Inlaws and extended family nightmare ,before, after and during christmas.....

[Jaykillandhide]

OK i wil cut to the chase.....

This is the first year in our new house with DD 10 mths old. Mum and Dad are divorced with respective partnerS.

M and D dont really get on that much.....
and now we all live within 30 mins of each other...

Sister who is single and normally has dinner with Mum and her partner.

Brother and SIL who have alwayS haVE dinner on their own.

Dad and partner, who always invite all siblings, Grandparents and aunts ETC over on Boxing day as Dads partner normally works on Christmas day....

PIL live in Devon which is about 4 hrs from us..STILL WITH ME??

SO, as this is the first christmas with the first grandchild it seems everyone wants a slice and i just dont know what to do.

Options;

1, Invite PIL to stay for a period of time over christmas, and then aske EVERYONE over to our house for dinner on christmas day , with instructions they all have to make and bring something with them as i wont be able to cook for everyone.

2, Invite PIL to come for period over christmas. Have dinner just with them, but invite M and partner and sister over in the afternoon for 'tea' then on boxing day D and partner and aunts etc can all come to us for the afternoon and 'tea

3, Invite PIL to come for period over new year ( they can be here for DD first bday which is on 3rd jan, ( just to make matters worse) and have christmas dinner on own then do the same for point 2 with regards Mum and Dad.

lord its just so hard, i know i cant please everyone, but i want to have a happy first christmas a=with no fall outs, my sister has already almost invited herself over as she doesnt want to spend it with M and her partner again.......

Sorry about the long post, i dont really expect anyone to have any ideas but it was good to get it all out and on 'paper'!!!

How about...
see M & your siblings Xmas day
see D at his place Boxing day
PIL for NY?

My advice is to do what you want to do. Don't wory abotu everyone else.
Can you arrange a different day to visit family/they visit you?

thanks ladies, i cant see this resolving itself, my family are wierd at the best of times, let alone christmas. Maybe Santa will whisk me away for the festive time!! Will let you know how it goes

Personally I would take the opportunity to spend Christmas with your family - you, dh and dd.

Your dd is little and will not respond well to lots of visitors and tooing and froing. She will get more out of rellies in a couple of years really. So unless you want to see them don't.

this is a time to start a new tradition. agree with threebob.

its sorted for your dad - boxing day at his, so would alternate xmas eve and day with the inlaws (starting next year) with new year.

so this year go round your mums on xmas eve and visit the inlaws (or them to you) over new year and alternate each year.

whatever, it should just be the three of you on xmas day this year.

Once we had ds we actually go over to MIL for tea on Christmas day because then I don't have to cook or shop in return for spending 3 hours at their house.

I would never invite them here because that might start a one year at ours, one at yours thing.

They have this habit of inviting random people (from church usually) who are alone at Christmas. Which is nice of them, but does mean that you get stuck with an alcoholic, or a dullard or whatever. SIL put her foot down last year and said she wasn't doing presents in front of someone she didn't know (and they didn't either).

Definitely, definitely time to start the tradition of "Christmas day is just for us and the kid[s]". Sort the ILs out with visits before and after Christmas day. I so regret spending my kids' first Christmasses with lots of relatives. I wish I'd had time to sit on the floor and play with wrapping paper with them!

I think everyone goes especially nuts over the first xmas with newbie!! Our first xmas we caved and went round seeing all the family to then come home and have our own dinner. We were so exhausted that we barely ate dinner and both ds (only 3mths at the time) and myself were ill for the rest of xmas!!! My advice would be to spend xmas day together on your own and maybe inviting some of your family over for a xmas supper (depending on what time you all have your meal) or see some of your family on xmas eve, some on boxing day and then maybe have everyone over on new years day. You have to remember that xmas is for you guys too and now is the time to be firm and do what's best for dd and yourselves and then everyone else!!!

option 4 - go away on own for Christmas

I agree there is no easy way. Two christmasses ago I was forced (emotionally blackmailed by parents, pil and dh) to have both sets of parents and both my sisters and their partners for both Christmas and boxing day and I was a week away from having dd3. It is a nightmare.