If you are a SAHP...

[curiousgeorgie]

Do you buy your DH / DW a Christmas present?

Every other year I've had my own money. This year I don't and feel quite rubbish about it.

Essentially he'll just be buying his own present?

He's lovely and never asks me what I'm spending but he is obsessive about his finances so will always know where I've spent money and how much.

I know he wants a PS4 but it's a bit difficult to spend £300 plus without him noticing!

What do you do?

Tbh if it's a ps4 /gadget I usually tell DP to sort that himself so I don't buy the wrong version. Also he likes to source the deal.... Finds that fun. Leaves me totally cold. I'd buy a game and a few other bits out of the amount.

And I'd be thinking of a large ish gift for me of similar ball park from him!

I would never spend £300 on a toy for a grown up.

Well, DD dropped my iPad (and it smashed into about a million pieces ) , so I'm getting a new iPad, which I think is nearly that price?

Usually he tells me not to get him anything as he doesn't need / want anything. As others have said, if he wants something, he'd buy it. (And in those cases I end up just buying a bunch of random stuff / clothes / experience days.)

That's why I want to get this PS4 without him knowing, he wouldn't expect it.

But I have done my research, a PS4, the new FIFA and a Vita

I kind of think that as a couple if the money pot is shared you are essentially buying presents out of your own money regardless of whose salary it actually came out of. It's the thought that counts!

As a poster up thread said get cash back when you do the shopping each week.
I am a SAHM but DH and I each have our own accounts to spend from. It works for us as I don't want to feel that I have to explain my personal spending (not that DH would expect an explanation or even be bothered).
Would it be better if your DH transferred a set amount into your account each month so that you have some money to spend on things like presents or whatever takes your fancy?

We don't scrutinise each other's credit card bills so presents remain fairly secret.

But yes in effect he buys his own, which, even after 16 years feels slightly odd.

However, at least he gets a surprise. Most years I have to give such exact instructions I need not bother.

Have you got a quote for a repair on ypur
IPad? DD dropped mine earlier in the year it was £70, from memory, for a new screen.

You wouldn't spend 300 on a toy for a grown up? How odd. Half the toys Id love cost around that or more!

I got a scooter for my 38th. Wasn't quite that amount, but it's flipping marvellous. And I can keep up or beat the kids!

Mis - that's a bit of a sore point. I was ready to send it off to be repaired, DH decided that being fairly tetchy he'd replace the screen himself... He did it, but rendered it completely fucked in the process

Now no one will touch it.

But OP, that shouldn't be your Christmas present! That just isn't fair at all.

I agree. He broke it, he should replace it as a matter of course!

Can you claim for that on your insurance? I'm trying to think of myself on Christmas Day, happy to receive an iPad from my daughter who'd smashed my old one and my DH who'd wrecked it for good. I would have a very sour look on my face!

I'm a SAHM. We have one bank a/c that his salary and expenses go into as well as the child benefit payment every month.
It's our money, once the bills are paid we can spend what we like. When I buy his birthday or Christmas gifts it comes from that a/c but it's the time and thought that goes into the gift that makes it special.

That's not a Xmas present. That's a replacement. and it's the families iPad really not yours I guess. If that takes the ps4 off the table, tough titties.

What would you like?

I am a sahm but have my own money because if dh had to pay me for all the services I provide for the family it would pay a wage.
Whats his is mine in that respect and always has been.
So you are spending your share of the money, not his money at all
Otherwise if you think of it as having no money you would never treat yourself or buy anything that only applied to you.
You would also consider yourself a kept woman, which isn't good.
Think former not latter as its better for the soul. x

OP, you say his finances in your post, they are your finances too and just as important for you to manage and have a say.
Does he control all the finances, do you have access to all accounts?

We get a bit of "pocket money" each month into our own personal accounts, though not in the games console sort of size. But the aim of that is to give us money each month that we can spend as we want without being accountable or feeling we can't be frivolous now and then. Our presents to each other come from that, albeit that they are much lower in value.

CuriousGeorgie - I am a SAHP, and have been since ds3 was 1 (he is 17 now), and I have always bought dh a Christmas present.

As others have said, you make an important contribution to the household by looking after the dc.

Plus, I think the gift is more than the cash value - it is the thought you put into choosing something you know will make him happy/give him enjoyment.

I'm quite surprised by some of this.

The money in our family doesn't belong only to DH because he earned it, just as the kids don't belong only to me even though I look after them all day.

My dropping a wage was mutually decided, everyone in the family should benefit equally from the effort others put in.

We rarely have enough to have regular 'spending' money each, but it all goes in the one account and we buy what we need or want from it within budget. Equal access, plus credit cards in our own names, but I do all banking for both online.

Not criticising you, but think you need to have a talk about this, you can't have a situation as a family where one of you doesn't have access to the money.

And some people think of presents for their husband in terms of food and sex because they don't earn the money themselves?!

I think its very interesting how people arrange their finances even those with equal amounts can do it differently.
Dh has half his wages paid into his account and half into mine, he pays utilities, and other bills, sometimes food, DIY. I pay small mortgage on another house we have, dds tutors, entertainment xmas and b'day presents as I have cb and tax credits in my account, we don't have a joint account anymore as we didn't use it for along time so closed it.

I'm a SAHM, the only income we have is DP's but I have full control over the finances.

I work out the budgets, split the money, pay who needs paying etc etc.

All the money goes into a joint account. All the bills get paid from that account and I pay whoever else needs paying from my budget sheet.

Whatever is left gets split 50/50 into our own seperate accounts. I have a card for his account, he's got a card for mine but I buy his Christmas presents from my share of the money and vice versa. It works pretty well actually.

DP really wants a PS4 for Christmas, he hasn't actually asked for one as he knows we can't afford it but I see him sneaking looks at it online or in shops. I've had one on layby for him since July. It's going to be his only present but he's going to be so surprised and happy. We haven't been able to do Christmas presents for each other before but since we had the option to do layby this year, I thought I'd do it.

I'm a SAHM and I have control of our finances - DH is absolutely rubbish with money. He also wants a PS4 but I've told him we're too skint I'm sticking it on my credit card that he doesn't know about And I am crap at keeping secrets/surprises so he will never see it coming.

Its all family money - wages CB CTC and WTC. The only money that doesn't go into the pot is the child support I receive from my exDP.