Help - I'm used to doing christmas for 20 people every year. This year there will be just the six of us!

[celestialsquirrels]

It's going to be very strange and I'm not sure how to do it! Normally we have a huge turkey, a whine ham, all the trimmings, masses of smoked salmon etc - I can cope with that with my eyes closed. But christmas for 6? Do I even need a turkey?
I'm flirting with having a kid friendly family day - ie everyone stays in pjs all day, I barely cook and we eat ham and salmon (and sausages wrapped in bacon of course!) and we watch films and do whatever the hell we like since for the first time ever we aren't entertaining the rest of the family.
Is that a brilliant idea or a cop-out?
Kids are 8-16yo btw

Whole ham not whine ham

Wtf?!

Six defo means you need a turkey. Two adults here and we do a turkey But no ham

Oh I think you need to ask the kids about the turkey. The rest sounds fine and not a cop out but they might want turkey. You can always get a small crown and not the whole thing.

If that's what you and your family would like to do, go for it!

However, I remember throwing a hissyfit fit at about twelve or thirteen when my mum suggested no turkey. To me, it wouldn't be christmas without a christmas dinner.

If you suspect similar mutterings from your lot, I would suggest letting m&s take the strain - most things you can just bang in the oven and you don't end up stuck in the kitchen all day.

Here we normally have 5 adults and 1 child and have: Turkey, stuffing, veg, sausages, Yorkshire puds and big pudding. So you could easily replace the turkey with a salmon and ham you just need to check you won't get pouty faces.

Turkey crown, sausages in bacon. Obviously scale back the veg a lot. You don't need the ham though.

Just do the same but less quantities. Turkey crown rather than whole one etc. it's only one day fgs. But do the kiddie friendly one too if that's what you want. I'll say it again, it's only one day. And yes I am angry about how stressed people get over Christmas but that is because my child died this year and I would do anything to have him here - and I wouldn't care if we had fish fingers or turkey. Just enjoy the day with your kids .

I would have the ham and no turkey. I think you may find the day a bit too quiet. Could you go out for a change? Or go away?

Minmooch - I am so sorry for you and your family. It must be dreadful. Please be as angry as you like. It's not fair.

Oh mini mooch, I'm so so sorry. My heart goes out to you. Xxx

Min mooch, so sorry for your loss. I don't know if you do t he traditional. (Irish at least) Christmas candle in the window to show there is. "Room at the inn". But this could be a year to start it. We always have the youngest light it, and have always used it as a chance to reflect on all the good and bad things that have happened in the year. We also tend to remember those who aren't here to celebrate Christmas with us this year, including grandparents who died a few years ago now, but also having a Few happy memories of them too. This year will probably be very very hard to look at the nice side, but it may give you something that you can over time move more into reflection rather than pain as Christmases go past. (I may be putting it very badly, and don't mean to hurt you more or cause upset, but I thought you might like it).

Celestial, in terms of having a smaller family Christmas, what do your family want? Does it give you a chance to ditch Granny's beloved red cabbage and have nice easy peas instead, for example? Does everyone want turkey, and normally eat it at Christmas even if not any other time? Do some of the DCs want a chance to do part of the meal themselves - starter, veg, deserts, or even turkey itself? Or take charge of a lovely festive breakfasts?

Do you normally get a chance for a walk, or family board game after dinner, or watching a nice DVD together, or having a cheesy sing'-song? Would you LIKE a chance to do that? Or get a really tricky jigsaw that everyone can help work on for a few days?

Get the older DCs to help out the day before with prep, emptying bins, peeling veg, younger could fetch and carry or set the table. But also have a few fun things if everyone pitches in. And if all prepped it means you have the time to relax and enjoy the next day.

We are only 3, but always have to either go to Mil and DMs houses for turkey dinners at lunch and dinner, when we are down home, or visit gloats of wider family relations when we stay home. A day of just up, stockings, breakfast, church, and relaxing in front of the fire with a nice meal needing the odd eye cast over it would be bliss , and allow dd time to play with her toys in peace.