Tweens, Peer pressure and Good Old Santa.

[r3dh3d]

sigh

So, DD2 will be 10 a few days before Christmas, and we always struggle to come up with enough gift ideas to cover Birthday and Christmas from us and all the various elderly relations who can't get to the shops or don't have the faintest what to buy her. And Santa, of course.

DD2 doesn't help much because she's not really that into "stuff" - she's more likely to invent complex games with dog-eared packs of cards and tokens drawn on cardboard hauled out of the recycling, or sit rereading "Asterix in Egypt" for the 1,000th time. So at this time of year when you ask her to write a list she is no help whatsoever, coming up with things like "chocolate" and "a time machine". To be fair, these two would probably be at the top of my list also, but it's not much help with the shopping. She is fairly susceptible to peer pressure though, so by the time Christmas rolls around her list eventually includes one or two more mainstream things that her friends from school are getting, and most years we buy them and she doesn't play with them and it's frustrating but not enough money to get upset about.

This year she wants one thing and only one thing. She has been talking about it since Easter. It is absolutely and entirely about the peer pressure. It is an American Girl Doll. (I had to Google it, they are ££££ - or, rather $$$$, you can't get them in the UK. Apparently a few of her classmates' parents travel to the US a lot.) It is also absolutely and entirely the wrong thing for DD2, who has never shown much interest in dolls; she asked for a Barbie one year which just sat, and still sits, ignored on the shelf.

I tried to talk her out of it over the Summer, saying how expensive they were and she wouldn't get value out of it and we could get her several other presents for the same money, when she pulled out her trump card. I wasn't to worry about the cost, because she would ask Santa for it. She had been talking to the other girls at school and they all agreed that because Santa makes toys, not buys them, then it doesn't cost him anything and you can save your parents a lot of money by putting all the really expensive things in your letter to Santa. She was delighted by her own brilliance. I said I wasn't sure even Santa would be able to manage it (hitherto the main presents have come from us and the stocking is mostly silly stuff and socks) but she was adamant he could because he was bringing another girl in the class (who already has several of these dolls apparently) a bed and bedding for it costing ... wait for it ... $200. Oh yes. This doll is the thin end of a very painful wedge. Thank heavens for good old Santa, eh?

Now there is a whole other question which is how on earth do a group of children this old still manage to believe in Santa? In a more innocent age I rumbled the whole thing aged about 7, so how this lot are clinging on to their delusions I have no clue. But I don't want to be the one that wrecks it for them.

So here we are. DD2 is confidently expecting Santa to deliver an unobtainable expensive waste of money on Christmas morning. DH refuses to countenance it because it is an unobtainable expensive waste of money. If I explain why she can't have it, she will tell all her classmates that there is no Santa and I will be The Grinch That Stole Christmas.

Gah. What would you do?

Thanks - all v helpful.

I am fairly sure she still believes in Santa. I am more convinced because she is very suspicious of the Tooth Fairy and has given me the third degree about it on more than one occasion. A bit of emailing around mums in her friend group shows they are about 50/50 split, and the ones that are in the know have mostly been sworn to secrecy to protect younger sibs. She tends to hang out with the nerds not the queen bees, which helps.

I think the key thing is to squash this idea that Santa Is Free. She is a very logical child, so I am going to tell her that if Santa worked like that, why didn't the children in poor countries ask him for a well, 10 goats and a seed bank? Or gold bars for that matter? Why do charities exist, or if they exist why do they bother collecting money, when they should just be asking all the children to write to Santa on their behalf? Santa must have limited resources like everyone else and if other girls in her class are getting expensive presents from Santa, their parents are helping him out somehow. So if she puts this on her Santa list, she just won't get it. I've let the other mums know that's what I will be saying, so hopefully if it makes it back to school it won't tarnish anyone's tinsel.

Someone told me there is a My London Girl shop in Westfield (another £££ equivalent). I am hoping that it is disgustingly twee and full of five year olds dressed in pink nylon tutus. I was planning to take her there over half term to check it out, and with any luck at all she will come to her senses. Then we can swing by Hamleys on the way home and come up with some proper ideas. And if that doesn't knock it out of her head, maybe she does actually want it - in which case she's old enough to weigh up the pros and cons of the different priced versions and decide for herself whether she wants to have other presents as well.

Fwiw, if she was still set on one of the expensive ones, I would probably steer her towards one of these which I think is much nicer looking... www.petalinadolls.co.uk/dolls/bonnie-and-pearl-the-emma-doll.htm

I was also coming on to suggest our generation from Smyths. DH works there and he says they're hugely popular.

What does NT mean?

I read someone recently advising to say that Santa has to treat all children equally and it isn't fair to expect him to give one child an expensive present and another one something cheaper. Therefore, the Santa rule is for gifts that are silly/cheap stocking fillers and not a main present.

scarlets NT means Neurotypical, ie no special or additional needs.

r3d I think that sounds a really sensible solution, fingers crossed it all comes out in the wash

Thank you Scone. Great username by the way! Ha!

Yes just say if she asks Santa for a doll, he will give her a lovely one that the elves handcrafted but it probably won't be the specific AG one (as he doesn't do Brand Name demands), if she is still keen after that, then buy the Our Generation doll from Smyths they are very similar and have lovely outfits and accessories.

My daughter is 12 and first year she has officially said she doesn't believe but was nervous to say so I case she didn't get anything, had a feeling she was half believing last year, let them believe till they say otherwise.

Have a look on aliexpress/wish/eBay see if there is something along the same lines, or is it possible to get from you and the rest of your family if everyone chipped in xx