Help Please ~ Should I Do The "Right" Thing And Go To MILs On Christmas Day?

[Quootiepie]

Basically, DH and I were planning our first Christmas in our new house etc., with DS (had been to my mums the two years previous) but now FIL has died, DH wants to go to his mums on Christmas day for abit. Fair enough, but I really don't want to go. Everyone over there smokes, and ill be sat in a corner with DS choking on fumes for lord knows how long. And I really didn't want to go out an Christmas day anyway ~ I was planning spending most of the day relaxing, in PJs just playing with DS and opening presents, not rushing around and travelling 40 mins to MILs. I can't stand her either. On the other hand, maybe im being selfish? Maybe I should be thinking about her first... and DH.

I really can't decide...

oh right.

Was just curious.

Sorry this has turned into a hijack quootiepie
Its the common bond that 'us hated 'by the mils have

no no, it's fine - hijack away!

What age is ds & do you BF?

8 months, & yep

cor, this is what I get when I give an inch...

Just meantioned it to DH ~ he isn't happy! Back to the "I don't think we have a future together crap". Gawd, im blackmailed into everything.

Maybe he isn't trying to blackmail you. Maybe this is a serious concern for him. Wouldn't you be bothered if he hated your family and refused to go see them?

They hate me. (god that sounds childish) I got treated worse than a dog, and the night FIL died, I went there and bent over backwards, and have never recieved so much as an apology. I think this is just the final straw really, Christmas is a hard time for me... and now im in a moral dilemma as to whether I should bend over backwards putting myself out for someone like that. No, blackmails abit strong, but he's sulking. WHen ive given so damn much My family would never treat anyone the way they treated me, so I can't imagine the shoe being on the other foot. My family would never be allowed to treat someone like that in the first place, unlike him & his damn family

{{{Hugs}}}} Quootiepie. I could have written this thread! I got banned from MILs for a couple of years too after we fell out massively while DH (DP then) and I were staying there in between houses. It's awful isn't it? Personally I would have said you shouldn't have to go on Christmas Day if she's going to be with other family. But we women have to try to keep the peace don't we?

I'm sorry I don't mean to sound ugly about it. My SIL is tearing my DH's family apart by refusing to do things with us and we have always treated her well. I guess its a bit too easy to see the other side.

Back to the "I don't think we have a future together crap".

To which you reply, you may well be right but I will discuss it in the spring. That way we will have none of the same pressures.

Do the right thing, go to his mothers, breeze in,smile sweetly, exude confindence. Leave after 70 minutes, not quite an hour hard to clock really.

Quootiepie,
I read your posts a while ago.
I don't think you should go over to your MIL's...but maybe don't be so obvious about it - or is it too late now?
Can you go to your parents for the morning, him to his mum's for the morning and then you meet back at yours for the afternoon?
You shouldn't have to bend over backwards for anyone after the treatment you have received. But there's no need to express this...it'll only cause an argument.
xxx

My mum used to bung the turkey in a low oven on Christmas day and go over to my Dad's mum for a few hours while it was cooking. I had more than one dried up misery of a turkey due to everyone having a great time and us not getting home til late, but for you, it gives you a great excuse to pop in for an hour and go home again.

You were banned from her house for two years
She is going to her sisters anyway so she won't be alone
DH is using emotional blackmail

STAY IN YOUR OWN HOUSE and enjoy a lazy christmas morning with your DS. Tell DH to do what ever makes him happy but that you won't respond to emotional blackmail.