Christmas Day plan vent.

[lightcola]

I need to rant and my DH isn't here so I'm using you guys.

Every year my (adult) siblings and I have always spent Christmas with my Dad otherwise he would be alone. For the last 10 years I have hosted. This year I am due my second child in the week leading up so we have decided we will stay at home just the three of us (DH, DS and me) as we will either be with a newborn, or waiting for baby to arrive. Plus I live 100 miles from my siblings and dad.

Both my siblings have taken this to mean they don't have to see dad on the day either so will just leave him alone. I have suggested they see him in the am and for lunch at least but they have both made excuses.

I'm a bit pissed off about this and feel it is unfair. Dad is an alcoholic which is hard to be around but he has always looked after us and been as good a dad as he can be given the circumstances.

I now feel like once again it is up to me to try and accommodate dad in some way but we don't have room here and it makes me feel q bit stressed out given the circumstances.

I genuinely feel my siblings are being selfish but I can't say anything as I have said I can't be around this time.

Rant done.

I think a lot of the people saying 'oh it's a poor lonely old man at Christmas - how can they be so heartless?' probably have little direct experience of alcoholics. As someone with a family full of alcoholics, I have to agree with Springer. Dealing with an alcoholic parent is hideous and it's about as far away from 'oh, you just need a little goodwill and to put yourself out a bit'.

Children of alcoholics so often live with loads of fear, obligation and guilt. Maybe it would be fair to assume that the OP's siblings do and actually they'd really like to have a Christmas that doesn't involve treading on eggshells or attempting damage limitation due to their alcoholic father (who probably isn't in any way expected to take responsibility for himself and not ruin everybody else's Christmas). The OP herself says her father's alcoholism is 'hard to be around', and this is probably a classic British euphemism for 'a living nightmare'.

Maybe you should ask yourself OP why you feel the need to ensure that everyone accommodates your alcoholic father. You clearly feel guilty for putting yourself and your family first for once. (And you should not!) Please don't trying to guilt your siblings into organising their Christmas around your father.