User, it does not have to be a bloated consumer fest to be magical - there is plenty of magic in nature in mid-winter, as well as free events and family gatherings to enjoy. The origins of Christmas are (depending on your beliefs) either a Christian celebration of the birth of the Saviour, or a pagan festival of life to tempt the summer back at the depths of winter. It is very possible to have lovely, and indeed magical, celebrations without massive consumerism. I wouldn't call you "scrooge-like", but this is the Christmas board and generally peopled by those who actually like the season rather than cynics. Maybe you and IFailed can establish your own "non-consumer, non-magic celebration" together and enjoy your misery together?
(Sorry, I know, that was bold, slapping my hands 
)
Reboot maybe Christmas needs a "reboot" in your house?! Sit down with DS and ask him what he likes and what he doesn't like about the season (and life in general). Is there anything he'd actually really like to do (may not be seasonal but - I don't know - a Monster Truck rally, or ice skating trip, or something)? Would he like to do something different this year? Are there things that you do that he does like and wants to see happen again this year? He may not want to spend time in the house together, but would he enjoy a decent long winter's walk somewhere? (So he might want to not put out cookies for Santa anymore, but might appreciate a stocking with some age-appropriate small things in it and 1 small thing that becomes your family tradition of "Mum loves Christmas and insists on giving me chocolate coins" eye-rolling-ness).
Just on stockings, I put a long list on another thread last week (one of the Christmas Eve boxes ones - I am rubbish at linking sorry, but there were 2 similar threads on the Christmas board) of ideas for older people's stockings - teens and adults. There might be a few ideas in there to help if you want to keep on with a stocking but refreshing it to DS's maturing.
Can he roll his eyes but let you get on with playing Christmas music some days/times, but maybe find some less traditional music to play other times that you can accept? Or maybe you can search out some Christmas songs by bands he likes - there is a whole wide world of Christmas music beyond the cheesy party tunes that are all over the radio. Look on internet radio websites or Spotify for Country, rock, or other Christmas music and enjoy exploring it together.
Would he do a large jigsaw with you, that you can pass by over the holidays and spend a half hour on here and there, sometimes together, sometimes just 1 of you?
Or a few board games or card games? Maybe find something new that is not "childish" - while he may still love "Operation" once he gets into it, starting with an entirely new game that you need to work out together and that is aimed at older people (there are lots needing logic or skill if you look beyond the usual offerings in toy stores - there's a shop in Dublin which sells online called "Cogs - The Brain Shop" that has really interesting games).
Do you both want the traditional turkey or goose roast dinner? Or prefer something else? Even if the traditional roast, is there anything that 1 of you loves that the other is not a fan of, and that the other could suggest their own alternative for it? Would he get involved in cooking at all - ask him to do something new and he makes it? Cooking is a lifeskill anyway that is great to learn. And if you both agree on not a roast, what else would you both like to enjoy?
And yes, lay out your expectations that he will get involved with a good grace for parts of the season. Make it clear he can have some times when he can hibernate in his room, but also that there are some times you will expect him to interact with you like a human. And try to get his take on it, and include some things that he will enjoy as well that are acceptable to you. And work around him on other things - so still enjoy some music, and decorating. But bear in mind that he is growing up and maturing, so some elements of the "magic" will be childish to him and may need to be abandoned or tweaked - not all, but show him that you do see he is growing up and you are not making it a totally "magical children's celebration" but keeping things that are important to you while acknowledging that he is growing up and changing too.