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Original poster

HELP! My dad's version of "I can't afford much this year..."

57 replies

lucysmam · 29/11/2015 22:09

Differs quite a bit from mine Confused

I'm skint so he says "just get me a Thomas Nash shirt from Debenhams and a small piece of Cornishware for your sister".

The shirt is more than 10% of my total Christmas shopping budget & I daren't even look up Cornishware to see what sort of prices it goes for!

I have no idea what to get now. The girls' nana and other grandad are thankfully much more understanding & are generally happy with just a 'something to unwrap with the kids' sort of gift.

OP posts:
thunderbird69 · 30/11/2015 12:41

I don't mean this to sound harsh but there's very little you can by an adult for a tenner that's worth having nowadays unfortunately-

3 books for £10 from Amazon

MackerelOfFact · 30/11/2015 12:51

You could get your sister a pair of Cornishware egg cups for £10 (if you collect them from Argos)?

I think £10 for an adult gift is pretty low budget. Even a box of chocolates from Tesco is about £6. Any less than that and I think most adults would just buy it themselves if they actually wanted it.

I personally would feel awful if I knew family members had gone to great lengths and I'd just bought them a box of Ferrero Rocher. Not to say you need to spend a lot on presents, or even match the cost, but I think it's unfair not to be upfront about your lack of funds until they've spent a fortune on you.

wobblywindows · 30/11/2015 13:00

... very little you can buy an adult for a tenner that's worth having..

3 glorious glycerine soaps from the Body Shop (3 for 2) comes in at £4.

It's your phrasing, OP- I might have said " I can get you a little something....", but in practice probably some fudge, small treat.

DrasticAction · 30/11/2015 13:01

Lucys Mam,

Just be honest, say you cant afford anything this year. You have DC they are your priority.

My DF would never ask me what wants and I would not ask him.
This year we are telling all - its token gifts only, we have had a very lean year ad we are the only ones with two small dc to also provide for as well and lets face it, they are the priority.

DH and I buy for each other if we have spare cash but usually I just tell him, I am not getting anything for him and he knows I also do not expect anything.

I have in the past got him some lovley things but if we are tight, its un spoken, the dc come first.

On this basis ( that we dont buy for each other) anyone else is lucky if they get even a token gift from us.

Lucy man, we are not on the bread line. But things have been tight and I feel more than happy to tell all.,its a tight year, please dont expect anything. you need to be honest with your dad.

If my DD told me it was so lean, she couldn't afford a gift, I would be (if i could) getting some cash and extra gifts lined up to help.

DrasticAction · 30/11/2015 13:04

I personally would feel awful if I knew family members had gone to great lengths and I'd just bought them a box of Ferrero Rocher

Hmm is that what xmas is about!
I cant imagine in amillion years reigning in spending on my own DC when older because they cant match the spending.
How awful!

As just said I would give more.

This isnt how many people view xmas mackrel I just feel looking at it like that sucks out all of the joy.

MackerelOfFact · 30/11/2015 14:37

DrasticAction That is how I, personally would feel, as I think I said. It's not how I think other people should feel, nor what I think Christmas is about. I said 'great lengths' not 'great expense'. My family aren't mercenary about Christmas, as I'm sure most families aren't. That wouldn't stop me feeling slightly embarrassed and guilty if there was a huge disparity between what I'd given and what I'd received - and I don't just mean in terms of monetary value, but in terms of appropriateness, enjoyment, effort, sentiment and all the other things that make gifts special.

DrasticAction · 30/11/2015 14:50

But Mackrel if you had been going thru a really hard time, like - really really hard time, personally and money wise, wouldnt you expect the usual expectations to ease up a little?

I wouldl like to think if somoene was going thru hard time in family - we would rally round..

BarbaraofSeville · 30/11/2015 15:22

I don't mean this to sound harsh but there's very little you can by an adult for a tenner that's worth having nowadays unfortunately

It's easy if you stick to consumables and go with quality not quantity - I would prefer one of the Hotel Chocolat little tray of 6 chocs to a big box of Thorntons or Quality Street for example. I would be delighted with any of the following:

Bottle of prosecco and a small box of posh chocs
Bottle of Baileys
Nice bunch of flowers or a plant
Posh hand cream
3 of the little packs from Hotel Chocolat
Small batch gin from Aldi
Voucher for Costa Coffee
Posh Biscuits/chocolates
Aldi fudge in a smart cube box is amazing and only £1.49 ish

I probably wouldn't buy people books unless they provide a list, because outside your own household (or even within it) how do you know what they have read?

But if the requested shirt is not within the OPs budget, she should either get him something that is, or nothing at all. The DF can buy his own shirts.

MackerelOfFact · 30/11/2015 15:35

DrasticAction But there are no expectations other than the ones I impose on myself! As I've said, that's just how I'd feel.

Going back to OP, I'm sure her family will understand if that's her situation. It sounds like she just wasn't clear enough about how much she could afford.

serin · 30/11/2015 15:45

Lucysmam,

I am sorry that you are having a hard time this year. Be honest with your Dad, he surely knows your position now.

If I win the lottery anytime soon, you are on my people 'to treat' list.

Flowers
TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 30/11/2015 16:17

You could tell him that the girls are making presents for their grandparents this year and you would prefer that the adults didn't exchange gifts? [to be honest though, that's a conversation that should have been had in September]

Frame some childish daubs with cheap photo frames?

Fueledwithfairydustandgin · 30/11/2015 19:02

£10 would get you a mug/plant pot/plate in a paint your own pot place. Get child to decorate. Everyone wins. You and your little one get a nice festive day out and DF gets a present money can't buy

ouryve · 30/11/2015 19:03

Just tell him straight that you cannot afford that.

He's got a bit of a cheek.

ouryve · 30/11/2015 19:07

does it HAVE to be cornishware - it's such a simple design - I'm sure I've seen similar in Asda cookery aisle.

There's lots of stripy pottery around, but cornishware is done in 2 layers, with the top layer etched off to make the stripes, which is what makes it pricey.

Original poster
lucysmam · 30/11/2015 19:19

Those of you saying I'm out of order not saying anything before now - I didn't check my crystal ball to know that things were going to change this much that the only cash coming in is CTC and CHB at the moment.

I thought I'd ask for some ideas. Will keep my gob shut in future.

I do hope those of you criticising check your own future telling devices regularly...

OP posts:
ouryve · 30/11/2015 19:27

To use a well worn phrase, some people's criticism says a lot more about them than about you, lucysmam. While I wouldn't wish for anyone to be in a situation where they could find themselves in an extreme financial squeeze in a matter of days or weeks, I don't think it would hurt some people to use a bit of imagination or even, you know, show a bit of empathy.

insan1tyscartching · 30/11/2015 19:53

I'd just say "sorry, you know how we're fixed so only giving token gifts this year" Then I'd wrap up a box of After Eights or similar.
I hate it when put on the spot for gift ideas but would only ever suggest something in the broadest terms such as a notebook, ball of wool etc that way people have the option of spending a pound in the pound shop if that's what they want to spend.
I think it's pretty insensitive of your Dad to ask for something specific as surely he has some idea of your circumstances.

Seeyounearertime · 30/11/2015 19:55

I don't mean this to sound harsh but there's very little you can by an adult for a tenner that's worth having nowadays unfortunately

Big bowl of bull honky.

I got my Mum a gorgeous, retro bracelet from her birth decade from Etsy for £6 including postage.
I got my niece hand made earrings and necklace set in a presentation box from Etsy for £8
I got my nephew a fantastic piece of original art from Etsy for £7
I bought myself a necklace that's older than me from Etsy for £5
I got my mum an antique figurine of her favourite dog breed from Etsy £7.50

I like etsy.

Bearbehind · 30/11/2015 20:12

lucysmam I'm sorry if you thought I was critising you.

You posted because your father has asked for a specific gift that you can't afford. From your later posts, even a token gift sounds like it's still more than you can afford so I really don't understand why you don't just tell your family you are not able to buy them any presents.

It's still more than 3 weeks until Christmas and loads of people haven't even thought about it yet so telling them now wouldn't be too late.

You asked what they wanted, they told you and it's still too expensive so I don't see the point in saying that you can't buy them that thing but will buy them something cheaper when even the cost of something cheaper could be put to better use by you right now.

Jollyjogger · 30/11/2015 20:23

Just get him a debenhams voucher for £5

choli · 30/11/2015 20:32

I think adults expecting gifts for Christmas is pretty silly. Does anyone really want more junk?

QueenofallIsee · 30/11/2015 22:44

I am bemused by how many people talk about people not wanting 'junk' - I can't think of a many things that I have been given for Xmas by people that care about me that I would classify as junk. Perhaps I am fortunate or spoilt but I appreciate very much being given things that I would not buy for myself (I was given some cashmere socks last year for example - such a treat and I would never buy them for myself)

Do people really get given any old crap more often than not? I do not insist on gifts as some folks seem to and would never ever protest if I was not given a present by someone (except DP, I expect him to give me a gift) but silly, junk, crap gifts so often mentioned...really?

Jollyjogger · 30/11/2015 22:55

Some people find it hard to be in tune with other people's taste. Hence the junk.

Its sad how commercial Xmas has become. Seems so greedy, materialistic and far from environmental.

SpellBookandCandle · 30/11/2015 22:59

Lucysmam, sorry you have been put in the position. I don't know what your relationship is like with your dad but I'm wondering if you can have a quiet word with him. Is it possible to let him know your finances are very tight this year? I guess maybe he needs things spelt out for him a bit?

You are such a lovely poster. I hope things settle out for you in the coming year Flowers

WhirlwindHugs · 30/11/2015 23:10

You're not being unreasonable!
We've done loads of adult gifts for less than a fiver this year, and have done most years. I don't ask people what they want though, makes it much easier!
For your sister there's quite a few scarves around the £3 mark on amazon including delivery. The penguin scarf on the bargain thread is lovely.
My dad's getting a woolly hat I knitted (again about £3 for the wool)