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Christmas

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Original poster

how can I persuade MIL to go easy on the presents?

29 replies

mckenzie · 11/10/2006 20:51

I don't wish to sound ungrateful, I really don't. I have a great MIL who spends lots of time and money on her 2 grandchildren all year round but she does go mad at christmas.

Last year was DD's first christmas and she and DS both got the biggest ever sack full to the brim of presents. I've tried mentioning these last few days how I've been havig a major clear out as they boht seem to have too many toys, don't play with the half of them etc etc.

Do you think I should just hope she takes the hints or can i actually ask outright for her to go easy?

OP posts:
oooggs · 11/10/2006 20:54

Good question and good luck - I have no advise but will watch this with interest!!!!

I find my parents spend a normal amount but mil & fil (seperatly) spend very little so it looks like my parents spend loads and dh gets annoyed.

badkarma · 11/10/2006 20:57

My parents have 15 grandchildren and spend £20 on each child. Last xmas MIL and FIL spent over £150 each on ds and dd. It makes me feel bad on behalf of my parents too... personally money doesn't matter to me. But it is the fact that MIL will keep saying "That gift we bought dd" etc... and last year we said it was far too much and that the big gifts should come from santa, and that if they wanted they could buy them a gift and give the rest in cash that we can put in their bank account.. they accused us of being ungrateful. Can't wait to see how it will turn out this xmas! lol

hairymclary · 11/10/2006 20:58

I would ask outright. I have said to all of my family that we'd much rather have book tokens or money (HATE asking for that though) than presents for ds as he just has so many toys already.

there's no point wasting money on toys that aren't going to be used

pointyfangedWeredog · 11/10/2006 21:48

I've sort of said outright in a slightly vague way. So 'just get that one thing, she'll be happy with that'(not quite happened yet!) 'don't spend a lot because there's not much she really wants.... etc. Is that more like hints?

I hate, hate, hate it when they get about five+ presents each from both sets of grandparents. But I'm not going to fall out about it. It's their cash.

hairymclary · 11/10/2006 21:51

my problem is i don't have room in the house for all the massive plastic junk he receives. lol

WriggleyWitchesJiggle · 11/10/2006 21:57

Would love g'parents to get one 'good quality' present that can be treasured, but instead I expect it will be vast quantities of (well meaning) junk.

WriggleyWitchesJiggle · 11/10/2006 21:58

Gosh, does that sound ungrateful, didn't mean it to sound like that .

Would love a good way of phrasing "please buy one present and if you want to buy more put the money into her bank account".

Any suggestions?

ProfYaffle · 11/10/2006 22:00

My parents go really ott with Xmas prezzies as well. My Mum's already talking about buying dd a big sit down keyboard thing from ELC. I've specifically and clearly told her that we don't have any room for a toy that big, 2 weeks later she's still making it clear that she's going to buy it. I've also had the 'need to clear out the house, too many toys, doesn't play with them' talk, seems to have had zero impact.

hairymclary · 11/10/2006 22:03

choose something. then say to them "oh, dd was looking at X the other day and she was in love with it, wish we could get it for christmas"

then they might get it and it'll be something you want. lol

ProfYaffle · 11/10/2006 22:09

Ahh, then we'd get the keyboard and the requested item, and 10 million plastic things with bells, squeakers, buzzers, tunes and flashing lights as well.

Tommy · 11/10/2006 22:10

can you ask them to get something specific? (and expensive if they want!)

We are asking MIL to buy Playmobile Noah's Ark for DSs between them and no doubt they will get them other stuff too but it saves us buying it and, at least, it's somehting we want the DSs to have!

luckymummy2Sophie · 11/10/2006 22:11

I will watch this thread with great interest.
My M&D are very good at not spoiling dd, who is their one and only grandchild, and only 5 mths old. However, MIL always spoils the kids so much. She has 7 GC to buy for, but that doesn't seem to matter. DH has tried telling her outright not to buy too much, but we just know dd will get sh1t loads that she either won't play with or we won't have room for.

This is very tricky.

Incidentally, MIL and FIL don't recycle ANYTHING, even the stuff the council collect weekly, they throw it all in the bin. My M&D recycle everything (last year mum sat and peeled all the sellotape of the xmas wrap paper so that she could put it in the recycling bin!). I would love to have the nerve to tell MIL that it might be more beneficial to dd if she thought about the future of the planet and the world she will be living in rather than buying her loads of stuff.
But we all know that you can't say that to your MIL!!!!!!!!!!!!

luckymummy2Sophie · 11/10/2006 22:12

sorry , bit of a random tangent there on the old recycling!!!

LunarSea · 12/10/2006 06:50

I have the opposite problem - the outlaws always get ds Premium Bonds for his birthday and Christmas, but now at 5 he's stated to ask questions about whay grandma and grandad don't get him a present? They're actually very generous - no way would I expect them to spend as much on presents for him as they do on the premium bonds - but the trouble is he doesn't actually see any evidence of the premium bonds and telling him he'll be able to buy a car when he's 18 doesn't really cut much ice with a 5 year old.

So how do we handle this? Do I tell them and see if they'll get him something small so at least he doesn't feel he's getting nothing? Or just get him something and say it's from grandma, and hope he doesn't make a point of telling them?

TwigTwoolett · 12/10/2006 06:58

open a bank account for your child

ask your mil to choose one special gift and put any other money she wanted to spend in your child's account for her future

redbullbloodandbump · 12/10/2006 07:04

with us we dont have contact with dp mom or dad any more my mom,dad and brother go a bit wild on ds but as he is there only granchild(untill may!!) we dont mind they dont put any labels on the pressies so ds thinks its all of santa

Crotchety · 12/10/2006 22:57

Same thing happens here LunarSea. MIL puts money in bank accounts, but she also buys a token present. Usually something she's seen in the charity shop which is fine by me.

Ponka · 12/10/2006 23:09

If it were me I would:

A) Keep dropping into the conversation that you think they have far too many toys and it is driving you mad how your house is so cluttered.

B) Steer her tactfully in the direction of some more practical things for them like clothes or do they need any new furniture in their rooms, things like that? Physical experiences or vouchers for days out, that kind of thing?

The bank account is a good idea or if you have an account you put a child trust voucher in, check if extra payments can be made. I know they can on ours because they keep on posting advertising through my door about it all the time (grrrrrr- got the message 1st time, thanks). I also wondered about setting some money aside so that when they are a bit older, we can take them to lapland to see Santa for Christmas. I think it's pretty expensive. Perhaps your MIL could put money towards something like that now?

cat64 · 13/10/2006 00:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

smison · 13/10/2006 01:00

She will never listen so don't waste your time pile the presents she gives and if they are rubbish pass them on to someone else
hey you have saved money this time

mymama · 13/10/2006 04:21

I would try to go for the day out thing if possible. Perhaps somewhere that is too expensive for you to do but they could afford. Plays, zoos etc.

threebob · 13/10/2006 05:42

Let them spend their money, and put last year's presents on Ebay now - then by the time they get the massive amount of plastic they will be desperate for it.

Or they could learn how great it feels to give loads of presents by wrapping up last years toys and giving them to charities.

curlew · 13/10/2006 06:30

My FIL was a bit like this - it was hard because they were REALLY broke when dp and his sibs were little and he absolutely loved buying huge amounts of stuff for his grandchildren. I think he thought of it as making up to his own children for what he wasn't able to give them. I talked it over with MIL and she persuaded him to buy us annual passes to Howletts Animal Park (we live 20 minutes away). It's brilliant - we can pop in for half an hour any time we like to look at favourite animals, we follow the progress of particular babies, we sometime just went to have tea in the cafe! And we send postcards on a lot of our visits so he knows how much it's used.

threebob · 13/10/2006 07:53

Ds is a member of the museum discovery centre, the zoo, the wildlife reserve, the tram, the gondola all courtesy of his grandparents. They love taking him when they visit - they are members too.

DominiConnor · 13/10/2006 08:27

mckenzie seems to have MIL who wants to "do something". Seems to me that this energy (and money) could be channelled into something useful.

Might I suggest you get her to buy books ?

If your finances are less good in comparison, perhaps you just let her pay for a fancy redecoration of the older DS's bedroom. There are outfits that will paint it as a pirate ship, or Star Wars, Charlie & Lola etc.

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