How to say 'NO pressies to us and none from us either' without offending!

[Moomin]

We are skint this year and I've also been getting upset with the amount of gratutitous present-buying that goes on between acquaintances who buy for my kids so i feel obliged to buy for theirs too.

Don't want to do it this year, kids will just get presents from close friends, family and Santa of course. How do I say to these people not to buy for us (whilst also implying they won't be getting a present back). Need to do something soon as some people are more organised than me anyway and will be shopping soon. It seems clumsy just to bring it up in conversation.

simply say that things a re a little tight this year and so you would appreciate if they wouldn't buy for your and yours as you wont be able to offer them gifts.

honesty is the best policy, i can't see why anyone would be offended by that

FM's suggestion is perfect.

We too have had to do this in the past. Nobody was offended (or if they were, they didn't tell us )

We did the 'money to charity thing'. We told people we weren't buying presents but were giving money to charity instead. It went down very well.

think you may find most are relieved. The charity thing goes down well too.

all good suggestions
I did this last year with some friends - just asked in conversation if they had started Christmas shopping.......and then said something like oh they get so much don't they - would it upset you if we stopped exchanging presents?...blah blah blah They get so much from family etc etc . Felt a lot better having said it to my friends - it knocked about 10 children off my list which made a big difference. We now only buy for children on both sides, and 3 godchildren

have also said this to a friend,we both agreed the children needed more presents like they needed another hole in their heads.She was visibly relieved. .

I just started a family feud for daring to suggest such a thing now can't be arsed to talk to either of my SILs till I calm down.

I got a lecture on learning to budget/make christmas presents from one & accusations of having a pissing contest from the other

FWIW Lost in France & Hana suggestions seem good plans-I think normal people would respect your honesty

We make a lot of little gifts. It's fun, cheap and people still get a little something.

Food always goes over well.

Nothing like some lovin' from the oven.

I agree with you expat-just I'd be tempted to sprinkle a little ground glass in the cookies at the mo'

Add booze to the gifts. That way you can drink some whilst you bake.

at least one of my SIL's is teetotal.....but

lovin from the oven

lol
have made me giggle here working late at night!
on a break of course from the work..

Yes all good suggestions (esp the one about ground glass in sil's cookies My sil is an absolute darling grrrrrrrrr)

Will say to our good friends that always buy for us and the kids that we'll get together and invest in some booze & grub instead. We'll just buy for family (which is ironic as given the choice I'd rather buy for my mates' kids who I infinitely prefer to my goggle-eyed nephews who treat 'thank you' like a poisonous word, or my 2 god-daughters who live in a wall-to-wall Bratz world) Family eh?

so what do we do about christmas cards? Now I'm in the mood for a pared-down Christmas, it seems a good time to tackle this as well. I'll be donating money to the scheme at work where they put a poster up for all contributors saying happy christmas and send donation to breast cancer research. Dd1 will make a few cards for people we don't see very often. What about all the others? I'd love not to bother with the whole palarva of dd1 sending them to her class, but another part of me thinks she'll enjoy the giving and receiving and she's never done it before, as she's in reception. what do others think/do?

I do really love exchanging cards, although I know it is terribly wasteful. Last year a friend sent an email saying this year they were donating money to XX instead of buying cards. I thought it was a good way to deal with it.

The rule for the Dc's cards in my house is that if they don't write them they don't get sent. Bought some in smiths last year after christmas for 20p and have them in the cupboard ready

I think you need to do what you are comfortable with, tbh

I buy for people I can't get out of buying for.

I love getting cards, especially round robin type stuff so I do send cards and will do until I am too decrepit to write.

I do kind of think xmas is about giving and it people cant appreciate my chocolate gingerbread people and cards made by my 3 yo, feck em, the miserable sods.

How about giving the gingerbread man in an envelope as a christmas card

Are your kids old enough to make presents? You could make sweet things like fudge or toffee and wrap it up in pretty cellophane for family. I have fond memories of toffee that my cousin made for my dad when I was younger, we couldn't eat it as it was much too chewy but it made great firelighters.

I expect friends will be fine (even relieved) about not buying for each others kids, and the kids will never notice.

Be honest. Suggest you all meet up for a dinrk or something instead. We do this with all our friends, we just buy for the children. Have done for a few years. It's much easier on the purse. Besides how many more candles, bath sets and photo frames could my house have held

I love receiving cards and every year we send about 100

We buy them all in the sale and include loads of photos in all of them nad also stuff in loads of the paintings and drawings etc. that the girls have done over the year

This year I have bought a roll of plain white paper and the girls have already been crawling all over it with glitter, glue and paint and making handprints and footprints so we have very personal non-plastic wrapping paper

I'm v. Martha Stewart about the whole thing

oh yes - I love home made prezzies. last year we did mango chtney for everyone. it was delicious. plus dd made most of the family cards.

you could make fudge as mp suggests, or soap (really easy), or chutney or something. or you could mention to everyone who'll listen that you're having a no present pact with evreyone this year. I don't think that's terribly clumsy. you don't have to say it's because you're hard up.

or homemade mince pies with home made mincemeat. it's not rreally cheap to make, but costs less than a normal prezzie and says spirit of christmas in spades.

oh I feel all festive now.

My dad did this last year with his family, my uncles, aunts, cousins etc.

He suggested that he would give £50 (I think?) to the lifeboat ( god whats its called, complete mental block) RNLI? fund. Everybody else thought it was a great idea and saves buying so many presents to give to each other. It was getting a bit ridiculous.

Well I've just texted most of our friends and siggested we don't exchange gifts for the kids (or us). I've had a phone call from dh's best friend who is mega extravagant with gifts usually and he is fine about it (yes he did sound relieved actually!) and texts from my mate and also her mum who have both already bought for my two. I've said I'll buy for my mate's son now and told her mum how appreciative I am too.

Have decided to let dd1 do her xmas cards as she will enjoy this, and we will do most of ours too as you're right, it's nice to hear from everyone and have cards decorating the house. Dd1 will make a fair few as well as I've just remembered I bought some card-making kits in the sales last Jan. Baking some mince pies and stuff like that sounds good fun too, so will make sure we take some round to each house we visit this year.