Charging at Christmas.............

[KeepCalm]

We are a family of 5. We have one very good friend who has joined us for years at christmas. He now has a partner who was with us last year but not the year before as he had other prior arrangements. I imagine he'll be joining us again as a plus one with our friend although they haven't confirmed.

We also have another family of 4 who joined us for Christmas day/dinner last year. They are hoping to come again this year as they really enjoyed last year which is lovely as we all get on very well, including the children

This makes us a total of 11 on Christmas Day.

The family of 4 have said they can only come if they can contribute to the cost of the meal etc. This is very kind and much appreciated as whilst we are happy to host to jump from 6 to 11 is quite a financial leap.

My query is what to do with the friend and his partner? They area a double income/ no kids household with a trip abroad immediately before Christmas and another trip abroad immediately after Christmas so not particularly strapped for cash. If previous year are anything to go by they'll bring a bottle of fizz arrive in time to sit for the meal.

I had wanted to do bacon butties and selection boxes from the year following my Dad dying but DH and our friend insisted on the full Christmas Day meal so I now make DH cook most of it (in my defence I cook every single other day as part of my day job)

I think I'll feel a tad awkward taking money from our friends (family of 4) and not mentioning anything to the couple who are easily the best off financially out of all of us. I also believe they'd feel awkward if they discovered the family were contributing and they weren't.

Should I say something or is there an easier way of doing this that I haven't thought of? Maybe asking everyone to bring something specific to contribute to the meal etc?

A little help will be gratefully received please MNers. These are very lovely friends and as DH is actually off work this year we can enjoy Christmas and would hate there to be an atmosphere or cause anyone to be uncomfortable.

If they are wary of cooking for you, could you ask them for the ingredients for you to cook or that don't need cooking e.g. Whatever meat you're having, stuff for a nice breakfast, a selection of cheese and crackers, alcohol, a pre made dessert

If the family insist on money, put it to something specific and make sure you say "thank you x family for the turkey/champagne/cheeseboard"

I don't think for a minute either party would be concerned about what the other brings, I'd just say bring wine/cheeseboards etc.

There are at least two super cooks amongst them - I really wish someone would step up LOL I'm aware it's sheer laziness on DH's part...................

Then suggest Puddings and Starters?

Only1scoop so you don't think it would sound too control freaky of me to ask them specifically what to bring.................... I'll certainly need to be more organised than usual this year!

I'd be having the day off, sounds like a bus mans holiday for you Op.
Can't you just host and Nigella around with a few candles?

Specifying exactly what to bring over Christmas could only be interpreted as control freakery by someone determined to take offence. These are your friends - it'll be fine.
Personally I always delegate the most fiddly things that I can't be arsed to make my myself.

I have a similar set-up at Christmas. Last year I had 12 for dinner. I love doing it, wouldn't dream of charging anyone but I did ask people to bring something as they wanted to contribute e.g. cheese / crackers/ dips/ pudding. Everyone brought wine anyway. I was left with lots of extra food too.

I'd probably say to 'want to pay family'....'lovely of you to offer but instead of money, it would be a massive help if you could muster up some deserts perhaps"to friends I'd just say 'other guests have been asking about Christmas Day and are insisting on bringing pudding if you fancy pitching in with some Cheese and Wine then I reckon that's us sorted, can't wait to catch up'

Light and breezy is exactly what I need...... I'm terrible for over thinking things. Thank you.

You seem to have got it in for me when my suggestions have been the same as other people's...Have a great Christmas whatever you decide is the best way forward. Leaving the thread now and going to bed.

We have a tradition where i am from (NZ) of a "pot luck" dinner and Christmas is as good a time as any for one of these.
It simply means that you specify to each guest what part of the meal they are expected to come with. (starter, wine, cheese and crackers, vegetables, ham, turkey, dessert etc) but it is up to them what they bring specifically.
So it is a "pot" of something and "luck" dictates what that will be. For a huge meal like christmas it is perfectly acceptable to ask them to bring 2 or 3 different things.
I have always found it odd here that when I say "what shall I bring?" people say "oh, just yourself". Somehow that seems less fun.

Perhaps introduce the idea to your friends and say that you are trying something different this year and you would love them to get into the spirit of the idea.

I'm having eleven for lunch again this year - I have limited kitchen space and usually work Christmas eve so I delegate out different bits of the meal, I say I don't mind hosting but I will need one guest to bring a cooked ham and another guest to bring a dessert and so on.

Could you text your friend to chase up his RSVP and say something along the lines of "sorry to chase but x wanted to contribute to the costs as she could see how much it is to feed 11 but instead I asked her to bring the desserts so she wants to know how many to cater for" ... you get your answer regarding if they are attending, they know someone else is properly contributing and it's not too obvious?

SIL charging us for Christmas dinner after inviting us so she didn't have to travel was the nail in the coffin of any positive opinion I had of her.
Completely fine and lovely to be asked to provide specific food or booze though- something nice about bringing people and different food together to make a nice big meal. Totally different to asking for cash

I think if you invite you cover the cost. That said our friends would automatically offer to bring something so I can then suggest a pudding or cheese etc.

I think specific requests is absolutely fine for a huge meal like Christmas! Crackers (the bang sort), cheese and wine from the couple, and a pudding selection from the family wold make a big dent in your costs.

As they know each other could you say that you'll be sorting the main meal plus anything else you don't want others doing, and ask the family to contact the couple and decide what they are each going bring 'so there are no clashes'.

It may be that the family would rather give you the money if you're better at cooking. If that's the way they want to go perhaps a gift voucher for the supermarket you usually shop at would be more comfortable?

I can totally see how you and they feel! I think I would say something like 'really excited to have everyone for Xmas this year, feel free to just donate some bubbles to the cause and I will do the rest insert relevant emoji '. Something lighthearted along those lines. And could you do it as a group message so the friend realises how many will be there so you don't actually have to say?

You're massively overthinking it.

"There's 11 of us this year. Please could you bring starter/pudding and two bottles of wine? We'll provide main course and fizz. Thank you"

If you're a chef or whatever that's fine. If they want to cook they can. If they don't, they can bring something from m&s. Simples.