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Christmas

From present ideas to party food, find all your Christmas inspiration here.

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Original poster

How to ask ILs to be less extravagant this year?!

22 replies

Peanutbutternutter419 · 01/10/2015 12:06

I am posting this in here as don't want to get flamed by talking about Christmas already although we are now in October so it is allowed

I know I really should not be seeming to moan as I am very fortunate to have ILs that adore our DS and want to spoil him but it has gotten so out of hand that I really want to try and nip it in the bud this year if its even possible

I love DILs but they just go so OTT at Christmas and buy SO much that it is beyond ridiculous. Just an example of previous years, they bought DS a remote control car, the one that he sits in (bloody massive and asked not to buy as we had already agreed to buy him a little tikes car) So que xmas day and we have 2 huge cars in our lounge. Also bought him a ballapalooza then got upset when we didn't set it up on Xmas day (again bloody massive and takes up a third of lounge) But they didnt stop there...also bought him a sit on train and track which is so bloody massive it takes up the whole lounge. He was also given around 10 smaller gifts.

Last year DH and I made numerous remarks, trying to be lighthearted so they didnt take offence but that they could understand that they went overboard but they did not take any notice.

We ended up with a play kitchen, a huge garage and cars set and a table and chairs set.
All great toys but all have to be kept inside in our tiny 2 bedroom house.

We had to put most of the things that we had got him away as there is just no room for anything. We are constantly moving the furniture around trying to create space that just isnt there and I am already worrying about this years splurge.

The problem is that they wait until mid to late December and just go crazy in 2-3 shopping trips so never really understand the amount they have bought. I have tried giving them pointers about a few things to add to set he already has like new train track/ duplo but its lands on deaf ears and they whizz around B&M and buy so much tat to make up the smaller presents as they have spent so much on the large ones.

FIL has already started hinting that DS is ready for the next size car (one of those huge jeep type things in Toys R Us) and we have been firmly putting our foot down and even said that if they buy it, it stays at their house which FIL then remarks but then he's hardly get any play out of it.

They are quite insecure and in the past have had a bit of a falling out over silly things so I don't want to get arsy with them over this.

OP posts:

canyou · 01/10/2015 12:10

Would they be willing to ise a savings account and put money in there and just give a token gift? My DMum does this as she as 14dgc and so adds a little every week. That way at 21 they will all get a lump sum for a car etc

Every1KnowsJeffHesUsuallyACunt · 01/10/2015 12:14

I think you just have to tell them firmly that while you really enjoy the great relationship they've got with ds, they don't need to buy him so much stuff. If they want to buy things, how about things that he needs like clothes and shoes? Or could they donate towards his 'Christmas fund' then you can buy whatever you like with your pooled monies? Or put half of what they intend to spend into a bank account or trust fund?

Failing that, tell them that the huge gifts will need to live at their house because you don't have the room.

Original poster

Peanutbutternutter419 · 01/10/2015 12:15

Nope, we have suggested this as this is what my dad does every year.
As DS bday is 2 weeks before xmas we have asked that they possibly only buy a small amount and put money away but I think for them it is all about the material things.

They are also very much about quantity not quality which I find really hard to get as we didn't have masses of toys when we were small but what we did have was good quality so lasted well (so well that my DS now plays with it all at DMs)

OP posts:

LibidinousSwine · 01/10/2015 12:47

Grit your teeth and get on with it would be my advice

My DP's are the same as DS is an only GC. DH and I eventually concluded that it's easier to just smile and nod, thank profusely and then flog stuff on eBay as and when we run out of room.

As some consolation to you, DS is 11 now and all parties have come to a truce where he asks for something extravagant that we wouldn't buy DP's buy it for him. This means he gets what he wants, DP's get to spoil him and we don't have to spend our money on frivolous tat :)

Vernonon · 01/10/2015 12:49

My mum is a bit like this and I just say 'how lovely - you can keep it at nanny's' I refuse to have any large toys in my small house.

Original poster

Peanutbutternutter419 · 01/10/2015 14:28

We have asked them a few times about putting some money into his bank account as we would like it to potentially buy his first car/ pay for uni fees/ first house whichever he decides but they just do not see this as a present.

We tried this last year vernonon, we left several presents at theirs when leaving in the morning but they turned up with them in the evening and dumped them all at ours

I guess I will have to and bear it, I just hate clutter and can't stand waste. Half of the smaller gifts they got last year have been unplayed with but its sods law that the day i put them up for sale or get rid they will ask for it. MIL had to buy a storage type shed thing for her garden to fill with all the stuff they bought for at their house. She was just saying the other day that she has no idea what is in there now as she bought so much. So much waste when some children get so little or nothing at all.

Thinking of clearing out all the unwanted/ unplayed with gifts from last year and donating them or making up shoebox type gifts for the unfortunate.

Anyone know where I may be able to donate to? Would rather they went straight to families than into charity shops.

OP posts:

Septembersunrays · 01/10/2015 14:49

Op imagining all those toys in our small living room is hilarious!

Of course your right to not want huge massive items in your own home! its beyond silly.

also perhaps you feel it takes the magic away from your own gifts?

I would get dh to ask again really nicely, say " poor ds was sooo over whelmed last year, it was wonderful but I wonder if the size of gifts could be kept down this year please as we cant fit it in!"

OP if they ignore this and once again buy huge stuff, I think you should start to sell it.

then use that money to put into his account. you can sell on ebay or at sales, car boots or baby sales etc. ebay probably better if stuff is brand new.

TinyTear · 01/10/2015 15:14

Op, my local children's ward at the hospital is always grateful for toys. They just have to be wipeable, so not cuddly. When my DD was in for 3 days they brought toys to her bed which was lovely

Littlemousewithcloggson · 01/10/2015 15:40

Peanut we donated hardly used toys to hospitals, women's refuges and local families in need. Gave to the hospital direct and the vicar sorted out the rest as he knew who needed it and where. We have any new unused presents to the local radios presents for disadvantaged kids appeal.

Littlemousewithcloggson · 01/10/2015 15:41

Gave not have!

ImperialBlether · 01/10/2015 15:46

What you do is this. Invite them to tea next Sunday. Before they get there, bring every single thing they've bought your son and put it in the living room. Make sure at least one thing blocks the doorway so they can't get out to go to the loo. Make it as crowded as possible. It's important that nothing there is anything you've bought your son.

They need to see what the situation is like.

Then sit them down (if there's space - hopefully there won't be) and say, "Let's talk about Christmas..."

fuzzpig · 01/10/2015 15:52

When DS gets older they can pay for clubs/subscriptions/activities. That's what we do with birthday/xmas money from my parents and grandma, works really well (especially when DCs draw a picture of themselves doing the activity, as a thank you)

Septembersunrays · 01/10/2015 16:14

imperial

spot on and can you take pics op and show us please...

goblinhat · 01/10/2015 22:15

I agree all these big toys should be kept at granny's house.

OverScentedFanjo · 02/10/2015 11:04

My pil don't buy the DC any gifts ever. It really hurts me. I'd love some doting pil.

Original poster

Peanutbutternutter419 · 02/10/2015 17:11

Oh my...imperial that has made me laugh so much!! I would love to do this but it would literally take all day to do and at 20 weeks pg, I cannot be doing with it! I did do this when ds was born and they went SO OTT on clothes I had a breakdown as so overwhelmed with washing it all. The pile they brought round within 2 weeks took up our whole armchair! DH went mad and told them they had to stop!
Oh overscented please don't take this thread the wrong way, I adore them madly and love that they love to spoil my ds. It is just so overwhelming and taking over our whole house that it can't physically carry on another year! I am about spending time not money and would love to see them more instead of them overcompensating with gifts when we do see them and at Xmas.

OP posts:

BeaLola · 04/10/2015 12:13

How old is your DS ? With a new baby coming could you suggest and more importantly would you be willing to allow them to take him away for a special trip eg DisneylandParisso they buy him an experience he would love rather than lots more huge toys ? It could be a weekend away in this country or a couple of midweek days somewhere he would love ?

Secondtimeround75 · 05/10/2015 06:33

Maybe suggest a garden toy.
A good quality little tikes one that can grow with the kids.

Snausage · 05/10/2015 18:21

I can understand what you mean, OP, and I think Imperial has a great idea! Lighthearted and fun but a visual that will hit home a little...

My situation is more like that of overscented. My mum dates on DS, but DP's mum shows no interest at all. DS was one last weekend and I got a text message the evening before with an excuse as to why she hadn't got him anything. Not even a text message or phone call on the day. Your kiddie is one lucky little boy

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 06/10/2015 12:39

Track down your local women's aid, or toy library would be my two first suggestions.

I really like that visual suggestion from Imperial though.

Original poster

Peanutbutternutter419 · 06/10/2015 15:57

Snausage I am sorry to hear that your DP's mum is like that. At least you have your DM doting on him.

Just to update as a thank you to those who replied.

BealLola maybe my MIL is on here and saw your reply as the wierdest thing happened the other night.

We were round theirs talking about how many toys DS has and how many more we are likely to get over the years from 2nd DC and the ILs out of nowhere asked if we would like for them to pay for DS to go on holiday with them next year. They are planning for us all to go as a family but for DS' bday and Xmas present they will pay towards his flight and hotel.

I had to restrain myself from jumping up and hugging them (as they are not hugging people) but thanked them profusely as it is an amazing idea and I am overwhelmed with their generosity as it means we will be able to go on holiday as it would never have been affordable with DC2 due next year. But also holidays are so much fun with them!

OP posts:

Buttercupsandaisies · 06/10/2015 17:53

Glad it worked out well. I also had this problem but I think if you give the in laws some ideas of presents saying how much they're wanted or needed, surely they'd buy them rather than risking a toy that may be ignored?
However part of the gift giving is them seeing the child excited and I expect for most kids, the bigger the present the more excited they get. Luckily this sort of thing only lasts a few years as kids naturally get into older and smaller presents.

I do however strongly agree with them that asking for money for bigger things when they're older (car, university) etc is a bit mean and always seems bad taste IMO. I know not everyone agrees but I don't know many people who ask for cash. The oil would get no satisfaction from such a gift. My dm has this issue with my sil. She always asks for cash and it causes rows every year, esp as the kids don't get to spend it and often don't realise they were even given anything!

However what about a voucher for something...e.g when we found they got too much, they got into build a bear. Half an hour in there clears a £50 voucher easily. I know in parents opinion it's seen as a waste of cash but kids often love it.

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