There's nothing I can do about this, is there?

[threelittlepumpkins]

For the last 5 years we have seen FIL and his brother on xmas day. We have also had BIL/SIL and assorted kids twice; the other years they have spent xmas with SIL's family.
Today she tells me by text message that they have invited their friends over for xmas. I said I thought FIL would want to see them over xmas, as they have a 6mo, and FIL has spent all his grandchildren's first xmas with them. In fact this was a sneaky ploy on my part to fob them off I dont like my FIL and would just appreciate the chance to spend xmas just with my family for a change, as SIL has done many times with hers.
Anyway she said they have no room for FIL and Uncle- "maybe next year" in her words.
I'm pissed off for the following reasons:

1. They have yet to invite us to stay with them, and it would be nice, having slaved for them on several occasions
2. I do feel it's a bit unfair to FIL not to see their baby
3. Think BIL and SIL have priorities wrong, should have considered asking FIL before their friends, but they assume we will do it, as usual.
4. I am totally stuck with having FIL/Uncle here and I don't want to. But can't say no, as my mum will be here.

It's 2 months away, and already I am dreading spending it with them. It would just be nice to be able to relax and spend the day at our own pace, without someone sitting around being waited on, and feeling the need to video EVERYTHING

oh christ am so with you on the videoing! MIL videoes her food

ok not much help but bumping

Oh Lord, family politics are so much more complex than international diplomacy. You have my sympathy! My MIL takes photographs of food. And flowers. Which you then have to admire (a whole set of photographs of bouquets that she's been sent).

Thanks Filly, am at your MIL. Honestly, FIL swung the camera round at me in bed about 4 hours after giveing birth to dd, in the middle of a massive pph! Good job I was incapacitated.

Was feeling all sorry for myself then, thinking no one had replied because my post made me look like a selfish bitch

Thanks edam, glad it's not just me. Hate the thought of another stilted, unnaturally strained xmas

aw

had a quite long thread about my mad family and xmas about a week ago.

if I hadn't just exhibited my true weak-kneed crapness on this thread, I would certainly have suggested you stand up to them and blah.

But I know how frigging hard it can be.

(ps we took the batteries out of FIL's camera in the end)

have just remembered dp's cousin's wedding

there were about 13 courses, with different options (vegetarian, vegan, chocolophobic etc) at each stage

my MIL was in food-photographing heaven.

completely understand the family frustrations. We have a BIL/SIL who are a tad selfish. Everything tends to run to their agenda.

Last year, I offered to have everyone here, because I was in a really festive mood (as ever!) and wanted to take the pressure off MIL who has done it for donkey's years.
Well, BIL/SIL said they really couldn't manage the travelling distance with two kids, so they were going to stay up there. We have three little ones for travelling, but hey-ho, we just wanted to try and have a family Christmas.

Anyway, two weeks later, we are told that, what with FIL/MIL going up there and a visit from SIL parents, too, there just wouldn't be room for us at all anyway.

So we spent Christmas completely alone with my troublesome brother who did something unmentionable on Christmas night. Oh well, the whopping great turkey I ordered lasted for weeks

Think if FIL and his brother have been coming to you for years, they will just assume that they are welcome this year too.

Sorry can't think of a good way of getting out of this without causing anyone offence. Worst luck!

Every year I want us to spend Christmas on our own and every year I feel I want to share the children so we see the inlaws. The last couple have been awful. This year we are having the whole day on our own!!!!Not that they know yet and I know they will be upset and disappointed but for once we will do what we want.

Arrghh! The Christmas 'dread' begins! You spend 9/10 months of the year looking forward to Christmas thinking, mistakenly, that it will be a lovely cosy family time and then, come October/November you remember just how stressful it really is.

No advice but much sympathy - I long for Christmas with just my family but this year we're at the PIL and no doubt next year it'll be mine - it's because we have the only grandchildren in the family - I'm hoping next year someone else will get pg and take the pressure off!

Family politics! - I'd have better chances climbing everest than getting it 'right' for everyone!