How many presents?

[messystressy]

We normally buy four or so presents for the kids, but keep getting told I am being cruel - that they should have a "pile". I am quite happy to remain as we have done, but just wondering what the status quo is? Might be worth saying that they would get maybe two additional presents from relatives. Am I a Scrooge? We do love Christmas in my house, decorate the house in a complete tacky over-the-top way, see Santa, visit reindeer etc....

6 presents in total (OP's 4 plus 2 from relatives) is fine.
It will feel special and exciting but wont be overwelming. 6 is probably the maximum number of new things my DS (3) could play with in one day.
I buy mine 3 or 4 but they end up with a pile once all the grannys and aunties have
gone overboard bought stuff as well.
A lot of it ends up not being played with untill a few days later so it doesnt really add add much to the day. (Although obviously we're greatful to recieve it and it all gets enjoyed in the end)
I often think i should cut down what I give but then i get weird and territorial about it and want him to have things ive chosen.

I was guilty of the facebook pile photo last year . I know its not classy.
Pulling of christmas felt like an accomplishment and I wanted to give myself a little pat on the back and get some acknowledgment from my pals. I posted photos of the table with its pringles and appletise and the living room decorations (described as christmaspocolypse by one friend) as well!
I dont think its usually done to be competative or make others feel bad.

I find the idea that JUST BECAUSE a child gets a lot they immediately become spoilt and ungrateful. It's as stupid s sweeping generalisation as saying JUST BECAUSE a child doesn't get much they will become resentful and envious. Neither are true. Either can however be the result of year long parenting. I don't think there's any reason to feel smug because either you get lots or you think there is some kind of moral superiority in buying little.

Teach your kids to have confidence in their own abilities and to do good in the world and who cares if they got an Xbox or s toothbrush for their 8th Christmas.

Memories go beyond presents

Are the two mutually exclusive?

Surely memories can be bound up with presents too....

i dont like either extreme really, I loathe the " my child was happy sucking on the lump of coal, arnt we amazing" and the " lets spend thousands in toys r us"

Its possible to have a lovely xmas, with a pile of presents!

For the first 3 to 4 years of DD life she got xmas from car boots, pounds shops and freecyle, Indeed her best present one year was an angel dress I got for a £1 at a car boot, and another year it was a huge carrier bag of lion king toys I got for free.

She spent most of that winter lining them all up in different poses round the house and they were FREE. But it seems that doesn't matter to some posters, that even if they were FREE they would have wittled that large bag down to maybe ONE toy

Exciting and lovely toys does not = expensive plastic crap.

However xmas to me also means, something really exciting under that tree, that expectation. I have wonderful xmas memories of waking up with a huge doll on my bed, or going to the tree and there, glistening with the tinsel, and the embers of the fire a brand new shiny silver and white racer bike!

Now my DC are older I spend more on them.

OP back to your question its not an issue of how many for me. Its more, what are their interests this year, what will last through the year till next year...whats fun, whats educational etc.

So I have got a john adams hot wires set, which is electrical, and be great learning tool as well as lots of fun, she can create loads of working things with it.But it was expensive, For fun, a furby, for education, those historical usborne sticker books which teaches them about historical dress. She will get some Greek Myths books as she is really into them at the moment. My DD comes to things throughout the year too, so it keeps her going. Loads of books too, this year wolves of willougbhy chase.

Yeah imagine the kids at school where these things matter asking 'what did you get for Christmas?' 'I got a toothbrush' s all round.

I never heard of it until here neither. Sometimes I think people make up all sorts to show how cool they are when in reality it's different.

Mind my ex used to get a box of tissues well into adulthood, all beautifully wrapped every year so..... But his mother was well odd in general.

I find the idea that JUST BECAUSE a child gets a lot they immediately become spoilt and ungrateful

I have some exceedingly wealthy relatives, people wold blow a gasket if they saw what these children have generally, although no huge piles for xmas...they already have a huge stocked toy room already have access to everything, but they are not spoilt in the least. They are lovely kind sweet tigtfl children.

what is the yard stick for lots here?

Posters have come on and said " we only give the obligatory orange" but then reveal YES they have 40 relatives who ALL buy for their DC so actually....their DC may get lots more than some other posters....

Sometimes I think people make up all sorts to show how cool they are when in reality it's different

I don't think it is cool though.

My DM wasnt great at presents really my special stuff came from my older siblings, but xmas would have still been magic.

HOWEVER I think there is a huge difference between a sweet put upon woman rushing round with little budget trying her best....with no real clue, to a woman with more budget, calculating and considering and keeping things to bare minimum.

seems calculating and cruel to me.

I buy mine 3 or 4 but they end up with a pile once all the grannys and aunties have
gone overboard bought stuff as well

Ah yo see we dont have that extra its all down to ys

I dont think its usually done to be competative or make others feel bad.

Yes it is, maybe unintentionally, but yes. Otherwise why bother, who would be interested

Yeah imagine the kids at school where these things matter asking 'what did you get for Christmas?' 'I got a toothbrush' hmm s all round.

Unless said child is going to list every single item in their stocking and every present they got that's unlikely to happen, isn't it? If you ask someone what they got for Christmas they will usually tell you only the big/exciting/cool presents. You don't hear many children listing off socks, a satsuma, some chocolate coins, a pencil, space putty, a cuddly toy etc etc like some version of the Generation Game, do you?!

Normally load, like a proper excess. Last year I had a budget of around £300 each for dc and then had an unexpected £800 in December which mostly went on the dcs Christmas.

This year not so much, £150 per dc plus clothes. No toys and no electronics as they have an excessive amount already. I might wrap ps3 games and computer games that they want in big boxes so it looks more on Christmas morning.

We do one main pressie from DH and I and a stocking. Te stocking usually has a mix of socks/sweets/general plastic tat and perhaps two or three slightly more generous items. Last year the overall budget was about £60 each for big pressie and stocking. This year we may put it up a tiny bit but not hugely. My DS gets a little bit of cash or something extra (not in front of the DSC) as he is NC with his father and their family and the DSC have a whole other Christmas with their mother - it just evens it out for all of them a bit.

You don't hear many children listing off socks, a satsuma, some chocolate coins, a pencil, space putty, a cuddly toy etc etc like some version of the Generation Game, do you?

No yo dont bt it seems thats all some dc get here?

I do main present and stocking from Santa, then a pild of presents from us. DD also gets gifts from 6 family members (who spoil her rotten too) and bits from friends. So that leads to a big pile!

We grew up very poor with an emotional abusive mother who manages to ruin most family events so we all over compensate for that.

Lots of DDs presents are books, stationary, craft and board game related so after lunch we have a wonderful time playing games and making things. We do make sure DD knows how lucky she is and most of our Christmas activities involve family time - baking mince pies, making cards for family and friends type activities.

Everyone is different, no one should judge unless your idea of a Christmas is giving the kids an orange as joint present and lunch! Do what works for your family.

And I promise not to judge those who choose to give less, just show me the same courtesy!

Mine always have funky toothbrushes, shower gel, socks in their stocking.

Never a pile of presents. The year they had a wii to share it was that, a book and small toy each.

Our budget tends to vary - this Christmas I'm on mat leave so it's less than last year. We tend to get the DC one main present - this year DD has a camera for £40 and DS has a Little Tikes thing for £30 - and then some additional things like books, small toys etc. No set amount - just whatever we can afford. They both have stockings but (while they are both little anyway!) they are filled with tat from Primark/Poundland/charity shops. I love Christmas and I love seeing them open and enjoy their gifts but I'm not going to bankrupt myself over it.

Ahh you see meglet a wii in our family is something we couldn't afford!

As poster said earlier how can you judge that pile of 4 could be ipad, tickets to leeds and whatever....
A wii would be considered a HUGE ticket present in our house and more than we have paid and brought for them.

But we will probably get one at some point.

Last year someone on FB suggested the following and I loved it

Something they want
Something they need
Something to wear
Something to read

I think I liked it because it was more or less what we do anyway but good to have a mantra.

Growing up we always had a huge pile but very rarely the stuff we wanted, just what my mum had seen on offer etc. I have teenage siblings living at home and with a bit of help she now manages quality not quantity. She spends roughly £400 on each but they get nothing else throughout the year and they are in no way spoiled.

My dsc we spend about £150 each which I think is plenty. I'm pregnant with my first and I think for a good few years baby will probably only get around £50 worth, so maybe one present and a stocking? The problem is dsc mum goes completely overboard and spends roughly £800 each as well as whatever they would like throughout the year. We can't match up to that and I wouldn't want to anyway. It's quite sad the way they never look forward to anything and don't appreciate the smaller gifts we give.

I don't think there is any right or wrong, do what suits you as a family and ignore any judgy comments

I learnt last year that less is more! DD didn't have a pile of presents, she had maybe eight gifts to open, but she was completely overwhelmed and confused with it all!
This year she'll have four presents under the tree from us. GP/auntie and uncle/family friends/etc presents will be there too, but it's unlikely to be a Facebook-worthy pile.

I usually have (between FC and us) a pile of presents. But I try to include things that are needed/aren't piles of plastic for me to store. I think the main oresent for both dc this year will be a new scooter each a their old ones are too small. I will also get hoodies and tshirts which they want (brands their friends wear), jigsaws and stationery, chocolate etc). So it will be a pile but hopefully not a pile of useless shite! The aim is to get the pile just big enough for a fun Christmas splurge but not so big it has bankrupted me or made the place clutter city.

September - I can highly recommend this book of Greek Myths Greek Myths my 9yo DD absolutely loves it.

We spend £250 on each child. Well in theory. This is the first year that DD2 (she will be just turned 3) will get nearly the whole amount spent on her, but its hard because she has hand me downs from the eldest.

The amount of presents varies depending on the expense of the items, and I do like a pile. But the last two years I have seen photos on facebook of other peoples houses and our "piles" looked pitiful in comparison.

DD1 (6) has already said this year she wants to donate toys to the Christmas appeals, and give advent calendars and special biscuits to the food bank. That was her own idea after she asked me about food banks and children who aren't as fortunate as us, which was sparked off by the shoe box appeal note coming home from school last week.

I don't think the piles at Christmas have spoiled my children. Being "spoiled" is an attitude, it doesn't require loads of material goods in order to exist.

I don't like the idea of "piles", and comparing size of piles etc etc.

We have a jumble of presents under the tree, everyone takes turns crawling under, fishing one out and reading out the label. If you are very sneaky, you can retrieve a present addressed to you, but otherwise you might have to wait. It adds to the anticipation.
And you never know if you might get another present, right until the last one is gone.

My DC will probably have 2 or 3 presents from us under the tree (one of which will be clothing), plus a stocking on the end of the bed in the morning. I think that's plenty.

This always ends up with it being a competition as to how little people spend when it is not due to financial restriction. I agree it's balancing what you can afford with how you parent. I tend to be on the spoiling end of the scale but both DC have birthday in the Summer, so they tend not to get a lot in between. Mine are teenagers now and I will attempt to keep the budget to around £500 each. I have spent less when they were younger but they had a much bigger pile- I would never have boasted about it on FB though as apart from me not being on it back then, it is also vulgar and not nice for people who are struggling.

I would say that they usually had 10-15 gifts plus a stocking of small things.

I generally tried to include one outdoor type of thing (scooter/RC car/Basketball net) a dvd or two, books, Pyjamas etc as well as toys.

But hey, ho we are all different. I guess it's maybe because I was brought up in a deprived background and my mum did struggle and made christmas really nice for us, but I never really got any "big ticket" items and would never, ever have asked for anything. That has psychologically made me keen to make sure that my children have never been disappointed on Christmas morning. However, I can afford to do so and have never got into debt to do it.