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Christmas

From present ideas to party food, find all your Christmas inspiration here.

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Original poster

Does 'fair' mean a similar amount is spent on each child?

41 replies

evmil · 17/11/2014 13:21

DSS1(15) has asked for a ridiculously expensive present for christmas and that and a stocking will be well over £1000. Me and DH have spoken about it and agreed he can have it. However, DH now thinks we need to spend more on DSS2(14), DSS3(12) and DS(4) to make it 'fairer' as it isn't rights to spend a lot more on one than you spend on the others.

I think he is wrong. For a start, once all DSS2's presents have all been bought it will be about £250 as it is (which is a lot) and he doesn't really want/need anything else. We have spent on DSS3 as he hasn't really asked for anything and also gets more than his brothers throughout the year as his hobby is expensive (practice, costumes, comps ect) so i think it evens itself out really. I refuse to spend more than about £100 on DS as i think its ridiculous to spend that much on such a small child and he has tonnes of toys that belong to his bothers that he plays with.

This is ignoring the fact that DSS2 and 3 will both get a lot of presents of their mom and her family whereas DSS1 doesn't. If DSS2 or 3 had asked for something this expensive it would of been split half and half.

Anyway, i basically think DH is being ridiculous. I am of the argument that it will even itself eventually as some years there is obviously gonna be a price difference in what is asked for between the boys.

OP posts:

slithytove · 17/11/2014 15:25

Only question I have is that if the shared laptop is on it's last legs, what will younger dc use when it dies?

momb · 17/11/2014 15:36

Kids need different things/have different priorities at different ages, and iif you always spend the same you will end up spending a fortune.
AS long as each child gets something they really wanted then it shodul be fine: if DSS1 gets a computer at 15 you can expect the next one to ask for the same at the same age, and you will need to be fair then....

marne2 · 17/11/2014 15:55

I think if it's a laptop it's perfectly fine, it's something he will get a lot of use out of and it will help him with school work, maybe as the others get older they will get a laptop too? As long as everyone is happy and get the things they have asked for ( as a main present ) then I don't see the problem. I have spent more on dd1 this year as she wanted a tablet, dd2 only wanted plastic tat , they will both be very happy with what they have got. We spend £100 on dsd, this year she's getting £50 spent on presents and £50 cash to spend in the sales, her mum has just bought her a iPhone so we think she gets plenty.

applecrumbleandcream · 17/11/2014 15:57

Couldn't you get the laptop between them so they can share it?

TheAlias · 17/11/2014 16:07

That's what I'd do apple. If the issue is that the shared lap top is on it's way out, I'd buy a new shared lap top.

beachysandy75 · 17/11/2014 16:18

I don't really see a problem with it as long as they all eventually get a turn to get a big present.

However, are you sure that DSS2 and DSS3 wouldn't need a laptop too if the one they share is on its last legs? Would it not be easier to get them all a cheaper laptop each for the price of the £1000 one? Or give them the expensive laptop to share to replace the one on its last legs?

christmaschristmaschristmas · 17/11/2014 16:24

I personally think £1000 is a very large amount to spend. If one of my children want a super expensive present for Xmas they will only really get that and a few little things. Could you not do this? I do try and make Xmas fair but by the amounts of presents not money.

ooerrmissus · 18/11/2014 11:54

Had another thought- when I was 16 or so I desperately wanted a hi-fi (showing my age). It was going to cost about £800 so my mum said I could have it but it would be both my christmas and birthday presents for two years, as that was her whole budget. So that's what we did; for two years I got only token presents because I had 'used up' my big present budget.
So you could buy DSS1 the laptop but explain that he has used up his budget for his birthday too and will only be getting socks?

CariadsDarling · 18/11/2014 12:11

I would get him it but I would also buy a new and cheaper laptop as a joint present for the other two to share because the old one might just give up the ghost on boxing day.

Jbck · 18/11/2014 12:21

You don't mention living arrangements, when they all get together etc and I presume DSS1 lives apart from the middle two.

I think at that age they are able to understand that DSS2 gets a lot throughout te yar from you, DSS3 gets more from his Mum type thing. The little one won't notice and it does all even out.

My two are 6 years apart so at very different stages with their needs and wants, DD2 still happy with PlayDoh and Barbies, DD1 got laptop last Xmas and new model iPod Touch for her birthday recently to replace her older one.

The little one doesn't care, she's all excited as she's been promised her sisters old iPod.

I'd explain to the older ones as long as you and DH can agree.

Floralnomad · 18/11/2014 12:28

I have 2 DC with a 6 yr age gap and I have never price matched at Christmas ,the eldest is now 21 and neither has ever indicated that they have a problem . They both get what they would like ( if we can get it ) and I figure it balances out over the years . TBH I'd feel I'd gone very wrong somewhere if one if them was jealous that the other had more spent on them .

GoodKingQuintless · 18/11/2014 12:39

It cant always be financially equal at every Christmas and Birthday in every given year, but it evens out over TIME...

Last year ds1 got new slalom kit for Christmas. Ds2 only got a new helmet and boots. Ds2 then got DS1s old skis. They both got what they needed for skiing, but ds2 got skis as handmedowns.

Going back a long way...
Ds1 got a Nintendo ds (then ds2 got one). Ds1 got a nintendo dsXL (ds2 didnt because he was not really interested in nintendos then). Ds2 got an Ipod. (ds2 didnt, he got something else). Then ds1 got my Iphone. Ds2 still had nothing. Then ds2 got a Galaxy tab for Christmas, and ds1 had no tab. Ds1 got to build himself a computer - he needed it for school work, so win win. Ds2 then got a small samsung smart phone - new. Ds1 still has my old iphone.

The point is, over time, it should even out, and all the kids get what they need, at an age where it is appropriate.

You cant buy them all macbooks or laptops just because the older one gets it. next time it might be the 12 year old getting something that expensive, and the 15 year old gets perhaps a gift worth a lot less. You just need to talk to them about it.

Ds1 will get a new bike for Christmas. Ds2 is happy to get ds1's old bike. They both know it is fair, and a good distribution of resources.

Farfromthetree · 18/11/2014 12:39

I wouldn't spend money just for the sake of it. That's just stupid and wasteful, and teaches your children to spend money just for spending's sake. No doubt the younger ones will really want something expensive at some point, and then you will consider it in the way that you have done for the older one this time. NB a child of any age may really want something that doesn't cost much - that's what they want, doesn't matter that it's cheaper. The value should be based on how happy they are with the present.

fuzzpig · 18/11/2014 13:20

At this age they are old enough to have a proper discussion about it and make an agreement about it evening out in other years.

Littlemousewithcloggson · 18/11/2014 13:30

Fair depends on the circumstances and stepchildren always mean its a difficult call to make. We usually spend no more than £40_ £50 each on my husbands eldest children and around £250 each on our own children. That might not sound fair but husbands ex has a lot of money and the stepchildren are getting from her - a PS4, an iPad and an iPhone EACH!
We have discussed our reasons with the SC and they accepted it very well

squiggleirl · 18/11/2014 13:33

I have to say I wince at the idea of not spending that much on the youngest child as he won't notice. That's just taking advantage of his being small. I'm not suggesting a exorbitant amount on him, but let it be because he'd love the presents you've selected, etc.

If the only reason for not spending the money is because he won't notice as he is so young, then the other children, because of their ages will realise you spent less on him. There are different parental set-ups for the children, and I would try to treat each child more equally.

I would give the Macbook to your DSS1 before Christmas. It's something he could use for school, and given he has nobody else to provide things like this for him, whilst the others do, I would think it more appropriate to keep it separate to Christmas.

Then, rather than spending more on DSS2 and DSS3 at Christmas for the sake of it, I would buy DSS1 Christmas presents. If there are clothes, trainers, things like that he'd like, I think that would be a better way to go at Christmas. That way, the kids are being treated more equally at the same time, without preventing a child who needs something receiving it.

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