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Christmas

From present ideas to party food, find all your Christmas inspiration here.

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Original poster

4 year old desperate to sleep at home

45 replies

MaximumVolume · 24/12/2016 07:34

So this is a bit of a "what would you do?".

My DPs live a couple of miles away in a house plenty big enough for us all to stay...my DH, the kids & I usually don't as it's so near. The plan for tonight was to stay over so that kids do the mince pie, port & carrot for Rudolph ritual in the evening & then open presents in the morning with GPs. We'll be there for dinner this evening regardless, so an added bonus that DH & I can have a glass of wine at dinner.

Problem is, DS1 (4) is desperate not to stay over. He likes his GPs & their house but likes our house more as all his stuff is here & he's comfy. He will almost certainly sleep better here at our house.

He's getting quite upset about the idea of not sleeping at home. I've told him his presents will be delivered by FC to Granny's (they're already there!!) & he's not budging, which suggests to me that he feels quite strongly about it.

I really don't know how far to push it. Should I insist & risk a tired grumpy boy for Christmas Day? DS2 is just 2 & won't mind. Probably would slightly prefer being at GPs as a one-off as he'll get more attention!

OP posts:

Chelazla · 24/12/2016 08:45

I would stay, he's not expressing a preference op said he was quite adament. It is not fair to change a whole families plans when the 4yo will be fine! Kids have to be told what to do sometimes that's just how it is. I think the people saying this shows Christmas isn't about the kids and especially the one saying op is doing it to during wine are hugely unfair!

festiveleadballoon · 24/12/2016 08:48

I can remember as a child being told one year we were going to spend Christmas Eve night at my stepdads and I just felt awful. We woke up to all our presents and everything but It wasn't the same at all. I remember feeling uncomfortable and I don't know why but if I think about it now I still wouldn't want to wake up at someone else's house Christmas Day. Just doesn't feel right. If your little one likes his home comforts then I think that's really important that you listen to him. It's not you that's feeling anxious about it, it's your son. So it's not you that will remember, it will be him that remembers this Christmas not feeling 'right' ....

Chipsahoy · 24/12/2016 09:20

I let my 5 yr old "dictate" all the time, cos his feelings and preferences are every bit as important as mine.
I'd stay home personally.

OhTheRoses · 24/12/2016 09:29

I think small children should be at home. You are only five minutes away in the car. Or you could walk back and look for stars or the lights on santa's sleigh. Grandma and grandpa shd be coming to you for presents in the morning - cd they bring some because Santa thought you'd be at their house.

IME dc sleep so lightly and so little Xmas night their own beds are bed for everyone's sanity the next day.

harderandharder2breathe · 24/12/2016 10:44

Personally I wouldn't have planned to stay over, but you have and it's all arranged so I wouldn't change it on the whim of a 4 year old (or anyone). He may well not want to go home once he's there this evening anyway. But I'd reconsider for next year

MTWTFSS · 24/12/2016 10:47

Fill him with chocolate and stay :)

Original poster

MaximumVolume · 24/12/2016 11:29

So interesting. It's the two viewpoints on this thread that I'm flipping between.

This year it doesn't matter much. Next year will be at ILs & going home won't be so easy. Also 2yo will be 3 and able to express a preference; what if they don't agree? So I'm worried that in setting a precedent we could get into future difficulty.

I think once he's asleep tonight he'll be fine, he may be upset wanting to go home. Still not sure what to do for the best.

Part of me feels I need to encourage him to do stuff that he's not totally happy with because 9/10 he loves it. He's really bad at trying new stuff! Part of me feels Christmas isn't the time to be holding this principle as my guide!

My slight preference for staying is not about the wine, really. It's about the hours I'll get with my family (including my GPs - well into their 90s!) after the kids are in bed.

It's also about the suspicion that in giving in we're doing DS1 a disservice as much as anyone. But the other point of view is also compelling!

OP posts:

Original poster

MaximumVolume · 24/12/2016 11:31

Meant to say "I think once he's asleep tonight he'll be fine, he may be upset wanting to go home at bedtime, though"

OP posts:

Believeitornot · 24/12/2016 11:34

Is there another reason he might not want to stay? Is he scared of anything?

Original poster

MaximumVolume · 24/12/2016 11:38

He misses home. We stayed once before when DH redecorated his bedroom & he missed home. He's a strange boy...celebrates the end of holidays because he's so pleased to be going home!

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ineedaholidaynow · 24/12/2016 11:50

If you are going to ILs next year, does that mean you will never have Xmas morning at your own home, or will there be some years when you do Xmas at home? If the former, might be nice if this year you stay at home.

I much prefer sleeping in my bed, always have and I am in my 40s
I also looked forward to coming home from holidays as a child. Now not so much, as it involves going back to work and tackling the holiday laundry

Original poster

MaximumVolume · 24/12/2016 14:09

At the moment, we don't have a spare room & our dining room seats 6, so we don't host Christmas ever. We hope to move at some point...

Currently DS1 is excited about staying here (DPs). He has prepared a tray of hay in his bedroom for Rudolph which gave us at least 30 minutes of entertainment as we then had to sweep all of the bits up!

OP posts:

Original poster

MaximumVolume · 24/12/2016 14:13

He's got his own duvet & pillow here which has made him happier.

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TheLongRoadToXmas · 24/12/2016 14:22

My dd1 struggles with the change in routine etc at Christmas. It sounds quite similar. She's older now, and we can talk about how when things are different it makes her feel uncomfortable, and I understand that, and we talk about how I can help her feel more comfortable - things like stroking her back, having a night light, bringing her CD player and favourite CDs so she has something to listen to if she can't sleep in a strange place. Would that approach work, do you think? At 4yo mostly we cuddled and reassured her, and made sure that if she called / cried we were there very quickly every single time.

SatsukiKusakabe · 24/12/2016 14:57

I wouldn't make him stay over if it distressed him! It's Christmas and only a few minutes away. Of course there are lots of times they have to get on with things they are unhappy about but I don't think this is worth it. What if he's overtired and grumpy on Christmas Day? I'd go for dinner, kids in bed at home and have a glass of wine then, go over again in the morning. Perhaps stockings at home, presents at grandparents. It's not putting anybody out by not staying.

I would take the stuff just in case and tell him he can go home if he wants, that may take the anxiety out of the whole thing and make him happy to stay anyway, but I actually think this should be a choice he gets to make.

Bringing FC into everything is just over the top in my view. He's only asking to sleep in his own bed, not doing anything wrong.

SatsukiKusakabe · 24/12/2016 15:00

Just seen your update, sorry, glad it's working out.

My ds hates change and gets very anxious before doing things, I find giving him a "way out" usually helps him accept it. If he knows he doesn't have to he is more likely to, so I do indulge that where possible.

Have a lovely Christmas

PandasRock · 24/12/2016 15:09

I wouldn't make him.

I have 3 dc who dislike change, prefer home, etc.

It's ok for them to prefer home, it's where they feel safe and secure, and Christmas can be a time of huge disturbance - lots of new stuff, different food, different routines. Wanting stability within all that isn't wrong.

Last year, we had a fabulous trip to Lapland, over Christmas. It was amazing, the dc all loved it - proper snow, huskies, seeing Father Christmas on Christmas Eve, etc. They had an absolute ball.

All 3 of them have, separately, asked that we spend Christmas at home this year. Because they prefer it. And so we are. Because life is too short to be feeling uncomfortable on what is supposed to be a happy day.

I hope it works out, OP, but please consider popping him back to his own bed if he gets too bothered.

Original poster

MaximumVolume · 24/12/2016 21:44

After all that he fell asleep at 6.30, so I think we'll be fine!

OP posts:

gluteustothemaximus · 24/12/2016 21:54

4 year old isn't dictating. He just wants his own bed and he's telling you how he feels. You can ignore his feelings and go ahead with your plans or listen to him. Just talking to him about changing your plans and listening to him may well offer up a compromise. You'd be surprised how 4 year olds can be open to compromises when they feel listened to. Good luck x

gluteustothemaximus · 24/12/2016 21:55

Ah bless. Just read your update. Happy christmas!

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