Teaching children about giving and receiving?

[Earlybird]

Do your children get Christmas gifts for you? What age did they start? Do they make or buy for you, and if buy, who takes them shopping/where do they get the money?

Also curious about the gratitude aspect of Christmas - are your dc naturally appreciative, or have you had to teach them? DD (almost 6) didn't say thanks until I explained to her before bed tonight that she should....I then got a muttered 'on demand' response - not the heartfelt spontaneous expression a parent might wish for.

Maybe I'm just shattered from the run-up to Christmas and am oversensitive, but I feel a bit deflated that dd didn't even make me a card, and only managed a begruding 'thank you mummy' when prompted.

If your children are different, what/how have you taught them about giving and receiving?

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My kids have been very sweet this Christmas in terms of genuine sounding thank yous. I seem to recall them being totally ungrateful little bananaheads a couple of years back though so maybe it's an age thing?

And I'm pretty sure that there would have been no gifts from them for each other, me or their dad if people hadn't overtly suggested it to them, tbh. E.g. they made cards at after school club and we took them out separately to choose stuff for each other and us etc. I don't think most kids do much in the way of spontaneous thinking of others, even close others who they love dearly. For my two anyway, Xmas is still primarily a me me me time even though there are finally some signs of politeness and consideration peeping through the naked greed. So I do think you need to be quite open in informing them that you expect a present/card/Xmas dance/etc and can't wait to see what they're going to make/get/do for you. Tbh, I would imagine this would be more difficult if you don't have another adult around to say to them "oi you, what are you getting mum/dad/the cat this year?" because you have to ask for something for yourself which feels odd. But I think kids get a kick out of giving as well as receiving and you should definitely go for it. Maybe dd could take you round the sales in the next few days, earlybird?

ds2 (almost 5) is usually very into making sure people have nice birthdays, so he organises the birthday tea, insists there is a banner, nags about presents etc, except mine was yesterday and I didn't get any of that, he managed one happy birthday mummy (prompted) and only mentioned it again when he wanted birthday cake He went to holiday club last week and I sent him in with instructions to get them to help him make a birthday card Which he did!

DS1 is severely autistic so has no clue and ds3 will only be 2 next week so no idea either.

I think 6 is still too young to expect it (for a considerable number of years to be honest), although certainly not too young to be reminded!

My DCs were lovely yesterday. DH let them choose a pressie each for me and wrap it up themselves , and DS1 wrote my xmas card,which had a badge, which i wore proudly all day . In return i helped them choose gifts for DH, and DD was so excited she told him about 3 times beforehand what she had got him.
They handed out the pressie to all our guests yesterday too.
And we still have pressies under the tree, they are waiting patiently for DH to get up so they can open them.
...

...such polite children, santa must've swapped them with mine on xmas eve

mine are 6 and 4 are we're getting there. they both love art/craft so in general we do a lot of card making and because it involves effort on their part they are really excited to show off their efforts. dd1 made me something at her after school art club this year - she was really excited about it. both dh and I try to take them shopping and let them choose something for us - but it is a bit of an effort - so tempting to do it all yourself. also the school fair does a parent christmas present room - where they can choose something and wrap it. they didn't spend their own money this year - I might introduce that next year for dd1. I also find that getting them to wrap presents is a good way for them to enjoy giving - it's all part of getting ready for christmas so naturally they find it exciting. they also helped me choose some presents over the internet - easier than going into town. It's difficult when you're not in the same position to kick their father up the bum about getting you something - but you're obviously on good terms so a few hints next year perhaps?

ds (5) did give everyone presents (with a bit of help from us), although we paid for them as his piggy wouldn't really stretch that far, even though he did say he wanted to take all the money out of piggy to buy presents.

He announced out of the blue yesterday that he wanted to go round the street to give all of his friends one of his chocolate coins. Which rapidly expanded to all the kids in the street going round every house where they could find someone in and saying happy Christmas and handing round sweets. Very cute.

And then when he was dishing out the presents to everyone he was most insistent that if anyone said thank you to him (for delivering the presents) that they shouldn't say thank you to him but to the person who had bought the present. At times like that I can forgive him the times he's infuriating and actually feel very proud of the way he's turned out so far.

My eight your old has been incredibly busy this year, making and buying presents for us all. We give both of the DCs a little money to buy something for us - and then they use their own money for anyone else.

They even bought presents for each other this year - and paid for them out of their own money. DD was so happy when DS was so happy with his present from her - it was rather sweet to watch!

The down side is that she has pestered anyone who happens to be around to take her Christmas shopping - I's sure she spent longer shopping than I did!

I'd say you have to wait a couple more years yet, at least. Perhaps start with gentle prompting of the need to reciprocate and then once she gets the buzz of seeing people love what she has bought - she will get hooked

DD (4y8m) got me and DH gifts. We do the shopping with her. Always have done. She also made gifts (bookmarks this year) for her grandparents, aunt and uncle.

DD was very appreciate of her gifts. She kept stopping to say "wow! I am so lucky" and giving Dha nd myself higs and kisses, and thank yous. And she was keen to phone her grandparents to say thank you as well.

She also took it in turns with DHa nd me to open presents, enjoying watching us to see what we had got for Christmas.

I agree that next year I need to arrange for someone to take dd shopping with the express purpose of getting something for mummy. This has happened for the last 2 years in advance of my birthday, but I didn't arrange it for Christmas. Also know that as a single mum (dd's father not a factor), that I cannot rely on a dp/dh to prompt her into thoughtfulness and that it is possibly too much to expect from such a young child. Definitely helps to know when all of your children began to exhibit thoughtfulness toward others, so that I know I'm not raising a spoiled, ungrateful wretch! .

I recognise that a couple of things tipped me over yesterday - a few weeks ago, I gave dd a list of names of friends/family for whom she needed to write Christmas cards, which she completed (with some prompting/mild nagging). That same list of people received a little reindeer ornament made by me and dd with their name on in gold glitter paint (made from a kit before anyone thinks I'm crafty!). It really was heartwarming to see how excited she was to give her "gifts" and cards to the people on the list. However, I forgot to put "mummy" on the list, and it never occured to dd to make/write anything for me. So, I think that was one thing that grated - though lord knows I am the fortunate and grateful recipient of many lovely cards spontaneously created and generously given during the test of the year.

The other thing that nagged was that last night dd chirpily announced that she wanted me to take her shopping this week to buy something for her nan (who we are due to see this weekend). I thought it sweet/endearing that she would think of it, though fascinated to see the blind love of a child toward a person who really is not much of a granny (chronic alcoholic). So, dd is able to think of others, but not in a consistent way just yet.

Thanks so much for your responses. Hearing about what all of your dc have/are doing with these same issues gives perspective, and it always helps to hear the experiences of others. If I'm honest, I probably was feeling a bit sorry for myself yesterday and it was compounded by dd's "thoughtlessness" - but I recognise that is my issue, not dd's. I'm feeling better about it this morning - amazing what a good night's sleep can do.

my DD aged 11 is just starting the whole wanting to buy a pressie for everyone business.

My other DD aged 7 has been thanking me every 10 mins since lunch time yesterday. aww bless.

My DS (9) was very concerned yesterday that the child we bought "secret Santa" style pressies for (oganised through the local church and Social Services) had liked his pressies. It brought a tear to my eyes.

I think this year as I involved my kids in this (by explaining the process and asking what a boy agedxx would like) they were more appreciative of their own gifts.

My kids (5 and just 7)are very good at buying pressies for people,not always got the idea that people like different things to them though.For example Dd2 wanted to take me to KFC for my b'day (I'm veggie!).They usually go shopping with my MAm for me and xh mam buys for him.
This year dd1 saw a calender for xh in a shop and bought it with her pocket money.She also bought some chocs for xh gf and his dad and we had planted bulbs for the Nanna/Grandmas so gave the extar ones to his Mam and NAnna.Whole family done for under £5 but they know she bought them with her money!
They both made cards at school which I got and dd1 made an extra one for xh.

My chhildren have bought presents for us and for each other sicjnce they were about 3 years old. When they were little we hwleprd them get the presents, then as they got older they started buying stuff themselves usually from the school and other local Christmas fetes. Some of the presents were a bit strange!
Now at 14,17 and 19 They are very good at buying presents. They alao like to make sure that we buy toys for the give a toy appeal.