of his Autism sometimes he needs to step away and destress. It is part of mindfulness.

Fortunately, he's phenomenally academically bright and can absorb information at a far faster rate that just about anyone I've ever met so catching up is never an issue.

My son is very popular, elected class rep, gets nominated and wins lots of prizes for outstanding achievements etc - he doesn't however, seek company and likes to be on his own. He knows how to play many games and will politely go through the motions but doesn't appear to get any pleasure, it just mildly adds to his stress. Being on his own doesn't mean having a tablet or PC strapped to him either. He needs to know how to interact, something that he is capable of but we can't teach him pleasure in that interaction - just tolerance of it and the logic behind/ necessity of human interactions.

I agree with the sentiment that Autism shouldn't be seen as an excuse and very strongly that we shouldn't allow it to restrict our aspirations and expectations for our DC but the hard truth is the path to achieving those aspirations is a tougher one with Autism. Sometimes it's about picking which battles to fight.

Regarding little Johny is still in nappies but it's okay he's happy. It may well be that his bowels are immature and that actually it's not that unusual for ASD school age children to still be in nappies. My own son has a whole myriad of parallel diagnosis alongside his Autism, including physical issues - I don't real off his diagnosis if something needs to be said I use the catch all diagnosis of Autism.

It may be that he is just coping with finding his feet in a new class setting having been through the stressful diagnosis process. It may be that he's on meds for ADHD and sleep and the battle to settle med levels are being fought first before creating a new stress. It may be that someone tried to force him to toilet train before he was physically capable because they didn't want him to be different and its caused a significant psychological issue that will take a long time to unwind.

Tolerance of the whole range of abilities within the ASD spectrum is important. There isn't a magic cure. It's wonderful that people find things that work for them and their child/ mindees but one solution will not fit all.

You sound like you want what is best but please remember many of us are wading through the minefield trying to achieve that too.

clementine, would you mind adding what's your experience with ASD?

I'm just in the process of being evaluated, but looking back at my childhood, it was absolute torture to be forced to "act normal" all the time - sure, it may have helped me put on an act, pretend to fit in, and eventually grow up and get jobs - but it also left me with severe self-loathing, anxiety and depression, issues which only began to feel resolved when as an adult I moved to my own place and was able to be "myself" in my time off. Things I haven't really fixed now.

I wish my parents had clocked how horrible it all was for me in the outside world, and helped me not beat myself up inside constantly for not fitting in no matter what. I think I may have grown up happier and more self-confident.

From me, a huge bravo to the parents of kids with autism who accept them the way they are and work with them as individuals to help them develop

Over the years I've made the mistake of getting DS1 (now age 10) lots of toys and Lego etc - mainly to even up the piles compared to his younger brother and sister, I've now learnt it's a complete waste of money. He still has stuff from last xmas that he hasn't even opened.

What makes him happy is books (and the internet and Xbox!) I used to restrict his electronics time until I realised that 90% of his time was spent reading Wikipedia or looking at map websites and if I took electronics away he would just be doing that reading his books.

Like previous posters he used to like 'collecting' toys. When very little he loved Thomas the tank but he wouldn't do much more than line up the trains (where's his little brother plays imaginatively with them and acts out stories etc) in fact he was more pleased with the leaflet that comes with the toys showing the range of track and trains you could get (until it fell apart from constant use and we had to try and find the exact same one!)

We have had a couple of hits over the years - the maze ball kept him entertained for hours but it's very hit and miss.

DS doesn't like new things - new pjs will remain unworn in his drawer for months until they are 'less' new and he will start to wear them! (Apart from the fleecy hooded onsie I bought him recently which I knew he would love!)

My son has really loved things like an electric blanket for his bed, a CD player, MP3, wireless headphones, for music and audio books. He has a big coffee mug (Starbucks style) for his hot chocolate. Blankets. A lava lamp. Glow in the dark solar system that hangs from his ceiling.
He's got his ASD assessment next week, but thinking on, he seems to prefer sensory stuff to toys. It hadn't even occurred to me!

Oh, and the den building kit was a real hit.

I'm sitting looking at two piles of gifts that I bought dd and ds (both have autism) they remain untouched from Christmas day. Their stockings have gone upstairs so they were obviously happy with them but it appears I got a lot wrong again although sometimes they just need time to get used to the idea of having new stuff so they could end up being treasured after all.
I tend to indulge their obsessions so ds got lots of dragon themed stuff, books on football and formula one and dd got vocaloid merchandise and lots of art stuff, toys have never been a big hit tbh and whilst they were "taught" to play through an early intervention programme, playing in the traditional sense isn't something they found satisfying or rewarding.

The trouble with reality's approach is it is all too easily co-opted by a lazy public education system which wants a reason not to do the difficult job of helping our children achieve their potential. I strongly disagree with it. Children with asd can be taught to play - and do many other things - in a way which does not involve "forcing" them to do anything. Play skills, like language skills, are valuable for building relationships, developing motor skills, and providing opportunities to learn. They absolutely should be expanded within the limits of the abilities the individual child has. I well remember how ds life at an early age was completely transformed by learning how to do more with a toy or book than flick it with his fingers. His discontented whining was replaced by laughter and lively engagement. So glad I listened to myself and not the HCPs espousing reality's approach. Best thing I ever did.

The thing is play is supposed to be synominous with leisure, 'down time', if you will. If it is a lesson, directed by an adult someone else, this is not play either.

Everybody needs 'down time', doing things which relax them. My DC, although not diagnosed with autism, had were considered SENs and developmental delays. What struck me was the expectation from 'professional's' that we would spend just about every waking moment actually overtly teaching (in an adult directed way) skills. I did teacher training, though, I recognise the importance of a more child centred approach.

So I decided to smile and nod (as much as humanly possible anyway) and 'taught' when the opportunity arose more naturally, from my child. I built upon my child's own interests and went from there. And guess what? My child progressed so much, so quickly, in so many areas, the professionals could not keep up in the revision of their assessment of him. They were continually amazed and flabbergasted.