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Original poster

How do you stop buying presents for people

26 replies

blibblobblub · 30/09/2015 08:55

Especially when you hardly ever see them?

Everyone in my family buys for everyone and I can't do it any more, it's getting too much. It's not just the expense but the hassle. I can't be arsed buying what are, essentially, crap presents - tins of biscuits and small boxes of chocs. It just feels wasteful and unnecessary (plus it is the expense a little bit, we can't really afford it this year).

My GPs are dead so I'm talking about aunts, uncles, cousins. Obviously I'm still happy to buy for my parents and sister and her partner. We have a baby now and so does one of my cousins so I'll buy for the baby, and I imagine we'll get gifts for ours, but I would be happy not receiving gifts for myself and DH.

We barely see each other through the year but we all gather on Christmas morning. I don't have many of their phone numbers, hardly any of them on Facebook. Plus even if I did it'd feel incredibly crass to ring them and say "hi! Don't buy me a gift this year because I'm not getting you one!" Even Christmas cards we tend to just pass on through others.

Am I overthinking it? Should I just bite the bullet and not buy anything? Or just hide in a bunker until Christmas is over

OP posts:
Trumpton · 30/09/2015 09:06

If you all gather on Christmas morning can you do a " lucky dip " from you to the rest , it would relive the stress of choosing the right gift for the right person and then say the next year you will only buying for immediate family and children .

ozzia · 30/09/2015 09:09

We do a not so secret santa. You get a name out of the hat and you have to spend £x on then but no one else. We do £40 and that person usually gives some suggestions of what they would like. Saves everyone money and saves people getting tat. Works so well for us

MrsDeathOfRats · 30/09/2015 09:10

Can you send out an email? And then ask t to be forwarded to anyone who you have missed off the address list. Saying something to the effect 'dh and I have come to the agreement that we simply can't afford to buy presents for extended families/friends anymore. Now that there are children within the family we feel it is more important to keep the Christmas spirit alive for them and would rather people gave them a gift if they so desire but not for ourselves.
The gifts aren't the important part of Christmas for us, it's about family, happiness etc'

Try to make it sound like your not being a Scrooge but this is genuinely how you feel. And then, don't buy any presents for anyone. If ppl give them to you take the thought that they must simply love to give or that they feel they must buy that doesn't mean you have to.
My family does this. We made it all about the kids but I love to give so I make up homemade boxes of treats for everyone. Jam, Christmas foods etc.

IDismyname · 30/09/2015 09:10

I would go along with it this year (through gritted teeth) and then tell everyone what your plans are re Christmas 2016. You may find that everyone has been thinking the same thing!

madmotherof2 · 30/09/2015 09:10

Secret Santa?

We don't have a massive family but we have an agreement with my brother in law and sister in law that we only buy presents for the children. There's 5 children all together and 4 out of those 5 have birthdays within 6 weeks either side of Christmas! So it's an expensive time!

We always buy a gift for my brother as he has no children

ozzia · 30/09/2015 09:11

Oh and it was brought up by my aunt who worded it as "a friend does this with their family and it works really well, kids get pressies from everyone until they're adults then they can chose to join in or not. Shall we give it a go this year, if we hate it then we can go back to normal next year" we never went back!

Original poster
blibblobblub · 30/09/2015 09:11

ozzia see I'd love that but I don't think it would work for us Sad (family dynamics, some people being closer to each other than others etc etc)

Trumpton that sounds like a good suggestion though, that could work!

OP posts:
zzzzz · 30/09/2015 09:16

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Original poster
blibblobblub · 30/09/2015 09:30

I don't want to stop seeing them all at Christmas, I think it's nice that we all gather and catch up. But we're talking 3x aunts and uncles, and then 5 adult cousins (and now a baby), and 3 (or 4 now?) partners of cousins. Even at a fiver a pop it really starts to add up. My baby and my cousin's baby are the only children to consider.

OP posts:
zzzzz · 30/09/2015 09:47

This reply has been deleted

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GnocchiGnocchiWhosThere · 30/09/2015 09:49

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ozzia · 30/09/2015 10:01

I'm not close to some of the others in the secret santa. Not seen some of them for about 2 years but it still works, or you could ask what everyone thinks - I doubt you're the only one who thinks it's got silly and expensive just no one wants to say anything

KatharineClifton · 30/09/2015 10:06

Just do World Gifts, can spend a little and it means a lot worldgifts.cafod.org.uk/

KatharineClifton · 30/09/2015 10:12

Or there are loads of other suggestions on this thread forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?p=27673041&&_ga=1.41948773.1952823392.1440879478#post27673041

Iamnotloobrushphobic · 30/09/2015 10:12

I just stopped buying for people. It got ridiculous as I have 7 siblings, my husband has 5 siblings and between us we had over 30 nieces and nephews. It wasn't even financially feasible to just buy for the children in the extended family so we stopped buying for everyone except our own children, each other and our parents. Nobody has complained or said anything and over the years many people in the family have drastically reduced their Xmas shopping lists.

Original poster
blibblobblub · 30/09/2015 11:56

Wow loobrush I don't blame you! That sounds intense.

zzzzz of course family is important, but I doubt any ties are going to be broken if someone misses out on a tin of Celebrations Hmm

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Original poster
blibblobblub · 30/09/2015 11:57

Thank you Katharine, that's helpful Smile

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KatharineClifton · 30/09/2015 12:07

Haha, it's probably not as it doesn't answer how to get out of it. I've never really found a way as told all family not to buy me gifts and I'm not buying them back. But in the intervening years they still bought them anyway so I resorted to charity gifts. One year they all got a virtual brick in an orphanage.

Cel982 · 30/09/2015 12:08

Maybe post your Christmas cards this year, and add a little note along the lines of "With the family expanding so rapidly, Joe and I have decided just to give presents to immediate family this year. So please don't buy for us! Just seeing you all on Christmas morning is the real highlight of the season anyway."

MinesAPintOfTea · 30/09/2015 12:12

I just txted sil and sugggested children only presents this year. Will still buy for db who doesn't have DC though.

GnocchiGnocchiWhosThere · 30/09/2015 12:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
blibblobblub · 30/09/2015 13:53

Katharine yep I had same thing...did that one year, it worked, then the year after we were back to square one!

I did think of putting a note in Christmas cards but surely a lot of people will buy presents before they start receiving cards?

OP posts:
OverAndAbove · 02/10/2015 06:47

Yes, the problem is the timing.

A few years ago my DH's family decided they would not to gifts for adults. I would gave been quite happy, as he is one of six and they all have partners. However they only decided this in November, and I'd already bought most of them...

rosieliveson1 · 03/10/2015 14:28

I think it is a bit late to change anything for this year. Some people may start shopping early to help their budget. Could you not just buy and split a case of wine for each couple?

Also, one thing to consider when only buying for the children is that some people don't have children. I know you don't give to receive but I spent many years as the childless sibling in a large family who spent ££ on her numerous nieces and nephews and didn't get so much as a bottle of wine or box of chocs in return.
If people buy for your family, adults or children, I think a gift should be reciprocated.

Toastedteacakewithbutter · 03/10/2015 19:05

Why don't you buy a board game (or a couple of dvd's or cd's of Christmas music) and some posh chicks or a big gingerbread house, and say in the morning, sorry we were on a strict budget this year so we have brought a board game/ gingerbread house for us all to enjoy together this afternoon as our present ?