Feeling sad at Christmas

[FiveMoreMinutesPlease]

My elderly mum is in hospital at the moment having been very ill, she still is in fact. I am so scared about her future that I'm finding it really hard to enjoy the festivities. I am torn because I know my mum would want me to enjoy Christmas especially so my children are not affected but all I really want to do is cry. I'm not sure why I'm posting this. It's a rubbish time of year to have bad things happen as people expect you to be happy.
Is anyone else missing someone this Christmas?

I'm not a Christmas celebrant but I didn't want to read and run. I hope everything works out for your mum and know that she's in the right place. My dad has been gone two years now and I miss him every day, it was his birthday not long ago and I felt strange all day.
If you feel like crying then do it, it's healthy to get rid of all the negative energy out of your body. Focus on sending positive thoughts to your mum and children, whatever is meant to happen will. You can't change that but can change how you react to things, take each day as it comes and don't forget to look after yourself.

Thinking of you and sending you a virtual hug It sounds very hard

Thank you x. My DH keeps telling me to look after myself. He is very good for me and helps and lot.

Hello, fiveminutes. Yes. I can totally relate. My older sister, who was emotionally kind-of a mum to me, as my real mum doesn't do emotion or affection, died suddenly of a brain tumour on 19 December when I was 14 (this was a long time ago). I was simply devastated. It took me years and years to come to terms with it, and that bloody song 'so here it is, Merry Christmas, everybody's having fun' has always made me want to scream 'no they're not!'

I finally enjoy Christmas quite a bit nowadays as my daughters (11 and 8) get excited (though the older one obvs knows about Father Christmas!) but it has taken years and years and years to get to this point, and I still get overwhelmed with emotion sometimes. I totally get what you say about people expecting you to be happy. It's so hard.

My advice to you would be to cry if you need to. I didn't cry for years, bottled it up, soldiered on, and then fell apart a few years ago. I got through it eventually, but repressing feelings isn't ideal! Yes, your mum wants you to enjoy Christmas, but your feelings are important tol, and it"s normal to feel sad when someone you love deeply is seriously ill. Let it out if you can, but also try to enjoy the moments you have with her. It sounds like you have a very close relationship, which is lovely.

Sending you lots of un-mumsnetty love and hugs xx

I hope you mum is home and well ASAP, Five. Must be so hard.

Unmumsnetty hugs all round for everyone.

I'm missing my DS2. He was stillborn 10 years ago and had a Christmas Day due date. Can hardly think about how there should be a third little brown haired boy bouncing on my bed come morning.

Thanks for the hugs. I did have a cry in the end and it helped. I hope you all managed to get through the day okay xxx