quick poll - am I beign unreasonable regarding PIL and my children from prev relationship

[Kelly1978]

I'm a bit worried because dp's family look like they are going to totally spoil the dts - they are looking at things like a £300 ride on car (which we are desperately trying to talk them out of!) But the main problem is that our older two are mine from a prev relationship and tend to get left out. They got nothing for diwali, and mroe recently his fmaily bought advent calendars just for the dts. Am I right to feel miffed? dd is the oldest and is 6 and has begun to notice that they only ever buy boys toys and is feelign a bit left out. I am worried that she is going to be upset if the dts gets tons for xmas from them and nothing for her or ds1.

I'd be very miffed
My PIL treat my ds as one of their own grandchildren, he was 6 when dp and I got together.
I would be very cross and would get my DP to speak to them about it
Or ask for vouchers, that you can spread equally amongst the children.
I think I'd refuse any gifts from them in that situation.

No it's entirely reasonable to discuss it in advance and request they buy (less expensively) for all of the kids. It's not like the older ones are jaded teenagers, they probably I'm sure they appreciate Christmas more than the twins.

Plus all your kids have had a hell of a year, they should be taking that into consideration.

Kelly, I know this is a contentious issue but I've been where you're standing and really, your husband took you all on as a package and so should your PIL. We're talking about the feelings of innocent children here. I wouldn't care if all the children had £1 spent on them or all had £50 spent on them as long as they're treated equally. I would insist I'm afraid.

I hope they realise that regardless of genetics the children are all your dps children. If not then you will have to give them guidelines on gifts.

My mother has 15 step grand children and 1 natural grandchild. In the past she has treated all well and fairly. She makes no apologies that our DD will get a little extra present wise but she will have spent less on her if that makes any sense. For example her 17 yr old step grand daughter is desparate to go into fashion designing asn so Mum is giving her a fair whack of money to put towards a sewing machine. So yes your PIL need to take on board that you are a family unnit and as such all the children should be treated equally.

I have always insisted that mine are treated the same I guess I may have upset some family but as far as I am concerned they are all the one family and like it or lump it. I made that rule 14 years ago when dh and me had our 1st ds he took on my 5 oldest as his own so I wasnt allowing anyone else making things harder for us and 3 more kids later and they still treat them all the same and my oldest is now 28 LOL

I think it's just very selfish to deliberately set up barriers in somebody's family. Grandchildren are a privilege and not a right so ANY and all grandchildren should be considered a blesing.