Tell your DH what you want, don't wait for him to ask. Even if you just say "I saw this thing that I really liked in whatever shop today, just in case you're stuck for an idea" to him.
Tell the work grinches that they can organise their own thing next time and do it themselves in whatever way they like.
Buy yourself your own treat, and wrap it or get it gift wrapped.
And plan some festive things that aren't quite as difficult for your DD to sit though.
A christmas walk to look at other people's lights, or in local woodland or a nice park with a flask of hot chocolate. Tell her it's a mince pie picnic or something.
You could even make edible baubles for the birds to hang on a tree when you get there. That could be a way to spend a festive afternoon at home, so two fun things in one.
Make a game of your walk by spotting christmas trees in windows as you walk (first person to spot gets a point) or play the alphabet game with christmas things as you walk (so instead of "I went to the shop" say "I want to the North Pole and saw an antler, a bauble, a christmas cake, a decoration, some eggnog..."
Or take her to a special shop or garden centre to buy an ornament, and have a Christmas treat in the cafe while you are there. Sing christmas songs in the car.
I'm sure you do lots of things like this anyway, but they can be just as festive and fun as an organised treat that costs a lot of money, like the pantomime.
We have a couple of local pantomimes too, that don't cost anything or only cost a couple of pounds. Our library is doing one, and it might not be a big fancy production but it should be just as much fun as the big one at the theatre.
An outdoor attraction she can run about at might work better than an indoor thing she has to sit down for while she's still young.
And you're not on your own, I love Christmas and all the decorating and shopping and card sending and fun stuff. People moaning about it just spoil it for themselves. If you get creative it's a lot of fun.